Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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‘Cheerful nonchalance’: Or how to homeschool without losing your cool

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

I first heard the phrase “cheerful nonchalance” from my friend Meg.

In her mid-20s, Meg was an old soul. She was one of those people who seemed “considered,” you know what I mean?

She was basically the opposite of willy-nilly. She would not be flying by the seat of her pants, no matter how many people around her flapped and shouted.

For instance, Meg taught a group of us about a parenting technique she termed “cheerful nonchalance.”

I can’t remember exactly the way this came up, so this is the example I offer:

Let’s say that you’ve noticed that your toddler has not had a vegetable since last month.

Kids go through stages like this, but when we are young mothers, our beloved child neglecting a couple of bites of broccoli is enough to send us into a tailspin.

Meg, in her infinite wisdom, pointed out that hand-wringing, hair-tugging and weeping aren’t likely to make our kids suddenly develop a love for greens, and won’t help us navigate the situation with much aplomb.

Instead, she offered practicing cheerful nonchalance.

OK, you say to your vegetable denier. More broccoli for me. Or the dog. Or the compost bin.

Maybe you just keep serving vegetables and keep eating them but not making a big production of it and it’s just that simple?

Sounds better than the crying thing, right?

What you do not do is freak out.

Because our children, although they be small, are mighty wise. They sense our emotions like tiny sponges in dungarees, and at a certain point in their young lives when they are learning about independence and the word no, we can find ourselves on dangerous turf.

It’s better, then, to be cool.

Be cool. You be cool.

This advice carries over way past the toddler NO stage and food refusal, of course.

In fact, just recently, when I shared with my mom that a certain teen here has a “special friend,” my mom gave me some advice.

“Be cool,” she said.

But … I said.

“Be cool,” she said again, like a 65-year-old Shaft in nursing shoes and Snoopy scrubs.

And I know she’s right. This is another place to practice cheerful nonchalance.

She’s a year older? No sweat.

She drives a car? Sure.

She wants to meet you downtown for coffee like you’re both 52 and met on Match.com? Who am I to say no?

Of course, I’m the parent, so I reserve the right to say no, but I think my mom has a point. If I can just manage to be cool I’ve got a lot higher degree of likelihood that he doesn’t jump out his window in the night and head to a state where you can get married at 16.

What we don’t want in a Romeo and Juliet situation here.

Cheerful, nonchalant homeschooling

I believe that cheerful nonchalance has helped my homeschooling, because it has helped protect my relationship with my kids.

There are 82 billion ways to fix math, but it is infinitely harder to fix a broken relationship; broken trust.

So when a kid arrives at our dining room table cranky and out of sorts, the last thing I do is slap down a math worksheet and tell them they can’t get up until it’s done.

Homeschooling isn’t easy, but one huge advantage is that we don’t have to do things the traditional school way. Giving up that old mindset changes everything.

So instead, I attempt to stay cheerfully nonchalant, while also not letting my kids play Mario Kart all day and eat nothing but Hot Cheetos. It’s a balancing act, but worth the careful navigation.

Strewing 101

One way I do this is through strewing.

If you aren’t familiar with strewing, don’t worry – I just wrote a whole ebook about it!

But here’s the short version: Strewing is just placing educational materials in your child’s path for them to discover.

You can strew for pretty much any homeschool subject – my book gives you more than 100 ideas to get you started in language arts, math, science, social studies, art and more.

But I have to tell you my absolutely No. 1 strewing tip, and that is to practice strewing cheerful nonchalance.

When we get ideas to share with our kids, it’s only natural to get invested in and excited about those ideas.

But we need to be careful. Our enthusiasm can easily spill over into pushing, and that’s not what strewing is about.

In fact, some things you strew, your kids just won’t love. Trust me! I’ve been strewing for years and have strewed some real dud projects.

I’ve also strewed some stuff that turned into unit studies and long-time passions.

It’s kind of like Cactus Schooling.

We must strew GENTLY, and without a ton of emotion in order to be more successful in the long-term.

Learn More

To learn more about strewing, and my low-stress method, head over to check out my brand new ebook: Strewing 101: An Invitation to Play, Learn and Grow.

Inside you’ll find:

Answers to frequently asked strewing questions like:

  • How to do it
  • When and where
  • How to balance it with more formal academics
  • What to do when strewing goes wrong

Plus:

  • A printable for keeping track of strewing ideas
  • More than 100 strewing ideas for all subjects
  • Directions for 3 next-level strewing projects

This book is on sale for a limited time (until February 19, 2021).

Remember – be cool. You’ve got this.

Head here for more information and to get your copy today!

Creating a basic daily checklist (FREE printable)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

Last week, I was feeling overwhelmed.

This is nothing new.

I have been actively overwhelmed since April – probably you too, right?

But lately, I’ve been feeling particularly nervous. I have anxiety, and when it comes to fight/flight or freeze, I’m a popsicle.

Some days, just making a full daily plan is too much.

(Other times, it’s what saves me.)

Prioritizing self-care

My therapist has recommended focusing on self-care, but How? When?

So I decided to create a checklist.

The first version was like 62 things long.

I want to tell you – a daily checklist with too many things on it is pointless, especially when you’re anxious. We must practice some Essentialism here.

So I created a bare-bones, simple list.

And then I decided I’d share it, in case you feel overwhelmed right now too.

Something I want to point out – this list has stars on it. There’s a reason for that.

I want you to remember that you are already doing a lot. You’re already getting a lot right. If you got a star for each time you found the blue sippy cup, or smiled at your kids, or remembered to order something your family needs, you would be sparkling like the sun.

So please don’t put more pressure on yourself with this list.

But if you are going days at a time forgetting basics like drinking water and taking your vitamins, I hope this will help.

Here is my list for now:

Hanging On

A LOT of us are hanging on by a thread right now.

We are dealing with a pandemic, a contentious election, homeschooling and parenting. Many of us are caring for parents or other loved ones, dealing with mental health issues, trying to help kids navigate this huge feelings of this season, dealing with lay-offs, furloughs, job loss or cut-backs and otherwise just trying to do our best in one of the most stressful times in recent history.

My hope with this free printable is that it will give you structure and get things out of your head. But I don’t want it to add more pressure in any way, so if this isn’t for you – that’s OK. And, you get an extra star for knowing that!

Grab your free printable here.

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.

 

Homeschool decision fatigue: Give it 6 weeks

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

I got a message today that was basically the nicest bucket of cold water dumped upon my head.

The person was writing to me about decision fatigue.

I’d made it clear that this week had been a sort of challenging one (please see photographic evidence here), and she was gently reminding me that this time of year is so packed with decisions – what curricula materials to buy and from where; trying to create a new routine; new outside activities; should I hire that Spanish tutor …

It’s enough that my husband’s recent request that I ask a neighbor about borrowing his Shop-Vac almost made me cry with frustration.

Is it just me that feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and I’m just one misworded text away from everything crumbling?

So it was a friendly water-dump (the message – not the literal one that required the Shop-Vac), because suddenly it made more sense why this all feels like it’s A LOT.

Because it is.

And I really struggle with decisions, even micro ones.

I think that’s why I’ve been eating so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches lately.

I mean, yes, they are delicious, but I’ve had one every day this week.

Sometimes it’s been a quick lunch, but other times it’s been something fast and protein-ish to keep me from falling apart.

I estimate I’m about 30 percent ground peanuts and sticky jelly at this point. The sandwiches could be physically keeping me together as well as emotionally.

But the ease can’t be beat. I don’t even mix up jam flavors. No decisions = No stress.

And I’m again so grateful for my homeschool sister Cait, who reminded me that I need to give “back-to-school” 6 weeks. That’s the mantra in traditional schools for teachers, students and parents.

It takes time to set rhythm and routines, and in the meantime, there are lots of decisions, and for some of us, that’s hard and so we need toddler lunches to keep us from yelling or throwing our belongings.

Speaking of decisions, a few weeks ago I made some big choices about our bookshelves.

Interestingly, we bought this house for the library, and yet displaying all of our books at once was not working here.

It actually all comes back to jam, and you can read about here.

Signing off from one week into my 6 weeks,

Kara

P.S. If you struggle with making decisions too, this is my favorite book on the topic!

This post contains affiliate links.

A simple guide to cleaning your homeschooling home (with FREE printable)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

They say that you should write the book you need, so this weekend, as I tried to reset our home, I started sketching out a plan.

At first, it all looked a little crazy.

So I pulled out my three favorite cleaning books:

  • Simply Clean by Becky Rapinchuk
  • Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook
  • Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelson

And I started to think about what I love about each of those books, but why none of the plans work for me …

You Live in Your Home

It’s easier to keep a house neat when you’re not in it.

So that’s the first thing I need you to hear: You USE your house, my friend. 

As a busy homeschooling mama, you are home a lot, and your kiddos make messes – paint and soup and juice and glitter and if you add in any pets … 

So regular cleaning routines might not work for you.

I get that because they never quite worked for me either. 

A New Plan

So I decided to write out a new plan, which quickly turned into a whole system. (It’s amazing what you can get done when you’re procrastinating from actual cleaning.)

And an ebook was born. It’s called The Who Has Time For This Guide to Cleaning Your Homeschool Home.

It’s 19 pages, packed with ideas, systems and 8 printables to help you clean in a new way that works for a family that uses their home a lot.

Inside you’ll get:

A full cleaning break-down – my philosophy, plus trips, tricks and advice on how to clean in bite-sized chunks, while staying on top of daily messes.

Plus, 8 printables including:

  • my cleaning system
  • ideas for things to declutter
  • how to clean kids’ rooms (without yelling!)
  • ideas for rotating weekly/monthly tasks
  • chore ideas for kids
  • a family to-do list printable
  • an inspiring quote and MORE!
  • a link to my very favorite cleaning products
  • a free Mrs. Meyers gift set from Grove (with your first purchase)

Not perfect, but cozy, inviting and calm …

What I present in the book is an imperfect and dare I say lazy-ish cleaning plan.

I have no aspirations to win awards for my housekeeping.

But I also think it would be nice if when the Fed Ex guy came by, it didn’t look like we were in the process of being robbed.

Below, you can grab a FREE sneak-peek at my system, plus you’ll get a coupon code for $4 off the full ebook.

Want to just jump straight in instead? Go you! Just head here.

Happy cleaning, friends,

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.
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Hey there!

I'm Kara, homeschool mom, writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with the overdue books. I spend very early mornings and very late nights writing about homeschooling and parenting. I'm so glad you're here!

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karastephensonanderson

kara s anderson
Me starting back to homeschooling when I feel bett Me starting back to homeschooling when I feel better:

For our homeschool I have chosen to create an eclectic educational trifle.* 

🍴First there’s a layer of math

🍴Then American History

🍴Then a grammar/punctuation review - which like Rachel I’m making from scratch

🍴Then beef sautéed with peas and onions

🍴And then science and I’ll just put some whipped cream on top.

What I’m saying is that whenever we start back after a break, I like to layer stuff in slowly. 

What do you do - do you layer slowly or just jump in like Monica?

Ooh - or do you not really explain to people what you do because it’s so complex - like Chandler? 🍨

Or do you have a 4 year-old and feel like you just study dinosaurs? 

We see you, Ross. 🦖

*Editor’s note: It won’t actually play out how planned. It never does. But I like to start with a recipe.

#trifle
#ross
#fromscratch 
#whippedcream
Well first, my girl @vanessanwright has me journal Well first, my girl @vanessanwright has me journaling to deal with some of the big stuff surrounding my health and surgery.

It’s hard and I want to cry a lot, but that’s how I know it’s exactly what I need to be doing.

Also, someone mentioned in a comment this week that they hoped I would find rainbows soon ... so I added some! You can kind of see on this journal page - the rainbow from a crystal I moved to my bedroom window 🌈 It’s helping.

I have to admit that we ran into a tech snag though here today (kid’s broken laptop) which left us discombobulated.

But I found the solution to resetting a bad day and have to share it:

A pile of candy + video games.

I’m not sure why I never employed this before. But please sign up for my upcoming parenting master class.

A sweet friend surprised me with enough candy to make a pile. From there, we simply added Mario Kart.

But I’m sure you can adapt this to solve all your parenting problems. No candy? Try cake, ice cream or monetary bribes.

Don’t have Mario Kart? No sweat! Try any video game, lawn darts or actual go karts.

Boom. I solved parenting. 

Actually, me from a few years ago is aghast at current me. She’s requested an intervention. 

This is what happens when you get all loosey-goosey about bagels.

#candy
#videogames
#bagels 🥯 
#looseygoosey
#rainbows 🌈
This is my anxious face. You see how my lower lip This is my anxious face.

You see how my lower lip is tucked in? I think I subconsciously do that because it keeps everything in my head from spinning out like a tornado with cows and oil trucks in it.

I am tired of being in bed, but today I tried to help a kid with school and being in a chair is hard. 

  So I want to punch things.

What I’m learning is that I’m not very patient.

And also ... that I’m caught up in some lies, mainly that my value as a person is based on how my kids are learning right now and whether there is crap on my kitchen counters and how I’m contributing to my family financially.

That’s all nonsense, but sometimes the guilt starts spinning and I find myself trying to swallow my own head.

Unrelated: At the beginning of all of this, a friend dropped off bagels and cream cheese and one child here has developed an addiction to cinnamon bagels and cream cheese. 

Today I was asked if this is an ok breakfast, because perhaps in the past I’ve been a bit of a lunatic about whole grains and eggs from chickens with health insurance. 

We’re all still recovering.

“Yes,” I told the child, “it’s a great breakfast.”

But I couldn’t stop myself!! 🤦‍♀️

“I mean I guess you could add some fruit?”

Response: “Or put shredded carrots on top. 

Call it ‘Preschool Carrot Cake.’” 🥕 

This totally sounds like a thing, right?

No one steal this idea. Preschool Carrot Cake ™️©

#preschool
#carrotcake
#chickens
#momguilt
#tornados
George is 8 today. Probably. We can only estimate George is 8 today. Probably. We can only estimate when he was born and what happened until he was brought to a shelter, and then loaded into a tricked-out Winnebago for an adoption event.

We had gone to meet a kitten named Chowder, but he got adopted first thing that morning. 

We were worried that two kids (6&9) wouldn’t be able to choose one cat,
but we knew when we met George that it was meant to be.

What we didn’t know is how he would be a gateway cat, making us all cat lovers, leading to more adoptions, volunteering and fostering.

And, of course, I had no idea I was adopting my FBFF (feline best friend forever).

Our cats have made this past year so much more manageable, and these past few months especially, George has been right by my side, helping me feel safe and so loved. 🥰

I’m so lucky to be his human. 🤍

P.S. Every single morning he “hunts” this lion and brings it to me because he knows I’m terrible at catching my own food. #heisnotwrong #vegetarianfor30years
Update: I rode in a car yesterday! #thingspuppies Update: I rode in a car yesterday!

#thingspuppiessay

It was just to the doc, but whatever. I need this, Carol.

My doc literally mentioned “tugging” and “pulling” during my surgery. I’m not super delicate when it comes to body stuff, but that’s the hardest I’ve gagged since while watching Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, someone advised drinking “virgin’s tears,” and then handed over a tiny bottle.

I’m sorry - I needed to share that Acorn TV trauma.

Anyway- she said things are going to take time. In many ways, she said, my body is new. 

How lucky am I?! I got a do-over.

Other updates: I’m allowed to use the microwave!

#things7yearoldssay 

Although yesterday I was entirely baffled by the directions on an Amy’s burrito, and I’ve completely lost a box of frozen tortellini. 

Also: Just said in a room empty except for one cat and our dog - “I think I have to just let this go.”

I was talking about the cat scratching a chair and my inability to lift her off and her refusal to learn English instructions and my ineffectual hand movements, but say it with me anyway:

I think I just have to let this go. ✨
Reporting to you live from my bed where I have fou Reporting to you live from my bed where I have found the proper way to lie to support your back. Either you put two pillows under your feet, or you put your feet flat and your knees up.

(Hold for applause)

Update: I accidentally ordered groceries today to be delivered when no one else was here. 

But then my son magically arrived home 5 minutes before groceries. My friend dropped him off but he *didn’t have a key with him.* 

It took me like 8 minutes to get to the door and when I opened it I was SO disheveled that one pant leg was scrunched up to my knee. 

My friend had sweetly waited until someone opened the door, so I just waved with my total bedhead and no bra and slippers.

Kids these days - leaving home without a key! It’s like my son was never an 80s latchkey kid!!

Am I the only one who starting at age 5 had a house key attached to the inside of her backpack with a giant old diaper pin? 

y/n?

#80skid
#diaperpin
#knees
#disheveled
I am trying not to be a grump, and as @samlamott s I am trying not to be a grump, and as @samlamott says, probably everything is not completely effed and doomed.

I actually just got off a telehealth appointment with my naturopath and my cough pillow (with heating/cooling pad!) just came in the mail.

So today I want to share some truly awful photos of some truly wonderful, thoughtful gifts.

First, we have the lavender-scented meerkat that my sister sent me. You put him in the microwave and he doesn’t scream. My family made jokes about that when I was on serious pain killers and I started crying so they stopped.
 
Next we have soup that @my_little_poppies paid for because I was really dopey and over hungry and confused. It was the best soup ever because someone just brought it to me and I didn’t even have to talk to them - no offense Doordash.

My mom sent me a wearable blanket that she saw on Shark Tank. It’s not flattering, but it’s the softest. Also, yes, I had minor face surgery (also benign!) before I had my big surgery because God is trying to teach me something. I think it’s about letting go. I’ll keep you updated.

Then we have this hand-crocheted banner from @gracehannahpitts - who is the most creative crocheting person I’ve never met. I have met her wonderful mama @scottandcarla though - and she sent me the most wonderful care package. 🥰 It was full of the exact healing goodies I needed, cat socks & windchimes.

The banner cats are basically exact replicas of (L-R) George, Maia and Astrid. 

Finally - plants. We had to put them outside because the cats (real, not crochet) could not leave them alone.

But the weather is nice and I’m grateful for that too.

If you are still up for prayers and/or well wishes, please join me in hoping that my homeopathics arrive sooner rather than later. I don’t know 100% how I feel about sweet little plastic pebble pill magic but I ain’t mad at the idea.

I adore you all and so many of you have been so kind and generous. I will try to take more horrible photos soon to display some of your many kindnesses. 😍 

P.S. link to not screaming microwave meerkat: https://amzn.to/39tTrAi

You do so need one. 

Link in profile at @karastephensonanderson 😘
Feeling feelings. Might delete later. ⁣ ⁣ My Feeling feelings. Might delete later. ⁣
 ⁣
My fish Gus died last night.⁣
⁣
And I fell the shit apart. ⁣
⁣
Bad. ⁣
⁣
I shouted. I threw something. ⁣
⁣
I’m ashamed, but I also know that the kind of deep anger I felt comes from something else - in this case, hurt.⁣
⁣
My husband, trying to help, toxically overfed Gus like a factory-farmed turkey. There was uneaten food *everywhere* in his tank. His filter was clogged.
⁣
It looked like a bowl of soup with a dying fish in it.⁣
⁣
I way overdid trying to save him and now everything hurts - mostly my heart because I should have checked on him sooner but my office is very, very far away from my bed.⁣
⁣
I’m not ok. ⁣
⁣
I’m not ok with the pain or the fear or the nurses who sent me home too soon and having to be rushed back to the ER in so much pain I couldn’t sit or lie down without screaming.⁣
⁣
But mostly I’m not ok because this is why I have such insane anxiety, I think. Because my brain is trying to protect everyone/ everything all the damn time. ⁣

That means I can never stop. 
⁣
I got really sick last year and haven’t been fully functional since Christmas Eve when I started getting iron infusions.⁣
⁣
And yet I’ve tried to hold on. I’ve tried to be the emotional support beam for a family and now I’m effing crumbling.⁣
⁣
I’m upset about a fish, but not just about a fish.⁣
⁣
This is about the roles we take on because we think we have to, and the ways our bodies hold on to trauma and fear. ⁣
⁣
It’s about mental health being real.⁣
⁣
It’s about doctors treating symptoms and not people.⁣
⁣
It’s about having to wait to hear if you have cancer and then hearing no and thinking, good - it’s over. 

But it’s not.⁣ (I know I’m lucky.)
⁣
It’s about a fish who died because we can’t do it all, and sometimes you’re flat on your back - overwhelmed by pain and fear and anger, and you still think you need to try. 

A few people have asked me if I’m scared this all will happen again. 

My answer: Yeah. But right now it’s still happening.
Hi friends! ⁣ ⁣ An update: Two weeks ago I wen Hi friends! ⁣
⁣
An update: Two weeks ago I went to the emergency room with severe abdominal pain. ⁣
⁣
An ultrasound found that I had a cyst in my abdomen the size of a baseball, and they told me they were going to do emergency surgery at 11 p.m.⁣
⁣
But then my doc called and we discussed my situation, which included some other details that I don’t want to go into here right now (more on that later.)⁣
⁣
She wanted to wait until everything could get fixed at once. So they sent me home with pain meds and scheduled my surgery for ASAP.⁣
⁣
Sadly, I learned that I’m allergic to a lot of pain meds, and had multiple reactions and ended up in the ER three times 😬⁣
⁣
My surgery was also more complex than they thought - it took 3 extra hours. I was what they call in the gynecology game, “a hot mess.”⁣
⁣
Still, I came out of surgery ok (because of an amazing nurse in Recovery named Dami) as you can see in this photo, but things changed pretty quickly when all my post-op meds wore off.⁣
⁣
I’ve been struggling with off the charts anxiety and panic ever since and I am so lucky to have a counselor who takes weekend calls, a doc who takes her own calls, and an anxiety doc who has helped me feel more balanced.⁣
⁣
I mentioned I don’t want to go into specifics about what was removed, fixed, etc. because I am guarding my mental health right now, and hearing stuff like, “what if x happens” or stories where things didn’t turn out well is too much for me.⁣
⁣
I’m scared to even post, but I didn’t want to wait any more to say how grateful I am for all of your support. ⁣
⁣
@my_little_poppies and @differentbydesignlearning have helped me so much through this and set up a meal train and go fund me. So many of you donated and I wanted to let you know how incredibly grateful I am.⁣
⁣
I found out yesterday that all the problems are out and all was benign. I feel so lucky, and so grateful for all of you for your well wishes, prayers, support and encouragement. ⁣
⁣
Thank you. 💕⁣
⁣
Love, Kara⁣
⁣
P.S. I’m home now and George is taking good care of me 🐈 🧡⁣
⁣
Maia is so excited! We’re finally able to get to Maia is so excited! We’re finally able to get to library books again!⁣
⁣
We picked up 3 bags full of books this weekend. Total Bah-Bah-black Sheep situation.⁣
⁣
These were the stand-outs! They range from early readers to picture books for older kids. 📚⁣
⁣
Four we really appreciated here: ⁣
⁣
💚 Poetree by Shauna LaVoy Reynolds, illustrated by Shahrzad Maydani⁣
⁣
💚 Shh! We Have a Plan by Chris Haughton⁣
⁣
💚 If you have older kids, Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer, Spirit of the Civil Rights Movement by Carole Boston Weatherford, illustrated by Ekua Holmes *⁣
⁣
*please preview this book for your family and note the language on p. 21⁣
⁣
💚 Out of Wonder: Poems Celebrating Poets by Kwame Alexander, et al., illustrated by Ekua Holmes⁣
⁣
Are you able to get library books? Any stand-outs you’ve come across lately?
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