On our bookshelf Archives - Kara S. Anderson

How I know that you’re enough, homeschool mom

by Kara S. Anderson 5 Comments

I can still remember the day that I quit homeschooling.

I was on our cordless phone (this is an old story), pacing in my dining room. I was talking to the woman at the nice Montessori-esque school, and she was walking me through how to enroll my son to start in January.

And I’m going to tell you, in that minute, it didn’t feel like giving up. It felt like such relief. It felt like getting good news from the doctor.

If we’d had any extra money then, I might have celebrated.

Because I had tried homeschooling for an entire semester, and I couldn’t hack it. But in a few weeks, all the responsibility wouldn’t be on me anymore.

Hi there, Doubt

Our homeschool story doesn’t end there, of course.

My son attended the Montessori school for 5 months, and it was great, but the next year, they wanted to move him into the 6-9 year-old classroom because he was an early reader. We were sent home that summer with instructions to work on handwriting every day.

In turned out that trying to force a kid whose fine motor skills were not ready for handwriting to practice handwriting EVERY DAY was a fairly miserable way to spend a summer, so we gave that up pretty quickly, and in the fall, I registered him for Kindergarten, but then panicked and decided to try homeschooling again.

Now we’ve been at it for almost 12 years, and we love homeschooling, but let me tell you, I have dealt with some doubt.

What’s interesting is that I haven’t doubted my kids.

But I’ve doubted myself A LOT.

When a particular homeschool method didn’t work 100 percent in our home, I blamed myself.

When a certain curriculum wouldn’t work for my kids, I figured I was doing it wrong.

Maybe I wished for a minute that my kids weren’t so wiggly? Or that they didn’t dislike timed tests quite so much?

But again, I saw that as my own failing. Better moms would be better at getting their kids to sit still. They would be better at instilling perseverance!

For so long doubt was my companion in our homeschooling journey.

What changed?

So what’s changed?

I think things began to shift when I started writing to you.

Of course it helps that I’m actually seeing my children succeeding. At 13 and 16, neither of them have become bank robbers or Mob bosses.

But what really changed things for me was writing here – sharing our struggles and wins, and all the bumps and U-turns.

Because homeschooling is anything but a straight and simple path – but that’s kind of a benefit, isn’t it? We get to chart our own course.

Like Magellan.

Or Oprah.

Of course, any time we do something different from the norm, it’s a little scary. So doubt still creeps in for me.

It’s just that now, I know I’m enough.

And I know you are too.

I know because I feel my intense, overwhelming love for my kids, and through talking to all of you, I’ve learned you have that too.

In fact, for so many of us, it’s that intense love for our quirky kids that led us to homeschooling in the first place. It’s that love that keeps us going, even when we hit rocky patches – days, weeks, even months.

But I believe in us and our love for our kids – so much that I wrote a whole book about it.

It’s called More Than Enough: Grow Your Confidence, Banish Burn-Out and Love Your Homeschool Life.

It’s for all of us who feel scared and overwhelmed sometimes. It’s definitely for all of us who doubt ourselves – for those of us who wonder if our family is cut out for this.

(Can I tell you a secret? The very fact that you worry means that yes – you are equipped to homeschool. Because that worry is just our intense love peeking out.)

I truly believe that you are enough, your family is enough, and your love for your kids is more than enough to homeschool well.

So if you need that reminder right now, I hope you’ll check out my book, available here.

I KNOW that you love your kids endlessly – so how could you possibly fail?

Books to see us through

by Kara S. Anderson 41 Comments

I remember when I got the email from the library that they were closing due to the pandemic.

That was when I knew I was in trouble.

I could figure out how to find toilet paper. I could make do with weird food.

But without books – that’s when stuff got real.

I immediately looked at our budget and decided any free penny would go to books. Even some not-so-free pennies.

I bought used when I could. But I also put books in my Amazon cart because books help me stay balanced.

My Mama Morning Basket

I also reinstated my morning basket.

I first created a mama morning basket several years ago – it was just based off of the homeschool morning basket idea of collecting nourishing resources in one place. But instead of books to read with the kids, I filled this basket full of books and resources for me.

Now before I get any further, I want to say that my kids are 13 and 16. I have time. Especially since the pandemic, my kids basically sleep like hamsters. So if you are a mama to young ones reading this, saying, “I wish I had time to tinkle alone, let alone read for the simple joy of it,” I get it.

I remember those days and all I can say is that they went by in a blink, although at the time each day felt like it was about 6 weeks long.

I don’t really have a format for my morning basket but it always contains a good non-fiction book, some poetry, my Bible and other faith resources, journals, pens and book darts.

I also don’t always go through everything every day. Some days, I spend most of my mama morning time listening to a meditation or audio book and barely touch it at all.

But it’s there when I need it.

My Mama World War II books

The other thing that has helped me through this pandemic has been World War II era fiction.

I kept mentioning this in various places – on Instagram, on The Homeschool Sisters Podcast. Even here and here.

But then people would ask me what I had read and I could never remember titles or authors.

So I finally made a list.

I think it will continue to grow, because World War II era fiction is providing a lot of comfort right now. Something about all those heroines, handling crises with dignity, compassion and even humor is very reassuring to me.

My World War II books also help provide a lot of perspective. Although we have dealt with some food shortages, it never got dire. And after reading 84, Charing Cross Road, I became suddenly grateful that a pantyhose shortage will never be an issue for me. 😉

So I’m wondering – have you been reading more since the pandemic? What’s bringing you comfort right now?

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How your personality impacts your homeschool

by Kara S. Anderson 13 Comments

When I was in high school, I decided that I needed to like coffee.

My friends had started liking coffee. A few even worked at coffee shops before Starbucks came to our town, and so they would make me coffee drinks with syrups and whipped cream, and I would try to enjoy them.

But coffee and I have a deep misunderstanding.

I say, “Hey – how about a little wake-up boost?” and coffee says, “Hold on to your flipping hat.”

To really drive the point home, coffee also makes my stomach hurt like I swallowed a handful of forks.

So I resigned myself to be a tea girl.

Still, for years I would think that maybe if I tried hard enough, I could like coffee. I would order a Peppermint Mocha because I saw one on Instagram and it looked so festive and delicious.

I’ve never grocery shopped while high on Angel Dust, but I can only think that a normal person on Angel Dust is me on a tall Peppermint Mocha. #cartrage

So coffee and I are done before we ever got started. It would have been such a good ride, I think, until I jumped out of a 30th story window thinking I could fly …

I’ve just returned from a weekend hanging out with fellow homeschoolers and bloggers, and I can’t tell you how many times the conversation turned to personality types.

We talked Myers-Briggs and The Enneagram, and how knowing your personality type can help you understand everything from relationships, to work, to how you homeschool.

I’m hugely interested in this stuff, and was so relieved last year when I read Mystie’s fascinating piece on personality types and homeschooling.

Finally, I felt like someone understood what I was faced with here at home.

I don’t mean that to sound negative, but I had never seen it spelled out clearly for me before.

And that is when I first thought of the coffee.

So often, I am trying to force things here that work for other people, but make my heart race and my stomach hurt.

Personality is deeply ingrained. We know that. And yet, home educator parents often forget to take their own needs into consideration when thinking about what is going to work.

No matter what our personality, here’s what it comes down to:

If we are the solo parent at home (or caring for) our kids at any given moment, then we are in charge. We set the rhythm or schedule, and we make the rules.

We are the bosses, applesauces.

In theory.

Immediately, as an INFJ, I run into a problem: my personality type is that which means I factor in everyone else’s emotions into every daily decision.

So I might wake up with a plan, but if a child awakes with a sore throat or a rough-night-of-sleep hangover, that plan goes out the window almost instantly.

I used to think that was a failing. Only after learning more about my personality did I learn that it’s just part of who I am, so of course it’s going to be how I parent, and how I home educate.

Still, this is hand’s down my single biggest challenge in homeschooling.

But it’s not everyone’s. If I tell a friend who has a different personality type that another family member’s “rough day,” derails me, she might wonder why I don’t just tell that child to suck it up, and hand them a worksheet.

(I also can’t do worksheets.)

But another mother’s hardest part of her day might be something I would never imagine, like noticing emotional cues in her kids.

(ALL I DO is notice emotional cues in my kids.)

The above describes another type of introverted homeschool mom, according to Mystie’s descriptions – in fact, we’re just one letter off -and yet, we couldn’t be more different.

Growing up teaches us that not all things are for all people – we decide that we are just firmly anti-Brussels sprout, or we are a Democrat or Republican or Libertarian or want all politicians to go back to powdered wigs and horse teeth.

We figure ourselves out, which I think takes about 40 years.

But even once we decide that we will never cut bangs again, or that corn in guacamole is a crime, we are tempted all the time by other people, who seem happy and together.

What we have to remember, though, is that those people are not US.

Some of us naturally need more order, and some of us die inside without creativity.

So here’s what I suggest to you, home educator:

– First, find out a bit about your personality type.

Take a Myers-Briggs or Enneagram test, or anything else that doesn’t ask for a lot of money or sound like a cult, and then study a bit. Learn more about what you need, and what is bound to make you nuts.

And embrace it. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We’re all unique. And it’s OK to make sure that homeschooling works for us as much as it works for our kids.

Remember: Your kids want a happy parent.

– Second, find people who inspire you to be more like yourself.

That doesn’t mean you can’t keep other people in your Instagram feed or follow them on Facebook, it just means that if you are a mom who struggles with projects, don’t fill your feed with only project-based homeschoolers.

AND, when you see another mom doing a project, think to yourself that that’s very nice and keep scrolling.

Note: If you are a sensitive soul, and if you’ve been struggling lately, it might be good to temporarily unfollow some folks. It’s OK, you can bring them back into the fold later when you are feeling more confident.

– Third, find real-life people or opportunities to fill the gaps.

If reading aloud makes you itch and squirm, check out library story times or invite Grandpa over once a week.

If you want your kids to have beautiful birthday cakes that express their personalities, find a baker in your community and let him or her do what they do best.

And then, be grateful for those people. That’s all you need to do.

You don’t need to beat yourself up that you can’t be everything to everyone.

You are not Taco Night.

But you are you, and believe me – it’s enough.

Want to learn more about personality types?

This post contains affiliate links.

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🚧 UNDER CONSTRUCTION 🚧

Hi there, Doubt

What changed?

My Mama Morning Basket

My Mama World War II books

This post contains affiliate links.

So here’s what I suggest to you, home educator:

– First, find out a bit about your personality type.

– Second, find people who inspire you to be more like yourself.

– Third, find real-life people or opportunities to fill the gaps.

Want to learn more about personality types?

This post contains affiliate links.