Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

Homeschool decision fatigue: Give it 6 weeks

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

I got a message today that was basically the nicest bucket of cold water dumped upon my head.

The person was writing to me about decision fatigue.

I’d made it clear that this week had been a sort of challenging one (please see photographic evidence here), and she was gently reminding me that this time of year is so packed with decisions – what curricula materials to buy and from where; trying to create a new routine; new outside activities; should I hire that Spanish tutor …

It’s enough that my husband’s recent request that I ask a neighbor about borrowing his Shop-Vac almost made me cry with frustration.

Is it just me that feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m just one misworded text away from everything crumbling?

So it was a friendly water-dump (the message – not the literal one that required the Shop-Vac), because suddenly it made more sense why this all feels like it’s A LOT.

Because it is.

And I really struggle with decisions, even micro ones.

I think that’s why I’ve been eating so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately.

I mean, yes, they are delicious, but I’ve had one every day this week.

Sometimes it’s been a quick lunch, but other times it’s been something fast and protein-ish to keep me from falling apart.

I estimate I’m about 30 percent ground peanuts and sticky jelly at this point. The sandwiches could be physically keeping me together as well as emotionally.

But the ease can’t be beat. I don’t even mix up jam flavors. No decisions = No stress.

And I’m again so grateful for my homeschool sister Cait, who reminded me that I need to give “back-to-school” 6 weeks. That’s the mantra in traditional schools for teachers, students and parents.

It takes time to set rhythm and routines, and in the meantime, there are lots of decisions, and for some of us, that’s hard and so we need toddler lunches to keep us from yelling or throwing our belongings.

Speaking of decisions, a few weeks ago I made some big choices about our bookshelves.

Interestingly, we bought this house for the library, and yet displaying all of our books at once was not working here.

It actually all comes back to jam, and you can read about here.

Signing off from one week into my 6 weeks,

Kara

P.S. If you struggle with making decisions too, this is my favorite book on the topic!

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A Poem for Peter and The Snowy Day: A Gentle Winter Unit Study

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

On a winter day 12 years ago, I sat curled with my children on the couch, reading the Caldecott-award-winning book The Snowy Day.

We loved the simple yet impactful illustrations, the charming text, and yet – as an adult, I felt that I was holding something much more complicated.

I looked at the publication date – 1962. Ahhh.

***

It was a few years ago now that I first read Andrea Davis Pinkney’s A Poem for Peter with tears in my eyes. She had put Keats’ amazing story into beautiful, lyrical text.

Keats was born Jacob (Jack) Ezra Katz in New York City in 1916 to Polish immigrant parents who had fled to America for a better, safer life.

As a boy, Keats witnessed poverty, (even before The Depression), racism, and discrimination. But he also witnessed the beauty of so many cultures in his East New York hometown.

An artist’s dream

Keats dreamt of becoming a real artist, even though it seemed almost impossible.

In fact, Keats, who was Jewish, changed his name in order to get a job.

When his almost impossible dream came true, and he had the opportunity to write and illustrate a children’s book on his own, he made the main character a young black boy.

The Snowy Day went on to win a Caldecott award, and Keats would write 6 more books about Peter and Peter’s world – an urban city. At a time when so many children weren’t seeing themselves or their world reflected in stories, Keats was willing to risk his work being rejected, just so young boys and girls could see themselves and their lives in the pages of a book.

I knew none of this when I first met Peter with my kids 12 years ago, but A Poem for Peter brings the story alive through poetry and collage.

For a long time, I’ve wanted to create a gentle unit study around these two books, and of course Keats’ remarkable story.

 

Begin with books

And now it’s ready!

My A Poem for Peter/The Snowy Day Gentle Unit Study is a 12-page guide for learning about these two beautiful books together.

It includes ideas for art projects, history, geography and even a little math.

This truly is an all-ages unit study, but some parts will work best for older children and some parts will appeal to younger kids. I think our recipe for Snowy Day cookies and instructions for a hot chocolate bar will appeal to most, though!

I’ve also included lots of book recommendations.

My own Snowy Day kiddos in 2013.

Spread a feast

The idea of this Gentle Unit Study Guide is to spread a feast of ideas to your children, while also helping them grow in empathy and understanding.

These books will help you discuss discrimination and history and have good conversations about big issues.

If your kids aren’t quite ready for that, it’s OK. I still think these two beautiful books have so much to offer, especially when you read them together while enjoying steaming mugs of cocoa.

Get your GUS Guide

For the month of January, you can purchase my A Poem For Peter/The Snowy Day Gentle Unit Study Guide for just $3.99.

The guide will lead you through several days of learning about Ezra and Peter together. With the included book recommendations, you could find yourself heading down rabbit trails that last a month or more.

Truthfully, I just hope that you’ll read A Poem for Peter and The Snowy Day with your children.

These books carry important messages even today.

I think your kids will love them both and learn so much. So I hope you’ll grab my guide and create warm memories together this winter.

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Product notes: This is a digital product. You will not received any printed materials.
Due to the digital nature of this product, returns are not available.

The cactus method of homeschool planning

by Kara S. Anderson 6 Comments

I find that when you call something a “method” it sometimes accidentally gives it street cred.

So last week, when I started talking about The Cactus Method of homeschool planning on Instagram, mamas started asking me what book it was from and where I had gotten the idea.

So I’m going to tell you that it’s from me, and it’s from a book I am writing in my head, but not the book I am currently writing-writing. I plan to finish that book in a few weeks while staying in a monastery, but I’m getting off track.

Anyway, the “cactus method” of homeschool planning is simply an idea I have that when you plan your week or day, you need to hold on to those plans loosely, like how you would hold a cactus. Originally I said a porcupine or cactus, but it quickly occurred to me how little control you would have if you were holding a porcupine.

The porcupine is really more in control in that specific scenario, and so it doesn’t work for the metaphor.

But a cactus – that’s all about you, baby. You can hold a cactus however you want, but I suggest you hold it gently.

Certainly don’t squeeze – my goodness.

So with that in mind, I go into my homeschool days with a plan, but not a schedule. And I guess I kind of figure after 12 years that things are going to come up, and plans might change, and there will be days when things just don’t really work at all, i.e. the kitten gets insane diarrhea on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

(This is how God/the Universe likes to keep me in my place – by reminding me that YES! I am in charge! But also, not really!)

How to use The Cactus Method

So every morning, I look at my planner. (I use this one and if you like it, use this link and get 5 bucks off – I’m on your side!)

And then I figure out what we can realistically do today, and then still think we can do more than we can.

But, I write a general plan on our desktop chalkboard.

This is saving a lot of sanity around here, because:

  • it forces me to plan the day, at least loosely
  • I don’t have to keep our plans in my head
  • everyone can see what we need to do
  • everyone isn’t asking me what we are doing every 8 minutes

Now, if all I had to do was follow the plan, I think that would probably be easy.

Easier.

But I am squishy and sensitive.

I’m an INFJ – and INFs take everyone’s feelings into account ALL THE TIME.

I’m also an Enneagram 9. Our tagline should basically be, “I don’t know. What do YOU want to do?”

This used to mean that sometimes my kids would wake cranky, or out of sorts and I would start making up special breakfast plates and filibustering in order to get our day going.

But now I have a tween and a teen, and when teens and tweens get “out of sorts” that can be surly AFF (as fancy Frenchmen.)

So yikes.

My whole strategy for getting people to the table this year has been “delicious breakfast food.”

Because just like how they say the biggest thing with exercise is just putting on your gear, or the biggest thing with yoga is rolling out your mat, the biggest thing with surly wildebeest tweens and teens is just getting them to the table and putting some protein in their face-holes.

(Also maybe avoid eye contact.)

via GIPHY

You can see how all of this is a recipe for the cactus method, right?

Also, Margin

I’m also going to share one other tip, and that’s to CREATE MARGIN. Because kids have interests and passions, and if we make time for those things, everyone is happier.

So another key component of the cactus schooling method (#copyright #trademark) is asking your kids, “What do you want to do today?”

In order to be able to fulfill those requests/dreams, however, you can’t have your day packed full of things YOU want to do.

I’ve long believed this to be true, but recently I was talking to a friend who has graduated two kids, and those kids are now pursuing their passions via college and thriving, so even though I made up the cactus method (#allrightsreserved), I think there is something to it.

Finally, you may be asking yourself how to keep track of things if you are “planning” so loosely.

I have a few recommendations:

  • First, you can download my free homeschool bullet journal planning guide here.
  • In your bullet journal, or planner, or any notebook, you can create a Big Picture Planning Page. (BPPP)
  • Then, each week, as you sit down to plan, you can mark out what you would like to do each day.

Remember – this is a general idea, and you are not tied to these things.

This is not a blood oath situation. Stop chanting.

  • Then, leave room for margin. Leave room for emergency kitten vet visits and leaky toilets and surly AFF kids and hobbies and interests.

If this makes you super nervous, maybe check out this post on how I record what we have done in our homeschool each day, and how that is helping me build a transcript for my high schooler.

Then, repeat after me: We don’t have control over what our kids learn or retain. We do have control over the tone of our days, and how we treat our people, and those things are more important anyway.

So hold that plan like a cactus. Put it down entirely if you need to. (Some days you WILL need to.)

Thank you for coming to my Cactus Method TEDtalk.

#thecactusmethod #cactusschooling #stopchanting

 

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Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches

by Kara S. Anderson 15 Comments

At the end of my grandmother’s very long life, the early days of mothering were still very important to her.

I know this because she chose to include two items in her obituary: room mother, and cub scout den leader.

My grandmother lived for 94 full years. She went to college, she traveled, and after her husband died unexpectedly in the 70s, she managed a family on her own.

She started a business; she volunteered.

And when she helped to write her obituary, she included these items with equal value.

Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches.

***

I was talking with a friend recently about meeting new people, and awkward small talk – specifically how to explain to strangers what we do all day. And maybe even more challenging – why we do it.

Although homeschooling becomes more popular all the time, we are still early settlers – maybe not pioneers, but the next generation – the ones who know a little about the land and what we should plant, but we’re still building and developing community.

Before kids, I didn’t imagine myself as a homeschooler. But I did want to be a room mother.

And so when I unexpectedly got laid off at 9 months pregnant, I took it as a sign.

The larger my baby grew inside me, the more he squished my heart up into my throat, I think. It became hard for me not to shout that I didn’t want to go back to full-time work.

I loved my job, but I knew that my particular career choice was not going to be well-suited to balanced motherhood.

And I wanted to get to be a mom too, not just a newspaper lady with a kid in the background.

***

Have you been watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

Where are her kids?

I mean, I love it – I do. But was it like this in the late 50s? Kids neither seen nor heard?

Not for Grandma Lois.

Her children were a joy to her. My Aunt Chris told a story over Christmas about boy scouts dipping candles in their old kitchen, in their family home.

She remembers her mother this way. She also remembers living room tents and slumber parties with cousins and picnics …

Her boys remember taking off on bikes and their mom telling them to have fun and stay out of the creek.

She was there.

***

We are HERE with our kids. That’s what hard to explain, I guess, to people who don’t understand homeschooling.

It’s part about school, and part about just life.

It’s a little about math, and a lot about errands, really.

Can I tell you a secret, though? My son and I have the best talks while running errands.

***

I woke up this morning with two thoughts – the first was that I wanted to write about my grandmother, and what I noted in her obituary – that the early years of mothering mattered to her, continued to matter to her as she looked back over along life …

It sort of stuck out to me like a flashing beacon, and what it said is that this is not time wasted.

The second thought was that I have a Day in the Life post due soon to a site where I contribute, and I’m worried about it. Every year, I find it harder and harder to quantify what we do here.

My kids are 11 and 14, with birthdays in the next few weeks. They are their own people in many ways, and I am simply their support person.

They are doing their own thing a lot of the time, and so am I.

Is that OK? Is that enough?

***

I had a 3-year-old person visit recently.

I’m pretty sure I was in the second-best shape of my life when I had a 3-year-old (only after when I was an athlete training 4 hours per day).

In the time she was here, I was up and down a lot from my chair.

We pulled stuff off shelves and out of the fridge, and I started to remember what it had been like back in the very earliest days …

I’m not sure I could get through that kind of intensity again.

My husband had a really demanding boss, and we were still figuring a lot out. I can remember taking my own 3-year-old and infant to my annual gynecologist appointment, because I didn’t have a support system.

My 3-year-old narrated.

It was eye-opening for both of us.

For a long time, I was surviving.

***

Back then, I wondered frequently if I was doing the right thing. I was an exhausted and stressed mom, who was running on empty all the time.

I knew I wasn’t at my best, and so I wondered how I could possibly be giving my best.

Pre-school was a respite for me, and when it didn’t work, I wasn’t sure that I could manage homeschooling a precocious kid while caring for a baby.

I tried, and we sent him back to school after the first few months.

***

And then we tried again and it stuck.

But I still get scared sometimes.

Now I am a busy mom, who is trying to balance work and school and life.

What if this has all been a mistake? That’s what hits me at 3 in the morning.

That my kids still need to work on handwriting. That we are behind in math.

That I am failing them.

***

And so what Grandma Lois reminded me is that being here is important.

That’s not about homeschooling.

That’s just parenting.

Being here is about listening, and laughing together, and being counsel and silly what-if conversations on the way to the bank.

So even when we get scared about the homeschooling part, maybe we can find some comfort in the other part?

Maybe we can remember that at the end, that will matter.

“She has watched every moment of your life, almost, and she loves you as God does, to the marrow of your bones.” – Gilead

***

And so in our days with our kids, maybe we can shift our focus:

  • Maybe we can try to smile more.
  • Maybe we can do more projects, whether or not they are “school.”
  • Maybe we can watch TV and movies together.
  • Maybe we can go boring places, but talk on the way there.
  • Maybe we can have more picnics.
  • Maybe we can build more tent cities.
  •  

Maybe, we can just love our kids as they are. Grandma Lois had an incredible way of doing just that.

In fact, she taught me a lot about how to love people well.

So that is what I strive for each day here. To see my people. To love them. To be here.

These years in the trenches matter.

In fact, when we look back, they may feel like what mattered the most.

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