Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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‘Cheerful nonchalance’: Or how to homeschool without losing your cool

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

I first heard the phrase “cheerful nonchalance” from my friend Meg.

In her mid-20s, Meg was an old soul. She was one of those people who seemed “considered,” you know what I mean?

She was basically the opposite of willy-nilly. She would not be flying by the seat of her pants, no matter how many people around her flapped and shouted.

For instance, Meg taught a group of us about a parenting technique she termed “cheerful nonchalance.”

I can’t remember exactly the way this came up, so this is the example I offer:

Let’s say that you’ve noticed that your toddler has not had a vegetable since last month.

Kids go through stages like this, but when we are young mothers, our beloved child neglecting a couple of bites of broccoli is enough to send us into a tailspin.

Meg, in her infinite wisdom, pointed out that hand-wringing, hair-tugging and weeping aren’t likely to make our kids suddenly develop a love for greens, and won’t help us navigate the situation with much aplomb.

Instead, she offered practicing cheerful nonchalance.

OK, you say to your vegetable denier. More broccoli for me. Or the dog. Or the compost bin.

Maybe you just keep serving vegetables and keep eating them but not making a big production of it and it’s just that simple?

Sounds better than the crying thing, right?

What you do not do is freak out.

Because our children, although they be small, are mighty wise. They sense our emotions like tiny sponges in dungarees, and at a certain point in their young lives when they are learning about independence and the word no, we can find ourselves on dangerous turf.

It’s better, then, to be cool.

Be cool. You be cool.

This advice carries over way past the toddler NO stage and food refusal, of course.

In fact, just recently, when I shared with my mom that a certain teen here has a “special friend,” my mom gave me some advice.

“Be cool,” she said.

But … I said.

“Be cool,” she said again, like a 65-year-old Shaft in nursing shoes and Snoopy scrubs.

And I know she’s right. This is another place to practice cheerful nonchalance.

She’s a year older? No sweat.

She drives a car? Sure.

She wants to meet you downtown for coffee like you’re both 52 and met on Match.com? Who am I to say no?

Of course, I’m the parent, so I reserve the right to say no, but I think my mom has a point. If I can just manage to be cool I’ve got a lot higher degree of likelihood that he doesn’t jump out his window in the night and head to a state where you can get married at 16.

What we don’t want in a Romeo and Juliet situation here.

Cheerful, nonchalant homeschooling

I believe that cheerful nonchalance has helped my homeschooling, because it has helped protect my relationship with my kids.

There are 82 billion ways to fix math, but it is infinitely harder to fix a broken relationship; broken trust.

So when a kid arrives at our dining room table cranky and out of sorts, the last thing I do is slap down a math worksheet and tell them they can’t get up until it’s done.

Homeschooling isn’t easy, but one huge advantage is that we don’t have to do things the traditional school way. Giving up that old mindset changes everything.

So instead, I attempt to stay cheerfully nonchalant, while also not letting my kids play Mario Kart all day and eat nothing but Hot Cheetos. It’s a balancing act, but worth the careful navigation.

Strewing 101

One way I do this is through strewing.

If you aren’t familiar with strewing, don’t worry – I just wrote a whole ebook about it!

But here’s the short version: Strewing is just placing educational materials in your child’s path for them to discover.

You can strew for pretty much any homeschool subject – my book gives you more than 100 ideas to get you started in language arts, math, science, social studies, art and more.

But I have to tell you my absolutely No. 1 strewing tip, and that is to practice strewing cheerful nonchalance.

When we get ideas to share with our kids, it’s only natural to get invested in and excited about those ideas.

But we need to be careful. Our enthusiasm can easily spill over into pushing, and that’s not what strewing is about.

In fact, some things you strew, your kids just won’t love. Trust me! I’ve been strewing for years and have strewed some real dud projects.

I’ve also strewed some stuff that turned into unit studies and long-time passions.

It’s kind of like Cactus Schooling.

We must strew GENTLY, and without a ton of emotion in order to be more successful in the long-term.

Learn More

To learn more about strewing, and my low-stress method, head over to check out my brand new ebook: Strewing 101: An Invitation to Play, Learn and Grow.

Inside you’ll find:

Answers to frequently asked strewing questions like:

  • How to do it
  • When and where
  • How to balance it with more formal academics
  • What to do when strewing goes wrong

Plus:

  • A printable for keeping track of strewing ideas
  • More than 100 strewing ideas for all subjects
  • Directions for 3 next-level strewing projects

This book is on sale for a limited time (until February 19, 2021).

Remember – be cool. You’ve got this.

Head here for more information and to get your copy today!

Homeschool decision fatigue: Give it 6 weeks

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

I got a message today that was basically the nicest bucket of cold water dumped upon my head.

The person was writing to me about decision fatigue.

I’d made it clear that this week had been a sort of challenging one (please see photographic evidence here), and she was gently reminding me that this time of year is so packed with decisions – what curricula materials to buy and from where; trying to create a new routine; new outside activities; should I hire that Spanish tutor …

It’s enough that my husband’s recent request that I ask a neighbor about borrowing his Shop-Vac almost made me cry with frustration.

Is it just me that feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m just one misworded text away from everything crumbling?

So it was a friendly water-dump (the message – not the literal one that required the Shop-Vac), because suddenly it made more sense why this all feels like it’s A LOT.

Because it is.

And I really struggle with decisions, even micro ones.

I think that’s why I’ve been eating so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately.

I mean, yes, they are delicious, but I’ve had one every day this week.

Sometimes it’s been a quick lunch, but other times it’s been something fast and protein-ish to keep me from falling apart.

I estimate I’m about 30 percent ground peanuts and sticky jelly at this point. The sandwiches could be physically keeping me together as well as emotionally.

But the ease can’t be beat. I don’t even mix up jam flavors. No decisions = No stress.

And I’m again so grateful for my homeschool sister Cait, who reminded me that I need to give “back-to-school” 6 weeks. That’s the mantra in traditional schools for teachers, students and parents.

It takes time to set rhythm and routines, and in the meantime, there are lots of decisions, and for some of us, that’s hard and so we need toddler lunches to keep us from yelling or throwing our belongings.

Speaking of decisions, a few weeks ago I made some big choices about our bookshelves.

Interestingly, we bought this house for the library, and yet displaying all of our books at once was not working here.

It actually all comes back to jam, and you can read about here.

Signing off from one week into my 6 weeks,

Kara

P.S. If you struggle with making decisions too, this is my favorite book on the topic!

This post contains affiliate links.

A simple guide to cleaning your homeschooling home (with FREE printable)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

They say that you should write the book you need, so this weekend, as I tried to reset our home, I started sketching out a plan.

At first, it all looked a little crazy.

So I pulled out my three favorite cleaning books:

  • Simply Clean by Becky Rapinchuk
  • Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook
  • Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson

And I started to think about what I love about each of those books, but why none of the plans work for me …

You Live in Your Home

It’s easier to keep a house neat when you’re not in it.

So that’s the first thing I need you to hear: You USE your house, my friend. 

As a busy homeschooling mama, you are home a lot, and your kiddos make messes – paint and soup and juice and glitter and if you add in any pets … 

So regular cleaning routines might not work for you.

I get that because they never quite worked for me either. 

A New Plan

So I decided to write out a new plan, which quickly turned into a whole system. (It’s amazing what you can get done when you’re procrastinating from actual cleaning.)

And an ebook was born. It’s called The Who Has Time For This Guide to Cleaning Your Homeschool Home.

It’s 19 pages, packed with ideas, systems and 8 printables to help you clean in a new way that works for a family that uses their home a lot.

Inside you’ll get:

A full cleaning break-down – my philosophy, plus trips, tricks and advice on how to clean in bite-sized chunks, while staying on top of daily messes.

Plus, 8 printables including:

  • my cleaning system
  • ideas for things to declutter
  • how to clean kids’ rooms (without yelling!)
  • ideas for rotating weekly/monthly tasks
  • chore ideas for kids
  • a family to-do list printable
  • an inspiring quote and MORE!
  • a link to my very favorite cleaning products
  • a free Mrs. Meyers gift set from Grove (with your first purchase)

Not perfect, but cozy, inviting and calm …

What I present in the book is an imperfect and dare I say lazy-ish cleaning plan.

I have no aspirations to win awards for my housekeeping.

But I also think it would be nice if when the Fed Ex guy came by, it didn’t look like we were in the process of being robbed.

Below, you can grab a FREE sneak-peek at my system, plus you’ll get a coupon code for $4 off the full ebook.

Want to just jump straight in instead? Go you! Just head here.

Happy cleaning, friends,

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.

That’s not your thing.

by Kara S. Anderson 44 Comments

This is probably not new information, but you are not your best friend.

You’re not your sister, your husband, your know-it-all cousin or that lady at co-op who told you that kids who don’t read by age 4 are usually dyslexic. 🙄

And so, you don’t have to be their things, either.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about how everyone has their “things” — the things they love, the things they hate, the things that control them and define them.

Let me share a few of mine:

I love books and tea and my big, comfy bed. I love growing tomatoes and playing fetch with my cat and meals I don’t have to cook. I love travel and crushed ice and reading to my kids. I love really old men in blacks socks who buy one pear at the grocery store, salted chocolate, paper letters, small acts of kindness, warm hugs from loved ones and the way my husband’s hand feels in mine after all these years.

I hate cased meats and when the doorbell rings unexpectedly and listening to music that I’m not in the mood for. I hate milk and that poofy thing they do at the eye doctor and confrontation and artificial sweeteners. I HATE the sound of folding paper. And I hate “project toys” that never work the way they said they would and frustrate me and my child.

I don’t trust mayonnaise. I BELIEVE in butter.

These are my things. They make me me.

Other People’s Things

But plenty of times, I have tried adopting other people’s things, because they were passionate or loud about those things, and through their passionate loudness, they seemed to make sense.

I tried giving up paper towels like a friend who is incredibly fiery about the environment. I beat myself up when I would buy a roll, but I also had panic attacks when a pet would explode.

I tried making all our bread products from scratch like another friend, and found us living on Amy’s enchiladas while I waited for dough to rise.

The Other Homeschool Mom

And I have tried being another kind of homeschool mom. I’ve tried doing what the fancy, organized lady on the Internet says. I’ve forced circle times and banned computer time and spent too much money on curriculum that made me, my kids, or both miserable.

I took other people’s things — what they loved or what they hated — and I tried to make them mine. And it didn’t work.

It rarely does. Because they are not me.

Planning This Year …

So this year, as you sit down to plan your school year, I beg of you –factor in your things.

Think about what makes you happy, what scares you, what makes you want to throw your shoes, what makes you feel soft and safe on the inside.

Think about the power you have to make the year ahead good and positive.

Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Who knows — maybe their thing is being miserable?

But yours doesn’t have to be.

You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s things anymore.

You have your things, and it’s time to start living more of the ones you love.

This post contains affiliate links.

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Hey there!

I'm Kara, homeschool mom, writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with the overdue books. I spend very early mornings and very late nights writing about homeschooling and parenting. I'm so glad you're here!

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