Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

‘Cheerful nonchalance’: Or how to homeschool without losing your cool

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

I first heard the phrase “cheerful nonchalance” from my friend Meg.

In her mid-20s, Meg was an old soul. She was one of those people who seemed “considered,” you know what I mean?

She was basically the opposite of willy-nilly. She would not be flying by the seat of her pants, no matter how many people around her flapped and shouted.

For instance, Meg taught a group of us about a parenting technique she termed “cheerful nonchalance.”

I can’t remember exactly the way this came up, so this is the example I offer:

Let’s say that you’ve noticed that your toddler has not had a vegetable since last month.

Kids go through stages like this, but when we are young mothers, our beloved child neglecting a couple of bites of broccoli is enough to send us into a tailspin.

Meg, in her infinite wisdom, pointed out that hand-wringing, hair-tugging and weeping aren’t likely to make our kids suddenly develop a love for greens, and won’t help us navigate the situation with much aplomb.

Instead, she offered practicing cheerful nonchalance.

OK, you say to your vegetable denier. More broccoli for me. Or the dog. Or the compost bin.

Maybe you just keep serving vegetables and keep eating them but not making a big production of it and it’s just that simple?

Sounds better than the crying thing, right?

What you do not do is freak out.

Because our children, although they be small, are mighty wise. They sense our emotions like tiny sponges in dungarees, and at a certain point in their young lives when they are learning about independence and the word no, we can find ourselves on dangerous turf.

It’s better, then, to be cool.

Be cool. You be cool.

This advice carries over way past the toddler NO stage and food refusal, of course.

In fact, just recently, when I shared with my mom that a certain teen here has a “special friend,” my mom gave me some advice.

“Be cool,” she said.

But … I said.

“Be cool,” she said again, like a 65-year-old Shaft in nursing shoes and Snoopy scrubs.

And I know she’s right. This is another place to practice cheerful nonchalance.

She’s a year older? No sweat.

She drives a car? Sure.

She wants to meet you downtown for coffee like you’re both 52 and met on Match.com? Who am I to say no?

Of course, I’m the parent, so I reserve the right to say no, but I think my mom has a point. If I can just manage to be cool I’ve got a lot higher degree of likelihood that he doesn’t jump out his window in the night and head to a state where you can get married at 16.

What we don’t want in a Romeo and Juliet situation here.

Cheerful, nonchalant homeschooling

I believe that cheerful nonchalance has helped my homeschooling, because it has helped protect my relationship with my kids.

There are 82 billion ways to fix math, but it is infinitely harder to fix a broken relationship; broken trust.

So when a kid arrives at our dining room table cranky and out of sorts, the last thing I do is slap down a math worksheet and tell them they can’t get up until it’s done.

Homeschooling isn’t easy, but one huge advantage is that we don’t have to do things the traditional school way. Giving up that old mindset changes everything.

So instead, I attempt to stay cheerfully nonchalant, while also not letting my kids play Mario Kart all day and eat nothing but Hot Cheetos. It’s a balancing act, but worth the careful navigation.

Strewing 101

One way I do this is through strewing.

If you aren’t familiar with strewing, don’t worry – I just wrote a whole ebook about it!

But here’s the short version: Strewing is just placing educational materials in your child’s path for them to discover.

You can strew for pretty much any homeschool subject – my book gives you more than 100 ideas to get you started in language arts, math, science, social studies, art and more.

But I have to tell you my absolutely No. 1 strewing tip, and that is to practice strewing cheerful nonchalance.

When we get ideas to share with our kids, it’s only natural to get invested in and excited about those ideas.

But we need to be careful. Our enthusiasm can easily spill over into pushing, and that’s not what strewing is about.

In fact, some things you strew, your kids just won’t love. Trust me! I’ve been strewing for years and have strewed some real dud projects.

I’ve also strewed some stuff that turned into unit studies and long-time passions.

It’s kind of like Cactus Schooling.

We must strew GENTLY, and without a ton of emotion in order to be more successful in the long-term.

Learn More

To learn more about strewing, and my low-stress method, head over to check out my brand new ebook: Strewing 101: An Invitation to Play, Learn and Grow.

Inside you’ll find:

Answers to frequently asked strewing questions like:

  • How to do it
  • When and where
  • How to balance it with more formal academics
  • What to do when strewing goes wrong

Plus:

  • A printable for keeping track of strewing ideas
  • More than 100 strewing ideas for all subjects
  • Directions for 3 next-level strewing projects

This book is on sale for a limited time (until February 19, 2021).

Remember – be cool. You’ve got this.

Head here for more information and to get your copy today!

Homeschool decision fatigue: Give it 6 weeks

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

I got a message today that was basically the nicest bucket of cold water dumped upon my head.

The person was writing to me about decision fatigue.

I’d made it clear that this week had been a sort of challenging one (please see photographic evidence here), and she was gently reminding me that this time of year is so packed with decisions – what curricula materials to buy and from where; trying to create a new routine; new outside activities; should I hire that Spanish tutor …

It’s enough that my husband’s recent request that I ask a neighbor about borrowing his Shop-Vac almost made me cry with frustration.

Is it just me that feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m just one misworded text away from everything crumbling?

So it was a friendly water-dump (the message – not the literal one that required the Shop-Vac), because suddenly it made more sense why this all feels like it’s A LOT.

Because it is.

And I really struggle with decisions, even micro ones.

I think that’s why I’ve been eating so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately.

I mean, yes, they are delicious, but I’ve had one every day this week.

Sometimes it’s been a quick lunch, but other times it’s been something fast and protein-ish to keep me from falling apart.

I estimate I’m about 30 percent ground peanuts and sticky jelly at this point. The sandwiches could be physically keeping me together as well as emotionally.

But the ease can’t be beat. I don’t even mix up jam flavors. No decisions = No stress.

And I’m again so grateful for my homeschool sister Cait, who reminded me that I need to give “back-to-school” 6 weeks. That’s the mantra in traditional schools for teachers, students and parents.

It takes time to set rhythm and routines, and in the meantime, there are lots of decisions, and for some of us, that’s hard and so we need toddler lunches to keep us from yelling or throwing our belongings.

Speaking of decisions, a few weeks ago I made some big choices about our bookshelves.

Interestingly, we bought this house for the library, and yet displaying all of our books at once was not working here.

It actually all comes back to jam, and you can read about here.

Signing off from one week into my 6 weeks,

Kara

P.S. If you struggle with making decisions too, this is my favorite book on the topic!

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A Poem for Peter and The Snowy Day: A Gentle Winter Unit Study

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

On a winter day 12 years ago, I sat curled with my children on the couch, reading the Caldecott-award-winning book The Snowy Day.

We loved the simple yet impactful illustrations, the charming text, and yet – as an adult, I felt that I was holding something much more complicated.

I looked at the publication date – 1962. Ahhh.

***

It was a few years ago now that I first read Andrea Davis Pinkney’s A Poem for Peter with tears in my eyes. She had put Keats’ amazing story into beautiful, lyrical text.

Keats was born Jacob (Jack) Ezra Katz in New York City in 1916 to Polish immigrant parents who had fled to America for a better, safer life.

As a boy, Keats witnessed poverty, (even before The Depression), racism, and discrimination. But he also witnessed the beauty of so many cultures in his East New York hometown.

An artist’s dream

Keats dreamt of becoming a real artist, even though it seemed almost impossible.

In fact, Keats, who was Jewish, changed his name in order to get a job.

When his almost impossible dream came true, and he had the opportunity to write and illustrate a children’s book on his own, he made the main character a young black boy.

The Snowy Day went on to win a Caldecott award, and Keats would write 6 more books about Peter and Peter’s world – an urban city. At a time when so many children weren’t seeing themselves or their world reflected in stories, Keats was willing to risk his work being rejected, just so young boys and girls could see themselves and their lives in the pages of a book.

I knew none of this when I first met Peter with my kids 12 years ago, but A Poem for Peter brings the story alive through poetry and collage.

For a long time, I’ve wanted to create a gentle unit study around these two books, and of course Keats’ remarkable story.

 

Begin with books

And now it’s ready!

My A Poem for Peter/The Snowy Day Gentle Unit Study is a 12-page guide for learning about these two beautiful books together.

It includes ideas for art projects, history, geography and even a little math.

This truly is an all-ages unit study, but some parts will work best for older children and some parts will appeal to younger kids. I think our recipe for Snowy Day cookies and instructions for a hot chocolate bar will appeal to most, though!

I’ve also included lots of book recommendations.

My own Snowy Day kiddos in 2013.

Spread a feast

The idea of this Gentle Unit Study Guide is to spread a feast of ideas to your children, while also helping them grow in empathy and understanding.

These books will help you discuss discrimination and history and have good conversations about big issues.

If your kids aren’t quite ready for that, it’s OK. I still think these two beautiful books have so much to offer, especially when you read them together while enjoying steaming mugs of cocoa.

Get your GUS Guide

For the month of January, you can purchase my A Poem For Peter/The Snowy Day Gentle Unit Study Guide for just $3.99.

The guide will lead you through several days of learning about Ezra and Peter together. With the included book recommendations, you could find yourself heading down rabbit trails that last a month or more.

Truthfully, I just hope that you’ll read A Poem for Peter and The Snowy Day with your children.

These books carry important messages even today.

I think your kids will love them both and learn so much. So I hope you’ll grab my guide and create warm memories together this winter.

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Product notes: This is a digital product. You will not received any printed materials.
Due to the digital nature of this product, returns are not available.

The cactus method of homeschool planning

by Kara S. Anderson 6 Comments

I find that when you call something a “method” it sometimes accidentally gives it street cred.

So last week, when I started talking about The Cactus Method of homeschool planning on Instagram, mamas started asking me what book it was from and where I had gotten the idea.

So I’m going to tell you that it’s from me, and it’s from a book I am writing in my head, but not the book I am currently writing-writing. I plan to finish that book in a few weeks while staying in a monastery, but I’m getting off track.

Anyway, the “cactus method” of homeschool planning is simply an idea I have that when you plan your week or day, you need to hold on to those plans loosely, like how you would hold a cactus. Originally I said a porcupine or cactus, but it quickly occurred to me how little control you would have if you were holding a porcupine.

The porcupine is really more in control in that specific scenario, and so it doesn’t work for the metaphor.

But a cactus – that’s all about you, baby. You can hold a cactus however you want, but I suggest you hold it gently.

Certainly don’t squeeze – my goodness.

So with that in mind, I go into my homeschool days with a plan, but not a schedule. And I guess I kind of figure after 12 years that things are going to come up, and plans might change, and there will be days when things just don’t really work at all, i.e. the kitten gets insane diarrhea on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

(This is how God/the Universe likes to keep me in my place – by reminding me that YES! I am in charge! But also, not really!)

How to use The Cactus Method

So every morning, I look at my planner. (I use this one and if you like it, use this link and get 5 bucks off – I’m on your side!)

And then I figure out what we can realistically do today, and then still think we can do more than we can.

But, I write a general plan on our desktop chalkboard.

This is saving a lot of sanity around here, because:

  • it forces me to plan the day, at least loosely
  • I don’t have to keep our plans in my head
  • everyone can see what we need to do
  • everyone isn’t asking me what we are doing every 8 minutes

Now, if all I had to do was follow the plan, I think that would probably be easy.

Easier.

But I am squishy and sensitive.

I’m an INFJ – and INFs take everyone’s feelings into account ALL THE TIME.

I’m also an Enneagram 9. Our tagline should basically be, “I don’t know. What do YOU want to do?”

This used to mean that sometimes my kids would wake cranky, or out of sorts and I would start making up special breakfast plates and filibustering in order to get our day going.

But now I have a tween and a teen, and when teens and tweens get “out of sorts” that can be surly AFF (as fancy Frenchmen.)

So yikes.

My whole strategy for getting people to the table this year has been “delicious breakfast food.”

Because just like how they say the biggest thing with exercise is just putting on your gear, or the biggest thing with yoga is rolling out your mat, the biggest thing with surly wildebeest tweens and teens is just getting them to the table and putting some protein in their face-holes.

(Also maybe avoid eye contact.)

via GIPHY

You can see how all of this is a recipe for the cactus method, right?

Also, Margin

I’m also going to share one other tip, and that’s to CREATE MARGIN. Because kids have interests and passions, and if we make time for those things, everyone is happier.

So another key component of the cactus schooling method (#copyright #trademark) is asking your kids, “What do you want to do today?”

In order to be able to fulfill those requests/dreams, however, you can’t have your day packed full of things YOU want to do.

I’ve long believed this to be true, but recently I was talking to a friend who has graduated two kids, and those kids are now pursuing their passions via college and thriving, so even though I made up the cactus method (#allrightsreserved), I think there is something to it.

Finally, you may be asking yourself how to keep track of things if you are “planning” so loosely.

I have a few recommendations:

  • First, you can download my free homeschool bullet journal planning guide here.
  • In your bullet journal, or planner, or any notebook, you can create a Big Picture Planning Page. (BPPP)
  • Then, each week, as you sit down to plan, you can mark out what you would like to do each day.

Remember – this is a general idea, and you are not tied to these things.

This is not a blood oath situation. Stop chanting.

  • Then, leave room for margin. Leave room for emergency kitten vet visits and leaky toilets and surly AFF kids and hobbies and interests.

If this makes you super nervous, maybe check out this post on how I record what we have done in our homeschool each day, and how that is helping me build a transcript for my high schooler.

Then, repeat after me: We don’t have control over what our kids learn or retain. We do have control over the tone of our days, and how we treat our people, and those things are more important anyway.

So hold that plan like a cactus. Put it down entirely if you need to. (Some days you WILL need to.)

Thank you for coming to my Cactus Method TEDtalk.

#thecactusmethod #cactusschooling #stopchanting

 

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