Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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Launching a kid (graduation. real time.)

by Kara S. Anderson 8 Comments

It turns out, getting into college isn’t actually the hard part.

I mean it is. Sure. There are visits and applications, and I guess like 18 years of helping your child turn into a college-ready person, but now that my oldest has been accepted to college, I’m learning that the hoop-jumping only increases as we get closer to August.

Part of me wants to go back to that day in February, the day before his 18th birthday, as we all stood around his phone at 4 p.m., waiting for the email telling us whether he got into his college of choice, and then the joyous relief.

It’s weird how memories work, because in truth, that day was mostly terrible.

I spent the morning crying in my office, certain that if he didn’t get into his top choice school that it was my fault; that I had somehow failed him through homeschooling.

***

And now I find myself here again, wanting to help, but not wanting to push – wanting so much to set him up for success as he prepares to leave home.

Wanting.

And yet, sometimes, for a moment, I am able to take a step back and realize this isn’t about me. This isn’t my journey.

I’m the Dumbledore in this story, not the Harry.

***

This is hard of course, so I am coping in my usual ways – tea and Voxer – sending out messages and pleas and saying things that build up until I’m ready to burst (Instant Pot Emotions).

My friend Vanessa reminded me that maybe it’s OK to help, because teen brains are still forming, but not help too much, because my own peri-menopausal brain struggles some days to keep up with the very basics.

How many times can one wash her hands and note we are low on hand soap, and still not be able to remember to order hand soap?

(3 times so far today)

My friend Mary reminded me that all kids are different, and to just focus on what my child needs and that sadly, there is no one checklist that is going to fit every kid in every situation.

And then my friend Shawna, who is a year ahead of me in all of this, provides reassurance that I am not alone and that it will get better:

“It was nerve-wracking and dumb for six months, but it worked out.”

This is my new morning mantra.

***

And that’s what I’m holding on to right now, that if my child really wants to go to this college (and if it’s meant to work out), that I can relax a little; stop making lists and tugging at my hair and thinking that there’s some magical way out there to make all of this easier.

Even the box my son’s graduation party invites came in reminds me: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Thanks Canva.

But also, SHUT UP.

***

Because let me tell you what no stressed mother needs ever: trite little sayings.

What I 100 percent do not need right now is some Hobby Lobby plaque telling me to Live, Laugh and Hug a Terrier to get through this.

What I do need is for it to just be done – in the rearview mirror – over.

Complete.

(Right?)

***

 

Until we get there I’m trying to remember:

This isn’t forever.

It’s an ass-kicker, but it’s not eternal.

At some point, he will either get all ready for college or not, and the difference will not come down to whether or not I worry hard enough.

It’s a high emotion time.

I’m so jacked on adrenaline, I could lift a car.

I am basically The Hulk with a bullet journal.

This is hard, yes, but it feels SO HARD because it’s such an emotional thing.

It’s OK to care so much.

All the feelings are me loving my kid.

So it’s not bad that I worry, and it’s not bad that sometimes I want to take over too much, and it’s normal to be a little bit of a lunatic right now.

BUT …

Ultimately, this is his.

It’s a tricky thing when your kids become adults, because you’ve know them pretty much the whole time (or at least a lot of the time).

You know exactly who they used to be, and all the weird things they did when they were 4, but you’ve only gotten glimpses of who they’re becoming.

You can see exactly where they might struggle, and so it’s really tempting to jump in, and yet maybe your therapist also tells you to “Stop trying to fix it all, Kara.”

***

I was doing a journaling class this weekend and the teacher asked a broad question: Knowing that everything turns out beautifully in the end, what would you change today?

I immediately knew my answer.

I would stop acting like a nut about this college thing.

I wold stop acting like this was all so hard, such a trial.

I would do everything I could to enjoy these days with my son before things change.

***

Sometimes, when I get quiet, and my brain stops spinning for just a few seconds, I wonder if that’s part of the hard too – I wonder if making lists and marking deadlines on the calendar is easier than feeling the big emotions.

I wonder if my brain is tricking me – sending stress hormones flying so I don’t have to slow down and feel the huge shift happening.

I heard author Katrina Kenison say that once our kids leave for college, it’s never the same.

She said it wistfully – sadly. You could tell it hurt her heart.

I heard this on the same day that my son was accepted to college. The same day I had cried – so scared that he wouldn’t be accepted. So scared I had failed him.

We had celebrated, and a few hours later I heard Katrina say “it’s never the same,” and I felt such a mix of emotions, but still the big one was relief.

Silly me.

I thought we had done something, and here we had actually started something.

***

As I was writing this, my son texted me to tell me he had found a piano on campus (he’s in early enrollment classes at our local college) and was playing for the first time in years.

It made me recall this post, and specifically what he told me then:

“Mom? I feel like I was born with music in my heart and every time someone pushes me, the space for it gets smaller and smaller.”

***

It’s all a good reminder that so often, our kids don’t need us to push.

They just need us to see them – to be there as they grow into who they are meant to be.

But friends, this is not the easy way.

In fact I will tell you that if you want a quick, simple method for raising your kids, you should pretty much do the exact opposite of me.

Stop listening.

Bark orders.

Keep ’em in line and put them in onesies that proclaim their futures before they can hold up their own heads: “Lil Linebacker” and “Baby Beauty Queen.”

***

But all that always felt desperately wrong to me, and so I tried this other thing …

It’s a killer. It breaks my heart. I worry sometimes that I’m getting it wrong.

I worry right now.

I worry and I want.

***

 

A few weeks ago, my son started growing a bonsai tree because of course he did.

Bonsais start differently than I expected – when they sprout, it’s not in the way you’d think – these thin little green tendrils – so fragile.

I can’t help it. I want to care for this little plant. I want to protect it from curious cats and follow the directions step by step to ensure it thrives.

But …

It’s not my plant.

If I were to take over – even if I just tell my son what to do and still let him do it – it’s no longer his plant.

A bonsai tree can live to be more than 100 years old.

So you can see what I’m getting at here.

At some point, we have to let go.

***

I swear to you, he just texted again wondering about getting a degree in neuroscience.

He’s got a roommate. He’s figured out his meal plan.

He knows which dorm he wants to live in and why.

He’s thinking about majors. He’s doing the work.

I am support staff.

Dumbledore.

Here. Always.

But also, staying here.

He’s not a fragile little bonsai sprout. The past 18 years weren’t nothing.

He strong and ready and I’m …

I’m getting there.

 

This post contains affiliate links.

The More Than Enough Audiobook is LIVE! (and even more fun news!)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

You guys!

Yesterday was kind of the best day …

Because yesterday, The More Than Enough audiobook, which is officially out now, hit No. 1 in homeschooling new releases on Audible!

It also hit No. 1 in new Motherhood books on audio!

And No. 3 in ALL Motherhood books.

I could barely breath most of the day, and I am just so grateful.

Honestly, this has been so encouraging for me. It’s incredibly reassuring in a process that is definitely scary and at times overwhelming.

So I wanted to share a little peek behind the scenes for a minute …

That Cover Art

First you may notice that the cover art looks different than the paperback and Kindle versions of More Than Enough.

Some of you may remember this cover – it was the original book cover, but then we had to go with something else for the paperback and Kindle versions.

I love that cover too, but I’m glad to get to return to this original cover for the audio version. Isn’t it cozy?

Wait – you wrote a book?

Yes – in case you are as newer friend here, yes! I have a book. It’s called More Than Enough, because I honestly believe that we have everything it takes (more than enough) to homeschool our kids well.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that we never worry – but I actually have become pretty convinced during the past 13 years of homeschooling that worry just means that we are invested – so invested, that we really can not fail.

To learn more about my book and how to get it, you can head here.

You can also grab a free chapter …

OR

Listen to a free chapter!

And finally, you can grab these free bookmarks that will remind you that you and your family and for love for one another are really what counts in this journey together.

A huge favor

Thank you so much to each of you who has purchased my book, or now the audiobook. I am so grateful for the support, and I promise, more fun is coming soon.

I do have a quick favor to ask!

If you have read my book and have a moment, please leave an honest review here. Reviews help SO MUCH. It also helps to tell you pals!

And if you listen to the audiobook, I would love if you left a review here.

Thank you again for all of your continue support!

Much love,

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.

How I know that you’re enough, homeschool mom

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

I can still remember the day that I quit homeschooling.

I was on our cordless phone (this is an old story), pacing in my dining room. I was talking to the woman at the nice Montessori-esque school, and she was walking me through how to enroll my son to start in January.

And I’m going to tell you, in that minute, it didn’t feel like giving up. It felt like such relief. It felt like getting good news from the doctor.

If we’d had any extra money then, I might have celebrated.

Because I had tried homeschooling for an entire semester, and I couldn’t hack it. But in a few weeks, all the responsibility wouldn’t be on me anymore.

Hi there, Doubt

Our homeschool story doesn’t end there, of course.

My son attended the Montessori school for 5 months, and it was great, but the next year, they wanted to move him into the 6-9 year-old classroom because he was an early reader. We were sent home that summer with instructions to work on handwriting every day.

In turned out that trying to force a kid whose fine motor skills were not ready for handwriting to practice handwriting EVERY DAY was a fairly miserable way to spend a summer, so we gave that up pretty quickly, and in the fall, I registered him for Kindergarten, but then panicked and decided to try homeschooling again.

Now we’ve been at it for almost 12 years, and we love homeschooling, but let me tell you, I have dealt with some doubt.

What’s interesting is that I haven’t doubted my kids.

But I’ve doubted myself A LOT.

When a particular homeschool method didn’t work 100 percent in our home, I blamed myself.

When a certain curriculum wouldn’t work for my kids, I figured I was doing it wrong.

Maybe I wished for a minute that my kids weren’t so wiggly? Or that they didn’t dislike timed tests quite so much?

But again, I saw that as my own failing. Better moms would be better at getting their kids to sit still. They would be better at instilling perseverance!

For so long doubt was my companion in our homeschooling journey.

 

What changed?

So what’s changed?

I think things began to shift when I started writing to you.

Of course it helps that I’m actually seeing my children succeeding. At 13 and 16, neither of them have become bank robbers or Mob bosses.

But what really changed things for me was writing here – sharing our struggles and wins, and all the bumps and U-turns.

Because homeschooling is anything but a straight and simple path – but that’s kind of a benefit, isn’t it? We get to chart our own course.

Like Magellan.

Or Oprah.

Of course, any time we do something different from the norm, it’s a little scary. So doubt still creeps in for me.

It’s just that now, I know I’m enough.

And I know you are too.

I know because I feel my intense, overwhelming love for my kids, and through talking to all of you, I’ve learned you have that too.

In fact, for so many of us, it’s that intense love for our quirky kids that led us to homeschooling in the first place. It’s that love that keeps us going, even when we hit rocky patches – days, weeks, even months.

But I believe in us and our love for our kids – so much that I wrote a whole book about it.

It’s called More Than Enough: Grow Your Confidence, Banish Burn-Out and Love Your Homeschool Life.

It’s for all of us who feel scared and overwhelmed sometimes. It’s definitely for all of us who doubt ourselves – for those of us who wonder if our family is cut out for this.

(Can I tell you a secret? The very fact that you worry means that yes – you are equipped to homeschool. Because that worry is just our intense love peeking out.)

I truly believe that you are enough, your family is enough, and your love for your kids is more than enough to homeschool well.

So if you need that reminder right now, I hope you’ll check out my book, available here.

I KNOW that you love your kids endlessly – so how could you possibly fail?

Books to see us through

by Kara S. Anderson 10 Comments

I remember when I got the email from the library that they were closing due to the pandemic.

That was when I knew I was in trouble.

I could figure out how to find toilet paper. I could make do with weird food.

But without books – that’s when stuff got real.

I immediately looked at our budget and decided any free penny would go to books. Even some not-so-free pennies.

I bought used when I could. But I also put books in my Amazon cart because books help me stay balanced.

My Mama Morning Basket

I also reinstated my morning basket.

I first created a mama morning basket several years ago – it was just based off of the homeschool morning basket idea of collecting nourishing resources in one place. But instead of books to read with the kids, I filled this basket full of books and resources for me.

Now before I get any further, I want to say that my kids are 13 and 16. I have time. Especially since the pandemic, my kids basically sleep like hamsters. So if you are a mama to young ones reading this, saying, “I wish I had time to tinkle alone, let alone read for the simple joy of it,” I get it.

I remember those days and all I can say is that they went by in a blink, although at the time each day felt like it was about 6 weeks long.

I don’t really have a format for my morning basket but it always contains a good non-fiction book, some poetry, my Bible and other faith resources, journals, pens and book darts.

I also don’t always go through everything every day. Some days, I spend most of my mama morning time listening to a meditation or audio book and barely touch it at all.

But it’s there when I need it.

My Mama World War II books

The other thing that has helped me through this pandemic has been World War II era fiction.

I kept mentioning this in various places – on Instagram, on The Homeschool Sisters Podcast. Even here and here.

But then people would ask me what I had read and I could never remember titles or authors.

So I finally made a list.

I think it will continue to grow, because World War II era fiction is providing a lot of comfort right now. Something about all those heroines, handling crises with dignity, compassion and even humor is very reassuring to me.

My World War II books also help provide a lot of perspective. Although we have dealt with some food shortages, it never got dire. And after reading 84, Charing Cross Road, I became suddenly grateful that a pantyhose shortage will never be an issue for me. 😉

So I’m wondering – have you been reading more since the pandemic? What’s bringing you comfort right now? 

This post contains affiliate links.

 

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Hey there!

I’m Kara – writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with the overdue books.

 

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karastephensonanderson

kara s anderson
Hi. I finally wrote a thing about transcripts fo Hi. 

I finally wrote a thing about transcripts for when you are unschooly.

This is just based on my experience with one kid, but I’m happy to try to answer any questions.

But two important things: first, our homeschooling here has been messy/successful - succmessful 💙

It’s worked for us. But it isn’t fancy, and so this transcript style isn’t either.

Second, for the love, remember - if you’ve been hanging out for me for any amount of time, the most important thing is our relationship with our kids.

So keep college in its place.

It’s not a contest. What you really want (I bet) is a place your kid will thrive without having to morph into some Bret Easton Ellis character, right?
 
Too far? 😉 

Post: karasanderson.com/transcripts/
Before. And after 🥰🥰 And a lil grid with h Before.

And after 🥰🥰

And a lil grid with headbands from our dear Jen - @thequirkydaisy 💜

(I ended up being able to donate 14 inches. Thank you for the advice about where to donate!)

P.S. Yes, @vanessanwright is also wearing our twin sweater today. 😂💟
OK. That was fun. Everything feels so different t OK. That was fun.

Everything feels so different than it did just 24 hours ago - in the best way. 🎓

I think we needed to do a thing. 🤷‍♀️ I think we needed a stop-point. 

Anyway, it was good, and I’m grateful and man, I love this kid. 💙🧡

P.S. Very glad I bought sparkly hats and a themed teddy bear.

I don’t know much about party planning, but these were wise investments, I think.
Hi. I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son Hi.

I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son’s graduation party and I’m not even close to fine, like … I find myself just sort of stuck here again, unable to do normal things like eat the salad I just made.

I was talking to my friend Jenn about this launching kids thing, and she said to be OK with both parts - to feel both parts.

The two parts are that yes, I am happy for my son and excited and this is true. This isn’t me trying to be happy. It’s real.

But also, I feel like I’m in a slow motion “emotional plane crash” - Jenn’s words.

She said I need to feel both, and *show* both - let both out - and that’s been the problem, I think.

I’m afraid to show the sad part. The scared part.

I’m afraid of those feelings being downplayed or dismissed by people who don’t get the complexity. 

I’m afraid of those things overshadowing the joy.

But then Jenn, without me saying any of that, saw it and got it and I realized maybe it would help to share all this, because maybe another mom will read this and feel seen and understood and know that she’s not alone in the beautiful, heartbreaking both of it all 🤍
I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morn I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morning Sidekick Journal.

A while back, I was talking to someone about needing a schedule, and she said, I think what you really need is to set your priorities each day 🤯

So I bought this journal I’ve been eyeing for a while that helps you create a consistent morning routine.

Then, the last step of my morning routine is to plan out my day in my bullet journal, and star the 3 most important things.

This little journal has already helped so much. I feel so much more focused and that helps me feel less anxious.

I highly, highly recommend this system, especially if like me, you like/ need accountability + have a hard time creating realistic routines and making them stick. 🌟

I’ll put a link in my bio for you! 

P.S. my erasable Frixion Color Stick pens pair perfectly with this. 🌟
I don’t really have anything to say except my fr I don’t really have anything to say except my friend Kym sent me these amazing Wonder Woman cuffs and I’m not taking them off.

I shall sleep in them.

They are so cool that my teens like them.

Also, some people see us.

Today we went to drop off a gift to one of my son’s college professor because she is special. She *gets* him. 

And fun fact: I was in one of her first classes when she started teaching.

Back then, she admits she tried to be tough, but it didn’t work. Caring was better.

Caring is better.

Let the people who care in and love them like crazy. 💙

Signed, 
My 5-year-old self who is still part of me and having the best day of her life.
Hey-o! It’s my birthday, and I always like to c Hey-o!

It’s my birthday, and I always like to celebrate by having a thing over at my site. 🧁💗🥳

➡️

The secret password is MAYSALE22

OK. Love you. Bye!
It turns out, getting into college isn’t actuall It turns out, getting into college isn’t actually the hard part.

I mean it is. Sure. There are visits and applications, and I guess like 18 years of helping your child turn into a college-ready person, but now that my oldest has been accepted to college, I’m learning that the hoop-jumping only increases as we get closer to August.

Part of me wants to go back to that day in February, the day before his 18th birthday, as we all stood around his phone at 4 p.m., waiting for the email telling us whether he got into his college of choice, and then the joyous relief.

It’s weird how memories work, because in truth, that day was mostly terrible.

I spent the morning crying in my office, certain that if he didn’t get into his top choice school that it was my fault; that I had somehow failed him through homeschooling.

***

And now I find myself here again, wanting to help, but not wanting to push – wanting so much to set him up for success as he prepares to leave home.

Wanting.

New post: karasanderson.com/launching 🤍
Getting into a walking routine with @vanessanwrigh Getting into a walking routine with @vanessanwright 💚

#karaandvanessawalk30 

LINKS:
Headbands: @thequirkydaisy 

Sweater @stitchfix ( Cotton Emporium)

Sarah (We LOVE Sarah naps! 💚) @rayzenenergy 

Walking app: @99walks 

Yoga with Adrienne: @adrienelouise 

Leslie Samsone: @walkathome

Ellen Barrett: @ellenbarrettfit 

Podcast: This Morning Walk
@alex @thismorningwalk @parkhere

Love you! Bye!! 💚💚💚
“Last night I made risotto for dinner. I know e “Last night I made risotto for dinner.

I know every step now. It’s autopilot. I zest my lemon and the little yellow curls land right in the cup I used to measure my rice.

That’s how it goes when you’ve done something for so long – you figure out all the short-cuts and ways to keep clean-up at a minimum.

Maybe in a few years, I’ll feel confident enough to tell you that’s what I did with homeschooling my kids – that my method wasn’t about my own grand failings, but instead about finding a way that worked for us – (shortcuts + minimizing emotional clean-up.)

But I’m not there yet.”

New post today about risotto, spring, and the bittersweetness of graduating a kid:

karasanderson.com/risotto 🤍
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