Anxiety Archives - Kara S. Anderson

How I know that you’re enough, homeschool mom

by Kara S. Anderson 5 Comments

I can still remember the day that I quit homeschooling.

I was on our cordless phone (this is an old story), pacing in my dining room. I was talking to the woman at the nice Montessori-esque school, and she was walking me through how to enroll my son to start in January.

And I’m going to tell you, in that minute, it didn’t feel like giving up. It felt like such relief. It felt like getting good news from the doctor.

If we’d had any extra money then, I might have celebrated.

Because I had tried homeschooling for an entire semester, and I couldn’t hack it. But in a few weeks, all the responsibility wouldn’t be on me anymore.

Hi there, Doubt

Our homeschool story doesn’t end there, of course.

My son attended the Montessori school for 5 months, and it was great, but the next year, they wanted to move him into the 6-9 year-old classroom because he was an early reader. We were sent home that summer with instructions to work on handwriting every day.

In turned out that trying to force a kid whose fine motor skills were not ready for handwriting to practice handwriting EVERY DAY was a fairly miserable way to spend a summer, so we gave that up pretty quickly, and in the fall, I registered him for Kindergarten, but then panicked and decided to try homeschooling again.

Now we’ve been at it for almost 12 years, and we love homeschooling, but let me tell you, I have dealt with some doubt.

What’s interesting is that I haven’t doubted my kids.

But I’ve doubted myself A LOT.

When a particular homeschool method didn’t work 100 percent in our home, I blamed myself.

When a certain curriculum wouldn’t work for my kids, I figured I was doing it wrong.

Maybe I wished for a minute that my kids weren’t so wiggly? Or that they didn’t dislike timed tests quite so much?

But again, I saw that as my own failing. Better moms would be better at getting their kids to sit still. They would be better at instilling perseverance!

For so long doubt was my companion in our homeschooling journey.

What changed?

So what’s changed?

I think things began to shift when I started writing to you.

Of course it helps that I’m actually seeing my children succeeding. At 13 and 16, neither of them have become bank robbers or Mob bosses.

But what really changed things for me was writing here – sharing our struggles and wins, and all the bumps and U-turns.

Because homeschooling is anything but a straight and simple path – but that’s kind of a benefit, isn’t it? We get to chart our own course.

Like Magellan.

Or Oprah.

Of course, any time we do something different from the norm, it’s a little scary. So doubt still creeps in for me.

It’s just that now, I know I’m enough.

And I know you are too.

I know because I feel my intense, overwhelming love for my kids, and through talking to all of you, I’ve learned you have that too.

In fact, for so many of us, it’s that intense love for our quirky kids that led us to homeschooling in the first place. It’s that love that keeps us going, even when we hit rocky patches – days, weeks, even months.

But I believe in us and our love for our kids – so much that I wrote a whole book about it.

It’s called More Than Enough: Grow Your Confidence, Banish Burn-Out and Love Your Homeschool Life.

It’s for all of us who feel scared and overwhelmed sometimes. It’s definitely for all of us who doubt ourselves – for those of us who wonder if our family is cut out for this.

(Can I tell you a secret? The very fact that you worry means that yes – you are equipped to homeschool. Because that worry is just our intense love peeking out.)

I truly believe that you are enough, your family is enough, and your love for your kids is more than enough to homeschool well.

So if you need that reminder right now, I hope you’ll check out my book, available here.

I KNOW that you love your kids endlessly – so how could you possibly fail?

Creating a basic daily checklist (FREE printable)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

Last week, I was feeling overwhelmed.

This is nothing new.

I am often overwhelmed.

But lately, I’ve been feeling particularly nervous. I have anxiety, and when it comes to fight/flight or freeze, I’m a popsicle.

Some days, just making a full daily plan is too much.

(Other times, it’s what saves me.)

Prioritizing self-care

My therapist has recommended focusing on self-care, but How? When?

So I decided to create a checklist.

The first version was like 62 things long.

I want to tell you – a daily checklist with too many things on it is pointless, especially when you’re anxious. We must practice some Essentialism here.

So I created a bare-bones, simple list.

And then I decided I’d share it, in case you feel overwhelmed right now too.

Something I want to point out – this list has stars on it. There’s a reason for that.

I want you to remember that you are already doing a lot. You’re already getting a lot right. If you got a star for each time you found the blue sippy cup, or smiled at your kids, or remembered to order something your family needs, you would be sparkling like the sun.

So please don’t put more pressure on yourself with this list.

But if you are going days at a time forgetting basics like drinking water and taking your vitamins, I hope this will help.

Here is my list for now:

Hanging On

A LOT of us are hanging on by a thread.

We are homeschooling and parenting. Many of us are caring for parents or other loved ones, dealing with mental health issues, trying to help kids navigate huge feelings and otherwise just trying to do our best.

My hope with this free printable is that it will give you structure and get things out of your head.

Grab your free printable here.

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.

Favorite tools for managing my anxiety

by Kara S. Anderson 16 Comments

On Thursday, I woke up with dread.

But I didn’t feel anxious. I felt down. I didn’t really want to get out of bed.

So I did all my first-step things for when I have a rocky morning.

I got up and made tea. I started my diffuser with some oils for encouragement – peppermint and orange.

I lit a beeswax candle. I turned on my decorative lights.

I did a morning meditation to reset.

And it all helped.

Until it didn’t.

Unfortunately my anxiety started creeping up on me.

The thing with true anxiety is that it doesn’t need a reason. It can pop up out of nowhere, because it’s not situational. And it’s kind of a jerk.

Thriving with anxiety

A long time ago, I decided that I am not going to be ashamed of my anxiety.

And I’m also not going to let it hold me back.

But, I want to clarify that. I don’t want it to hold me back big picture. The very nature of anxiety means that there will be times when I need to put my mental health first.

But overall, I don’t want it to keep me from living an awesome, fulfilling life, and showing up for my people most of the time.

The skinny on anxiety medication

So today, I want to share some of the things that help me manage my anxiety.

Full disclosure: One of those things right now is medication.

In fact, I want to dive deeper about that because I get a lot of questions about medication.

First, I resisted medication for a very long time.

Looking back, I can remember having anxiety symptoms and panic as young as age 6. But I was 36 before I started taking medication. And it changed my life.

But then that medication stopped working. And other medications weren’t working at all. And my general practitioner ran out of ideas.

So I went to a psychiatrist’s office and it was scary and odd and so disconcerting that I felt lost and abandoned. My general practitioner was saying I needed a specialist, but the specialist was downright creepy. What now?

So eventually I went back to my general practitioner, and she referred me to a different office. It took months to get in. But when I did, I met with a new doctor who has not only helped me with my medication – I am able to check in with her every 6 to 8 weeks to make sure the medication is working.

So my advice (and please know that nothing in this post is meant to replace medical advice – I am simply sharing my own experience) is to keep fighting to get the help you deserve. It might not be easy, but it’s very worth it and so are you.

You need tools

One of my favorite tools for managing my anxiety is therapy.

For years I had an incredible therapist.

Of course, she retired. And she’s entitled to retiring. I just don’t see why she couldn’t keep going for another 74 years. (Kidding.)

Finding a therapist can be really hard. And finding one covered by your insurance can be extra tricky.

So my only advice on this is to keep looking, and keep interviewing. Don’t settle. There are tons of therapists out there.

I’m lucky to have finally found a new one I love, and one of the things she talks about a lot is tools.

Tools are basically things we can use to help our anxiety. It doesn’t mean you don’t have anxiety or that you don’t have bad days. But when the bad days strike – we aren’t just standing there waiting for it to end. We have some comfort measures.

It’s like when you have a cold. Orange juice and chicken soup may not CURE the cold, but they sure can help you feel a little better.

What helps me

Several things help me every day – other things help when my anxiety ramps up.

Let’s talk about the everyday stuff first:

Mediation

In his book 10 Percent Happier, Dan Harris shares perfectly how meditation helps him. He says it makes him about 10 percent happier. It also calms his mind, and helps him deal with the stress of a very public career.

I love this book because it’s written for skeptics.

This is the book to read if mediation makes you think of incense, crystals and chanting, and that makes you want to run and hide. 😉

My favorite meditation resources are Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer.

Prayer

I’m not going to go too deep into this one, but if you have a spiritual tradition, you probably know the comfort it can bring.

If you don’t, no judgement. Spirituality and religion are complex for many of us.

Journaling/Writing

Keeping a journal can be helpful for so many reasons. It can be a place to put the swirling thoughts and for a lot of us, we can’t articulate exactly what we’re feeling until we write it out.

I also love brain dumps! (But I hate the term). Basically brain dumps are writing out the swirling feelings, and just getting them on paper and out of your brain. I find them so helpful for letting go.

I keep a bullet journal and it helps a lot.

I think it also helps a lot of us with anxiety to know that things like appointments, etc. are written down or at least saved somewhere.

Movement

Last year, I tried CrossFit. I wanted to love it, but it just didn’t work for me.

I was extra sad because a few pals have told me how it helps their anxiety and depression.

But I wasn’t getting those results.

You know what works for me?

Two things: gentle movement, like yoga or walking, and lifting weights. I KNOW. The weights thing is weird. But it literally gives me all the endorphins!

So maybe experiment with this a bit.

Diet

All I want in life is to be able to eat like a Gilmore Girl. But I can’t.

I have to be careful. Not too careful, because cutting out food groups and having to maintain a super strict diet creates more stress for me.

But in general, I have to be a little careful about how I eat.

I can’t do too much caffeine or sugar or I get terrible blood sugar crashes that mix with anxiety to create a really nasty situation.

I also always have healthy snacks with me. You know. Like I’m a toddler. 😉

Essential oils

I love essential oils for support.

I love learning about them, and using them in my home.

Oils like lavender, basil, rosemary, and frankincense are very grounding to me, while oils like peppermint, orange and lemon help brighten my mood.

But, oils are just support to me, and I think it’s really important to know that many of us can not just use oils in order to manage our anxiety and depression. I like to say that no one has ever told my diabetic husband to just put oils on his pancreas.

Supplements

I find magnesium really helps my anxiety on a daily basis – especially these.

Keeping up my Vitamin D and Vitamin B levels is also helpful for me. But be sure to check with your doctor about any supplements.

More Magnesium

I tend to keep a lot of my stress in my muscles. So epsom salt baths help a lot. I love these two kinds: Lavender and Rosemary-Mint.

I love all the magnesium.

ALL the MAGNESIUM! 🙂

I also have a neck wrap similar to this one that I love.

Charting

I think it can be really helpful to keep a note of when anxiety is high in a notebook or calendar. About a month ago, I had a stretch of very bad days and it scared me.

My first thoughts were, is my medication not working? Is this my new normal?

But it passed.

Being able to see that things can get really bad but then good again is incredibly helpful to me.

Support for the bad days

Finally, I’d like to talk about the really bad days.

On those days, I need more support and more tools. Here’s what helps:

Breathing

There are lots of breathing techniques that can help when anxiety starts creeping in.

A simple technique is box breathing:

Weighted blanket

This has been a game-changer for me. It helps with my anxiety and my sleep.

When I feel especially panicked, the weight helps me tremendously.

Also, after YEARS of insomnia, I now sleep through the night.

I have this one.

Telling someone

Sometimes it helps to just tell someone I trust.

It helps to say, “I’m having a bad anxiety day.”

I think it helps me lower my expectations for myself to voice it.

Like, “Yup. This is happening. It’s OK, but I need to give this some time.”

Getting help organizing my thoughts

When my anxiety is at its worst, I feel very scattered. Even simple things seem overwhelming, and I can’t organize my day at all.

Sometimes I will call my husband and he’ll help walk me through things.

Making a list also helps a lot.

Sometimes I’ll even tell friends via Voxer.

Having an outside perspective can be so helpful. Friends and family can help you see what’s actually important, and what can wait. They can also offer support to take it easy on yourself on the hard days.

Blocking out noise

Sometimes lots of stimulation makes my anxiety worse.

I’ve been know to go lie down with an eye mask for a few minutes to reset.

It also helps me sometimes to block out noise.

I have these and they help so much.

Ginger

Sometimes my anxiety causes my stomach to get upset.

I try to keep a ginger kombucha in the fridge. I also like these.

Eating what I can

So I said above that I try to be careful about what I eat. Unfortunately, when my anxiety is really bad, I sometimes don’t feel like eating.

So I eat what I can. Sometimes that’s crackers.

I know crackers are not a meal, but again, I try to think big picture. One lunch of crackers or toast is not a big deal.

Lowering expectations

I’ve mentioned this above, but when anxiety is really high, we need to lower expectations a lot.

Lower.

Maybe a full stop?

Help getting to sleep

If my thoughts are spinning and I can’t calm my mind, these are helpful in getting to sleep. (But again, check with your doctor.)

My emergency list on my phone

You want to make one of these when you are feeling good.

Because the whole reason I made an emergency list on my phone is because when anxiety is high, I can’t think and I can’t Google, for crying out loud.

My emergency list is also known as my Self-Care Can Dos. It’s just a running list of things that might help.

Some are simple:

Drink a glass of water and put your feet up (advice from my midwife while I was pregnant, and experiencing tons of Braxton Hicks contractions, but it helps in all kinds of situations)

I also have direct links to meditations, a gentle yoga class, encouraging talks – I’m looking at you, Brene Brown.

Telling myself that it will pass

I think this is huge.

Sometimes, it feels like anxiety will never get better.

I have had months of anxiety every day. I felt like a mess, a failure … I felt like nothing was helping and I had exhausted my options and I was going to feel awful forever.

I guess the good news is that I’ve had anxiety long enough to know that it comes and goes.

There are also people who can help. It’s just sometimes it takes a lot of work to find those people, and you have to kiss a lot of frogs, and it’s incredibly hard to keep fighting when you feel terrible.

So please, if your anxiety or depression becomes unmanageable, get help right away. Call your doctor, go to the nearest emergency room, or you can call the National Alliance on Mental Health 24/7: 1-800-950-NAMI.

You are important. You are loved. You are worth it. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

It absolutely CAN get better.

Again, please know that nothing in this post is meant to replace medical advice – I am simply sharing my own experience.

This post may contain affiliate links.

Twin bullies: Depression and Anxiety

by Kara S. Anderson

Twin bullies: Depression and Anxiety

Anxiety has been kicking my tush lately in the worst way.

Instead of being full-time roller-coaster-ville, it’s been sneak-attacking me here and there.

It leaves me shaking and physically weak – that’s a new one – and makes babystepping through my day feel like climbing a very large mountain that’s covered in poisonous snakes and those Princess Bride fire pits.

And the thing is, this is an improvement. A vast improvement over the spring/early summer when my old friend depression came back into town, pooped on my doorstep and took up residence like an old college roommate going through a messy divorce.

It was surly and tired and refused to leave, despite my not-so-subtle hinting.

I don’t get hit with depression a lot anymore, but when I do, it’s so hard to know what is going to lift the fog.

That’s one of the things with depression – if you knew it was waterskiing or meatballs or a new pair of jeans, you could just do or eat or get those things.

But instead, you wait and you wonder if this is the time it will stay around for good, because depression makes you lose all rational perspective.

This time I waited for a couple of months, hoping each morning that I would wake up and the weight would be gone.

I just wanted a normal day, not even a good one.

But within minutes my body would tell me, “This isn’t it, kid,” and I would go into get-through the day mode, trying to hold on to a the tiniest pinch of hope; the smallest dash of it-always-gets-better … right?

Sometimes the break in depression is gradual, like a sunrise (except it takes a few days or a week or more, so like a Mercury sunrise).

Still, I get glimmers and it keeps getting brighter, and I know that in time, I will find myself again, under the pillows and blankets and fear and tension.

But once in a while, it happens almost suddenly, which is what happened this time.

I was talking to my sister on the phone, and she mentioned that our mom wanted to join a volleyball league for senior women. She had even found one, but was upset to hear that the senior women, even after signing a waiver, “were not allowed to jump.”

It came out as a crack, or a snort – it was a very unattractive noise that I don’t wish to make again – but it came out all the same, and I started laughing until I couldn’t breathe.

Please don’t think me cruel. I am not laughing at these women who just want to exercise, I am laughing at a rule that makes the very object of playing volleyball sort of moot.

Still, something about the image of all these Carols and Debs standing in rows, wearing their knee pads and elbow pads and Poise Pads, being given the start-of-game reminder, “Remember ladies, let’s keep both feet on the floor …”

I just lost it.

For two days after, I continued to lose it whenever I would think about this scene – the women wanting to kick some senior sister butt – wanting to get a decent work-out, but being glued to the floor by park district burearacy.

In my bed. At the library. At the pool.

Whenever I thought about it, I would laugh until my stomach hurt. Until tears ran down my face.

For a lot of people, this kind of hysteria following a period of depression might be a bad sign, but for me, it gave me a little hope.

And I was right. Because then, one morning, it was all OK again.

Not perfect, but certainly better.

For a few weeks I thought maybe everything would be normal again, but it was more a tag-team situation – my anxiety was back, and no matter how much I thought about a coach shouting, “Barb! Final warning! Straight knees only!” it wasn’t enough to help with the shaking and uncertainty.

I talked to my doctor. I talked to my therapist, and both of them told me to move as much as possible. Breathe as much as possible.

They told me to practice radical self care and say no and to work every day to find my footing.

I added in “try to do nice things.”

This is an imperfect science – I mostly just leave larger than normal tips, but once I gave an elderly couple a pair of boat tickets.

And so that’s what I’m trying to do now, while I find my way back again.

I am mostly good, but I’ll tell you that it’s hard to write when anxiety is sitting in your lap.

Like physically hard.

I type weird when I am anxious, and the words don’t come nearly as quickly or as easily.

Plus, I doubt every word, so even if I do write something, I’m afraid to hit publish.

I’m afraid to be seen as complaining. In the grand scheme of things, depression and anxiety are treatable, and I have a wonderful support team in my doc and counselor.

But still, I want to be telling you about canoeing and our recent trip and about all the things we are learning.

I want to be me again.

So I’m working on it, OK? I promise, I’m working hard, and it will be OK again.

I mean, if the image of 60-year-olds frozen to the floor trying not to get spiked in the face because they literally aren’t allowed full range of motion is all it takes to break through the dark days of depression, something, one of these days, is going to help me reset the fear and the worry.

I just know it.

So for now, I’m sending love to my sisters who have been there or are there now, or who live in a state of worry about being there again.

I know how you feel. I know just how you feel. And I wish you peace and light.

Much love,