Homeschooling has broken me, I think.
I didn’t realize it until last week. That it has broken my brain. That it’s broken the way I think about everything.
But I’ve never been more sure that I’m a homeschooler raising homeschoolers, and I’ve never felt stronger in my convictions.
Like with so many things, I have Dave Grohl to thank.
But let me take a step back …
When my son was 6, he expressed an interest in learning piano. And like all parents, we immediately tried to figure out how to move a 1,000-lb piece of cast-iron and wood history into our living room as cheaply as possible.
I put a thing on Facebook. My friend Jes responded.
It took 4-grown men and a moving truck.
My son sat down at it that night, and within a couple of days, he’d taught himself to play Linus and Lucy. Then Bach.
It was amazing to me, because I took piano lessons for years, and can now only remember a 3-key version of Mary Had a Little Lamb. (We are not exactly Von Trapps, around here.)
Seeing that our kid was now spending all of his free time on a rock-hard bench inscribed on the inside with the words “Property of Mrs. Bailie,” we did what a lot of parents do, and we started looking into lessons.
When we met the sweet, wonderful woman who would become his teacher, he asked her to play a favorite song.
She played Linus and Lucy.
I sat there with tears in my eyes.
This wasn’t a regular old sign. This was a flashing neon billboard.
It was the happiest sight, seeing the two of them sitting there, talking about music.
She got him.
At the time of my son’s first recital, he was understandably nervous, so she let him play Linus and Lucy — you know, his jam.
She gave each child an award that day, and as the trophy box emptied, I started to wonder if my son would get one — they’d only been working together for a couple of months, and trophies aren’t cheap.
But she was saving his award for last — Overall Most Improved.
I felt that day like we were on to something as parents.
We had supported our son in pursuing a passion, and now we were seeing the rewards — the literal awards.
Homeschooling.
Nailed it.
But no.
Over time, something changed. The more piano homework he got, the more overwhelmed he felt. When his teacher would challenge him with new pieces, he wouldn’t practice them.
And yet, he would beg me to order Clementi sheet music. He would ask for Star Wars music books for his birthday. He would watch Youtube videos to learn new and harder songs, and he would practice them until he could play them by heart.
But lessons? Lessons got tense.
“You need to drill him,” I remember his teacher saying in my living room one day, and I thought no.
No. I don’t want this to go there.
I would sit with him and try to help him work through his homework, though.
Tears. So much frustration.
A break from lessons.
Our beautiful, half-ton, 1896 cast-iron piano still sits in our living room.
There’s a fish on top of it.
We put our library books that need to be returned on it.
It gets really, really dusty.
***
Last year for his birthday, my mom got my son what he wanted most — a rental trumpet.
He didn’t want to take lessons, so he taught himself a few things. He watched videos on the Internet. He’d toot us awake in the mornings.
But eventually, he confessed to me that he didn’t love the trumpet.
“Do you think Gigi will be mad?” he asked me.
“No way,” I said. “Gigi just wants you to be happy.”
And so we boxed it up and sent it back. Now some other kid is surely renting my son’s temporary spitty trumpet.
Try not to think about it.
Our house got really quiet for a few months, and I worried about my son.
But it was summer, and there were trees to climb. It wasn’t so bad.
In August, we went to visit my sister and her family in Nashville. My brother-in-law is an amazingly talented, self-taught musician, and his home is filled with guitars.
I think he noticed a glint in my son’s eye.
“You can play them,” he said.
“Really?!”
***
And then at dinner, the night before we left:
“Hey O, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe take a guitar home with you for a little while.”
My mama tears again.
Because the spark was back.
That one kind gesture had brought it back.
It was the longest 9-hour car ride ever for my boy.
When he got home, he set up the electric guitar and amp in his room, and almost right away I heard music.
Pieces of music.
Songs I recognized.
I called the music studio.
Here’s where we get pretty close to present day.
My son has been taking guitar lessons for a few months.
He’s taught himself most of Green Day’s work, because he loves Green Day.
He spends hours each day practicing, and when he hits a stumbling block, he watches a video, or looks things up.
But earlier this week, he couldn’t sleep because even though his next lesson was 6 days away, he was worried about his homework.
And I’m going to tell you, the homeschooler in me has kind of lost it over that.
I couldn’t figure out why I was so angry.
Like really, damn angry.
And then finally, after a few days of very ungraceful stewing, it hit me:
I wasn’t feeling angry.
I was feeling protective.
“Mom? I feel like I was born with music in my heart and every time someone pushes me, the space for it gets smaller and smaller.”
I am so scared of it going away completely. Because it’s a part of him.
It would be like losing a part of him.
I promised you homeschooling, so here’s where it shows up.
I’ve figured something out in the past week. I would maybe have said this kind of thing before. I think I wanted to believe it, but old doubts from an old life would creep in: Are you sure this is going to work?
But homeschooling has made me trust my son.
I have so much faith in him and his ability to learn on his own — in his own way, in his own time.
I know he will learn guitar if he isn’t pushed, because he loves it. He WANTS it.
I know he will learn to read sheet music when he wants to. I know he will learn to write music if he wants to.
And if he doesn’t?
So what.
It’s flipping guitar.
But here’s what I also know:
I know, that if he is pushed, he will retreat.
I know he will put that guitar down one day and never pick it up again.
And I know we will lose a piece of him, of who he is.
And I know now that I am finally feeling brave enough to make sure that doesn’t happen.
This homeschool business has broken my brain.
In the very best way.
I’ve realized that the way I view education has changed completely.
I have gone from having faith in a system to having faith in my kids. Because I’ve been at this for a little while now, and I’ve seen it in action.
When I emailed my son’s wonderful, patient, kind guitar teacher to tell him we’re taking a little break, he responded quickly.
Let me tell you what stood out to me:
“I asked him to learn something most guitar students are expected to learn.”
My kid isn’t most.
My kid is a unique person.
“Most students do feel stress about their instrument.”
Not performing.
Not the kind of good-stress that comes from challenging themselves, but “stress about their instrument.”
“Stress drives them to advance and get better.”
Sometimes.
Maybe.
In some kids.
You know what else can drive kids to get better at something?
Passion.
Love.
Excitement.
I don’t blame his teacher, who is doing exactly what he thinks he’s supposed to do.
But I guess it all comes down to what you want long-term as a parent.
I want a happy kid.
I don’t care if he’s a musician. I don’t care if he’s “good” by someone else’s standards.
Frankly, right now, I am having a homeschooler rebel moment and I think the standards are stupid.
***
We honestly haven’t decided what to do about guitar right now.
But I have decided one thing:
My job is not to push my kid.
My job is guard my kid’s heart.
Wow Kara.
Don’t know if I have any other words for you except “Yes. Yes. Yes. ”
Wow.
Xxoo
Kara,
I so often feel as if you live in my head, or that you are a fly on our wall. I am fired up, too. As a school psych and product of public schools, part of me feels like I’m being disloyal. Another, larger, part of me feels that I’m doing it right, better. “Old doubts from an old life” <— Yes, yes, yes. I've learned to trust my son this year as well. It's amazing what learning happens when we just let it.
The story about your brother, your son, and the electric guitar was one of my favorite of yours. My son is currently taking piano and we are nearing the point you were nearing- and guess what two intstruments he wants to pursue next? Yep. Trumpet and guitar. My husband plays guitar and will let our son play alongside him (he has an old knock-around one) and it is the sweetest moment ever when this happens. Oh a side note, while not a musician, my husband is self-taught on guitar, keyboard, and harmonica. And he reads sheet music, although no one ever taught him to. When we learn joyfully, we learn. We pursue the things we want to, and those things will serve us well in this life.
Thank you for this!
This was so beautiful, and such a lovely story. Thanks for sharing it with us, and encouraging all of us to guard our kids’ hearts. It’s a big job, and sometimes, without so many neon signs around! 😉
This resonated to the very depths of my soul! I was that kid. My son is that kid. I was pushed and learned to hate it and retreat. We let our son stop piano lessons in November. Now he is playing the drums. Like a boss. 🙂 Thank you for confirming we made the right choice.
Amen and amen!
What a great piece! As we are watching our friends sign up their kids for kindergarten, we are gearing up for homeschooling meet ups. It’s like the seas are parting, our friends heading one way and us another. But I have my mom and you encouraging me along the way. Reading your blog does a lot for me. 🙂
Just what I needed to read. Thank you! Beautiful words, and beautiful photos.
“It’s amazing what happens when we just let it.” YES! I would have told you in the past that I wasn’t a terribly controlling person, but so much of this homeschooling path has been through the forest of fear for me. I’m finally feeling ready to stop checking over my shoulder all the time, you know?
Yes. I’m a big believer in signs, and yet, I don’t always interpret them correctly! 😉 But I think as long as we stay focused on our kids, we’ll be OK.
Aww. Thank you Megan. That means the world to me.
I forwarded this post to my hubby, and this is what he wrote:
This is an amazingly inspiring article that we should keep close momma. This is who we are no doubt. I want this life for our kids… we are their school and are smart enough, emotionally stable enough, and disciplined enough to give them this too.
Just wanted to pass it on because it made my day. We needed this post. We are starting our homeschool journey and your writing is by far the most inspiring. Keep it up!
That means so much Jen … seriously. You all are making me kind of weepy today 😉
This resonates so deeply in me, I may or may not have tears coming down my face. (Thank you.)
Very well put! Thank you for sharing such special moments in your homeschooling journey. I homeschooled my daughter and loved it. So many more activities & growth from her interests, ice-skating, basketball, aikido, contemporary dance, synchronised swimming, gymnastics. Now with my son who is passionate about basketball, swimming, volleyball, drawing & sketching. Guarding their spirits & my own in these our best opportunities to love & grow together as family. It’s the best of times so no need to waste it on doubt & insecurity anymore. Knowing & learning come from the soul so sing on as loudly & proudly as you can. You have it in the can!😀
Hi Kara, thank you for all your excellent posts. This one in particular touched me as i believe in “unschooling” and yet i have doubts, we are so used to every minute of our lives being thought out and planned, its hard to break our own molds. I am a homeschooling mom in the UK, i have a 5yr old and a 3yr old. I thought you may enjoy the story of 43 year old happy child, living proof of “unschooling” in action. A fascinating story. My sister homeschools in Austria – she has been to Andre Stern’s workshops there and introduced me to his insightful stories. I just wish he would do some workshops here, and in English :-). Here is a link to a talk of his: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0fk7QOLbs8 I believe you are traveling in the right educational direction, after all our children learn some of the most complex things like a language and how to use it, just by listening and watching! I hope you continue to be brave and a little rebellious; long live happy children!
“Forest of fear” <—– Do you live in my used-to-be-controlling noggin'?? I am learning to relax and trust him, too. It's a process as much for us as it is for them.
I bet he’d do well, someday, with a different kind of teacher. My daughter takes guitar lessons from a teacher who asks her what songs she wants to learn. Anything goes…he says he’s taught kids to play their favorite rap songs on guitar…songs from video games…whatever they’re passionate about. My daughter loves to sing and wanted to learn to play guitar and sing. Done. Now he coaches her in voice as well. He teaches her to play the songs she loves in the key she can best sing that song. Magic! Her “homework” is just to practice these songs she loves, so it isn’t like homework and she doesn’t feel pushed. And at home, she plays around with these songs. Tries them with different strumming patterns, or modifies them to fit her style. Then she bounces these ideas off her teacher at her next lesson. It’s a beautiful relationship, and so gratifying to see my daughter find such a mentor. I hope, when he’s ready, that your son finds someone like this!
That’s wonderful, Michelle, and EXACTLY what my son needs — a mentor.
Yes!! A thousand times, yes! Thank you, Kara…this is exactly how I’ve been feeling as we’ve progressed along the homeschooling path, but you said it more eloquently, more beautifully than I ever could 🙂 My oldest is only 8, but I’ve had a similar experience with her learning to read, and as a life-long bookworm, it’s been so hard for me to let go of control, of my own expectations, and of my fear that we’re being judged. Thank you for expressing how my heart has changed these past few years and for helping me feel understood. You’re an amazing mama and your kiddos are so lucky to have you! xo
Wow! And think of all the massive amounts of money you will save if he wants to teach himself instead of having lessons!
I needed this today.
My son has followed a similar path in his musical pursuits – piano at 5, violin at 7, guitar around 8, drums at 12, and now, at 14, he has drifted back to the keyboard, writing his own music.
We are trying to make a decision about continuing with the drum lessons because the passion just isn’t there anymore. I always struggle when this point comes because I know how important it is to let him lead, but he’s just SO GOOD at each of these instruments, I worry I am somehow wasting his talent by not pushing him to keep at the lessons. But then I hear him in his room, writing new music on the keyboard, and realize that even though he’s not being instructed in that talent he is obviously passionate and working hard to teach himself what he needs to know to succeed. I just need to teach myself how to avoid that forest of fear feeling and trust that I won’t mess him up by allowing him to pursue his own passions.
Beautifully written. This is my guy too. Sometimes for music but mostly for math. I watch for that spark and that happy. When the spark and happy are there math flows.
Thank you for sharing!
So much about this story reminds me of my family. My son went through some tough health times, and we moved to New York when he was 13. We had a guitar that had languished under a bed because there were no teachers in our old town who would teach kids. After the move, we found someone, and my son had that sparkle in his eyes. We were lucky to have a teacher who let him do his own thing. Within 4-5 months, she told us that she couldn’t teach him any longer. He moved to a professional guitarist and learned all he could there in another 6 months or so. We had homeschooled him from the start, but I was at a loss about our next steps because I could see that music was his passion. He took over. He moved completely into unschooling and began to study music theory, music theory, and composition. As he learned, I relaxed. He’s 17 now, with 23 songs registered with the copyright office and two demo CDs. Some people say, “He never would have found music if he hadn’t gotten sick.” I like to think, “He never would have found music, if he were in school.”
Beautiful. Just beautiful. I’m right there, too.
Enjoyed your article. It reinforces principles of education I am studying right now.
“As students we may have learned to follow instructions; we may have learned to get good grades; but we may never have been captured by a question…Until we are so captured, our learning will be limited. Questions of the
heart are not a process or technique, they are the essence of the education of the heart—the prerequisite to a higher form of learning that does not fit
comfortably into any existing definitions of learning. We need to make a place for such questions in our homes, schools, and individual lives. Because such questions cannot be assigned, imposed, or forced on
us, we must first reconsider the functions of freedom and love in learning.”
I enjoyed your article. It reminded me of one of the learning phases in the Thomas Jefferson Education homeschooling society. Below is a link. Not sure how I stumble on this page but thanks for the read. All the best to your son.
http://www.tjed.org/2011/06/homeschooling-excellence-phases-learning/
Brilliant!!!!
Excellent! Just let him learn. Have you seen this? http://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/a-thousand-rivers-what-the-modern-world-has-forgotten-about-children-and-learning/
Perfect. I have been feeling this too. Watching my son truly, passionately follow his heart has been amazing. You’re right, about guarding his heart, too. Fiercely. 🙂
Off topic, I LOVE the Expecto Patronum pendant; where, oh where did you find that?
Oh! I’m so glad you asked. I tried linking to Etsy when I posted, but Etsy was having a “moment.” 😉 So it is from Liz at The Artless Hedge-Pig. She is so sweet and great to work with. I’ve bought two necklaces from her now 🙂
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheArtlessHedgepig
Thank you!
We homeschool, too, and have always taken this approach with our kids and music. We ARE a very musical family, and our two boys have left Hubby and me in the dust with their talent. Our oldest is a self-taught guitarist who plays very complicated pieces very well. He even has put out an album! Our youngest son watches videos to learn such songs as Piano Man. Passion is the best motivator.
when i hired my son’s first music teacher, i explained that we didn’t care about the speed at which our son progressed and we would NEVER make him practice. it took a few different teachers to find the right person who was willing (very willing) to work that way.
when that teacher moved away, he begged *me* to find another teacher who would not push the boys (they were both taking lessons by then) and would let them keep going at their own pace. no problem — that was always our goal.
my older son eventually quit of his own volition. i was sad. he played so well, both piano and guitar. but it wasn’t his passion; he just had other things he preferred to spend his time on.
my younger son kept playing. we had to part ways with a teacher who pushed and find the right person who was willing to do it our way. now the boy who started at 4 is 15 and his teacher says he’s advanced further than any other student he’s ever taught.
this boy didn’t quit. he never had to practice. he totally owned and controlled it. for years he only practiced a few minutes a day. but he kept his love of music and he wrote music and showed it to his teacher and he never stopped wanting to play.
now when i hear him playing fluently, i am inspired by what ten minutes a day can do, if you keep playing for love, for years.
Like a boss! I LOVE that!!! 🙂
Aww. Thank you Molly. My youngest took a little longer to read than my oldest, but when she got it, she GOT it and hasn’t stopped since! (But man, I struggled. I worried. I know it’s hard sometimes!)
Yes! I am right there with you!! It’s crazy to see their innate talent. With piano, I thought I was supposed to push. But I am so lucky that he picked up guitar and gave me another shot in supporting him. Of course, I still got all mama-bear-protective about it, albeit in a different way this time 🙂 Oh parenting. 🙂
I hadn’t! Thank you!!!
Yes! It sure is 🙂
Oh man. “for years he only practiced a few minutes a day. but he kept his love of music and he wrote music and showed it to his teacher and he never stopped wanting to play.” <— Yes. This is my guy. I feel myself so torn over whether lessons can work, but you've reminded me that there are teachers out there who are willing to see kids as individuals, and not push … Perhaps after this time of "delessoning" I'll start my search again. 🙂
P.S. It's so fun to hear from you! Your book is one of my favorites 🙂
When I was a student in grade school…many many years ago…I was shy, I never raised my hand to answer a question. I always just sat there wondering why I couldn’t raise my hand. In first grade, because I used my left hand for eating, the teacher forced me to learn to write with my left hand. I now write with my right hand. Also, I loved the piano and started taking lessons from an older woman at 9 years old. She was very “grouchy” I thought, and I gave up. Now I play, but have learned chords and improvise. I play very nicely on my own. Homeschooling does protect a child’s heard, soul and confidence. Susan Robbins
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! From a mama of 3 homeschooled self-taught musicians.
Thank you so much for this. Our experience with music has been the same, and trusting my children over the the advice of the music teachers was a huge lesson. Yes, I want them to be happy, and love what they choose to do. I don’t want to kill their passion for music.
I have a son just like this! He had obvious musical talent but he’d never practice. We tried piano and cello. He spent many years not having lessons and just writing songs on his own. He was diagnosed dyslexic and they actually told me he’d probably never learn to read music. Then at age 15 he asked for guitar lessons. He took off. At last he was willing to follow the teacher’s lead. Instead of rebelling he decided he would learn from someone more knowledgeable. He soon left that teacher in the dust. He went on to another better teacher. He left that one in the dust too and moved onto another classically trained teacher. He decided he wanted to study music in college, so he threw himself into learning to read music. He spent hours and hours every day doing something related to music. He wound up getting into a very exclusive school with a scholarship. He’s excelled there. I think a lot of it just has to do with being too young to see the big picture. What feels like drudgery when your piano teacher assigns it at age 8 feels like the key to knowledge when you are older and see that discipline will really get you where you want to be. Until and unless that clicks it just ain’t gonna work. So be it. There are so many different ways to get to one’s goal. Our society just assumes one way is the best, that you’ve got to spend your childhood grinding out practice pieces, but not so at all. I am so happy we unschooled so that when my son did decide he was going to devote himself to music, his time was his own and he had the freedom to pursue it with all his heart.
We have been homeschooling for three years now. I have always been very protective of my children in which teachers they have and what environments to put them in. The world outside of homeschool has such a different view of what our children should know and what they should do in their free time. I am all for finding a mentor, when they need one, but then I find a mentor whose philosophy is similar to my own. I look for a mentor who is passionate about what I am asking them to teach my child, and then I look for a mentor who is also okay with my child leading the lessons. Letting them pick the songs, not giving them too much, but giving more if my kid asks for it. I want mentors who will light the fire under my kids so they will become passionate about it themselves and become self learners in that area. We have had a great violin teacher, who did that, my son, now 10 played for three years. He decided the violin wasn’t for him. He picked up the clarinet, I did not do a good job in finding the right mentor in about 1 month his passion for it was gone, becasue of the teacher’s teaching style. He now wants to learn the piano. After months of searching I have found a teacher who i think will b a good fit for him. he is starting in a few weeks. I loved this article. Great job!
Love, love, love this . Thanks for sharing!
this is seriously fantastic. i wished for musical children & didn’t get them. i got artists instead. i worried they’d never love music. i came in the house today after a walk with my younger three to hear my oldest teaching himself “moonlight sonata” off youtube. he may never be musical, but little by harrowing little i’m learning to trust HIM. he knows what’s in him. that’s all we need to know.
Thank you for this. Very timely for me and my kids.
Yes! Our kids will learn all on their own. If something isn’t working we need to trust them enough to listen and help them find another path. I learn best when I’m passionate and excited – so wouldn’t my kids?! I hate stress – it’s my biggest memory of school and I was a “good” student with perfect grades.
Love, love, love this post!
Thank you for this. I’ve seen the same thing with my kids.
Fortunately, they have been allowed to develop a love of music as something they want to do, enriches their lives, and *connects them to people*…not a chore. For a little bit, they almost gave up when early on they got pressure at home to practice a certain amount. I saw the joy being squished out, and I thought, “What is more valuable: that they want to continue playing & get all the benefit of a life filled with music they enjoy, or that they practice a specific amount of minutes right at this moment in time, and end up hating it?”
Their teacher grew up playing old fiddle tunes with her family around the piano at night, and music is a community thing, filled with joy, for her. She makes that connection with my kids.
She embodies the idea of “I don’t teach subjects (math, music, science, etc.), I teach people.”
My kids go at their own pace, experiment in their own ways, and their relationship with their teacher is filled with joy. She doesn’t push, and we have learned as parents to not push. I feel like I am re-learning myself what learning and life is all about.
I love what you said about picking that particular musician, because he seemed like someone who was *happy* doing what he was doing.
I love that — not teaching a subject, but teaching people. YES!!!
Where did you get that amazing charm bracelet? My daughter would just DIE for one of those!!!!!
So beautiful! I agree. I have several children who are artists of varying types. My 18 year old loves to draw more than just about anything. But she’s not going to school for art. Why? Because she loves art. She loves to draw, paint, act, create scenes. Going to school for it, she fears, will take the fun and love away – and just make it work. She prefers to do something practical and helpful as a career, and save her art for local artist groups and theaters.
Your brain isn’t broken. It’s been healed. 😉
Yes, this. Exactly. I pushed my daughter in piano lessons and practice, and now she won’t touch it. Such a great waste because she’s so talented. A wonderful pianist, a friend of ours who works in the music department of a university, asked me about my daughter the other day. She’s very talented, she said. I know. But her passion has burned out. I wish I had your post nine years ago, Kara. But time and experience have taught me to let my child pursue what she loves, so that’s what we do now. I hope others who read your post will listen to what you have said and not make the same mistake I made.
And lately I’m exactly where you are, “Frankly, right now, I am having a homeschooler rebel moment and I think the standards are stupid.” The standards, all of them, are stupid. I don’t want to follow them, but almost feel pressured to follow them sometimes. It’s better not to cave.
Hey Kara, great read! I’m not musical, wish I was, but piano lessons were futile. My sister was the only one of the three of us with any instrumental bent, and she got to quit lessons first…and is the only one of us who still plays!
I’m convinced that pushing things like music can backfire quickly. If our kids love it, they will do it. It’s the same for us. I love the idea of being available to help them if they want to seek out help (tutorials, videos, advice from professionals), but it’s liberating to think that if I can back off and let them explore, we might just be surprised 🙂
Awww I love this, SO MUCH. So sweet and tugs on my heart strings. Oftentimes there is so much pressure to go with the system, to go with what works, and kids just need to conform and do it like everyone else. But they are individuals. It is so heartwarming to see you trusting your child and his individuality over the system. <3
Hi Colleen! I’m so sorry I didn’t see this sooner. I got it from Etsy. I searched Patronus necklace. She had several of them!
! I’m so sorry I didn’t see this sooner. I got it from Etsy. I searched Patronus necklace. She had several of them!
YES YES YES says a woman who homeschooled her kids through high school.
When you trust the kids, they learn and remember because they’re doing it their way – the way that works best for them.
Our piano teacher asked how I go my son to practice. “I didn’t”, I told her. “I don’t know if he does.” She said he did, she could tell by the progress he made. Then one night I got up about 2 AM and I heard music. My son was in his room practicing on the electronic keyboard. He played the music at different speeds. He played around with the piece, making it faster here and slower there, and then he played it like she wanted him to play it. He played other bits that I recognized as video game music. I asked what he was doing and he told me that when he couldn’t sleep, he’d play with music. YES!
He did the same thing with reading. He is dyslexic and reading was hard for him, but he wanted to know what was in the books. I’d come in to wake him and find books open under his bed. He was figuring out reading.
He was playing with Legos when he came and showed me that two Legos with 4 pegs on each side were the same length as two Legos with 2 pegs on each side. And then he explored with sixes and eights and came to tell me his new discovery every few minutes, and these “math facts” stayed in his brain.
No wonder he had been so miserable at school!
My daughter really wanted to learn how to play piano. You know what comes next- piano buying, moving, lessons, and fighting over practicing… It was such a burden on our relationship. She eventually quit taking lessons. After several months, she started to sit at the piano on occasion again. She began to play a few songs here and there. We played a music notes memory card game and she mentioned that it reminded her that she likes learning about music. A few more months passed and she has asked to start up lessons again. We are going for it and I have decided not to make her practice this time. I don’t really care anymore if she makes good progress. I care that I nurture her love for music and that’s enough for me. Thanks for sharing your story. It really encourages and affirms me in my decision.
My son had thought that lessons meant no more “Dinking around” on guitar, so he lost his joy. I finally asked my husband how he learned. Yep, by dinking around.
We’ve sinced learned that my son likes the burst or seminar method. He builds up a lot of questions, then he spends time with one of our musician friends. He gets a bunch of answers and new ideas, then goes off to explore them at his own pace.
And to the original post, YouTube videos and the like *are* his teachers.