Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

10 ways to start easy this homeschool year

by Kara S. Anderson 49 Comments

This post was originally published in 2014! We’re now entering our 13th year, and I feel like this tips still stand. Except if your library is closed, you can ignore that part! 😉

I’ve been homeschooling for 12+ years, I haven’t graduated one kid, and I switch things up ALL THE TIME.

So let’s face it — I don’t know everything about homeschooling.

On the other hand, 12 years is a fair amount of time, and I’m still at it, and I am really good (if I do say so myself) at starting well.

So here is what I recommend to parents starting out homeschooling this year:

  1. Go to the library and get your fines in order. We currently owe $28 for two books that took a summer vacation under my daughter’s bed. It’s super cute when your kids get their first library card, and they are so excited! But then they want to use them, and you’re trying to keep track of books checked out on three different cards, and it’s like your brain is trying to juggle flaming library card batons. So start with a clean slate.

Planning

2. Plan out activities for your first “semester.” My rule is that the kids can pick one activity at a time — music lessons, sports, Brownies, whatever. More than that, and we start living on frozen pizzas. Make a rule that works for you.

3. Figure out what your weeks are going to look like. I am a big rhythm fan. I like to know what’s going on so that I can talk and argue less. So I like the idea of having set days to do things — Mondays are library days. Friday is co-op. Or whatever.

4. Know that your plans are going to get screwed up some weeks. Other cool stuff will come up. People will need to visit the dentist. This is just your general plan.

5. Figure out what you want your days to look like. I’ve seen this described a lot of different ways in the homeschool-verse: make a schedule, find your rhythm, create a flow-chart, whatever … but write down a basic idea of how you want things to go and when you are going to do things. Focus on the big stuff (in our house that’s reading together, math and allowing the kids time to pursue interests) and go from there.

6. Schedule some down-time every day. Even when you have big kids and especially if you have introverted or sensitive kids.

Purchasing

7. Buy some new stuff. Because it’s the start of school and it’s fun. And you want to begin again. And you’re all full of beans.

8. Don’t buy too much new stuff. Don’t buy stuff for the whole year. Instead, take some money (I’m serious) and put it in two envelopes: label one November Slump, and pull it out the day after Halloween when you have a sugar hang-over and are questioning your sanity.Label the second one February Hell, and pull it out around Valentine’s Day when the weather feels like it’s trying to kill you and your kids are climbing the walls and you just want to hide and eat those Dove chocolates without bothering to read the inspirational messages inside.

Set Yourself up for Success

9. Plan something fun. As more and more school buses start clogging up your neighborhood, hit the drive-through for donuts or have a backyard waterpark day?

Take a picture and put it somewhere you’ll see it all the time, and when your child is whining during math, or breaks a pencil out of frustration because writing one sentence is JUST SO HARD, look at that picture, and pack everyone up and go for ice cream and start over.

10. Make a plan to take care of you. Right now. Think about what makes you feel good. Do you love good books? Do you love at-home spa treatments? Do you love fancy coffee?

Write down 9 or 10 things that make you feel good and commit to doing at least one every month. Do not feel one bit guilty.

This is how you’re going to fill your bucket, so you can fill everyone else’s. It’s important. It’s vital. Please — do it for your kids, your husband and because you deserve it.

That’s it! See? Easy-peasy.

Happy homeschooling!

Kara

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You should probably have a hot chocolate party ASAP

by Kara S. Anderson 4 Comments

I don’t mean to generalize, but there are basically two kinds of people in this world – those who need a reason to plan a party and those who do not.

But those are regular parties.

A hot chocolate party is a party for EVERYONE, and I suggest you have one any Tuesday, or even in spring or fall (but probably not summer unless it’s raining or your husband is away and won’t know you turned the AC down to 50).

If you really need an excuse to party cocoa-style, maybe grab this gentle winter unit study – you’ll also get our recipe for Snowy Day cookies!

So really, the best bet is just to plan a Cocoa-Fest for this week.

Your kids will flip, and you’ll create a warm memory, and frankly, what better way to ease back into school, right?

THE COCOA

You don’t need a lot of have a hot chocolate party, but the hot chocolate is important pretty vital.

You can go with Swiss Miss. No one is judging.

Watered-down Swiss Miss is all most of us had in the 80s and 90s, and we would race our siblings inside for that business – snow in our hair, mobility constricted by too tight snow pants, JC Penney catalog jackets and moon boots.

You can also go with a crockpot recipe. This is nice for larger groups, and it you don’t have a kettle. (We have this kettle though, and love it!)

You can also get really cute and creative and go with something like this hot chocolate on a stick.

And, if you have dairy-free people to consider, I really can recommend this mixed with dairy-free milk like almond milk.

THE BASICS

From there, you’re going to need some marshmallows and whipped cream, otherwise, why bother, right? 😉

Again, I understand when dietary restrictions come into play, but this isn’t the 80s anymore when I used to put orange juice on my cereal because I couldn’t tolerate milk.

They make all kinds of dairy-free whipped toppings, and they make marshmallows that don’t contain any of the 8 major allergens.

But OK, if for some reason those toppings are still off limits, no sweat – it’s just that first, we have to delve deeper into Marshmallow Land for a sec, then we’ll move on. Pinkie Swear.

CHURROS, YOU GUYS

For instance, did you know that they make marshmallows that taste like churros? Or cookie dough? Or ones that come pre-toasted (in case you decide to have s’mores party later).

You can also get peppermint marshmallows, shapes, or just throw some Peeps up in your melty chocolate hot tub.

I don’t want to sounds bossy, but at least two marshmallow offerings take this from a “we’re having hot chocolate,” to an actual PARTY.

MORE TOPPINGS

From there, let’s talk syrups.

I’m a caramel girl. Some people like hot fudge.

And then you have your “dry” toppings such as:

SIDES

You might also want some sides. We love these cookies.

Speaking of which, you’re going to need some food or else …

FOOD

Cookies are a great accompaniment to a hot chocolate party. Kids love dipping and hey – we’re going all in here.

BUT … maybe set out a few non-sweet snacks to balance things out. Protein is good. We put out some mixed nuts and some Trader Joe’s cheese crackers and some meat and cheese … but I’m not good at this stuff, maybe ask your healthnut friend of a member of the American Dental Association.

DRINKING VESSELS

If you’re having a smaller party, you can use festive mugs.

You can even use mugs with a larger party, BUT, it can be nice since if you have a lot of people to use cups you can mark names on.

This is also helpful if you are taking your party on the go – for instance, we often make giant batches of hot caramel cider at Halloween and take it out with us as we trick-or-treat.

DECOR

Finally, from a planner stand-point, festive decor is so much fun! We got some of these bowls, which we also used for a New Year’s Eve ice cream sundae bar.

I purchased these compostable spoons, but learned they are best for scooping out toppings – they are so compostable that they can fall apart *in* your hot cocoa, and no one wants that.

We kept table decorations simple, and made the toppings the stars of the show, but you could absolutely add a fun runner, some signs or cute reusable bowls.

We did use one of these for our marshmallows.

GET FESTIVE

Finally, a roaring fire, a good read-aloud, a family movie or a sledding party can make your hot chocolate party even more fun.

If it’s an unseasonably warm day, you can even have a snow picnic! (If you do, I highly recommend an insulated thermos.)

And again, I recommend hosting a hot chocolate bar as part of this gentle winter unit study, which is on sale now and a great way to transition back to school.

Wishing you a cozy winter, friends!

P.S. Want to add a little art (and lots more fun!) to your hot chocolate party? Pair is with a lesson from You Are An Artist Chalk Pastels. A Mittens & Cocoa lessons is in the Fall Video Chalk Art Lesson set.

Do you have a favorite hot chocolate topping? Let us know in the comments.

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The cactus method of homeschool planning

by Kara S. Anderson 6 Comments

I find that when you call something a “method” it sometimes accidentally gives it street cred.

So last week, when I started talking about The Cactus Method of homeschool planning on Instagram, mamas started asking me what book it was from and where I had gotten the idea.

So I’m going to tell you that it’s from me, and it’s from a book I am writing in my head, but not the book I am currently writing-writing. I plan to finish that book in a few weeks while staying in a monastery, but I’m getting off track.

Anyway, the “cactus method” of homeschool planning is simply an idea I have that when you plan your week or day, you need to hold on to those plans loosely, like how you would hold a cactus. Originally I said a porcupine or cactus, but it quickly occurred to me how little control you would have if you were holding a porcupine.

The porcupine is really more in control in that specific scenario, and so it doesn’t work for the metaphor.

But a cactus – that’s all about you, baby. You can hold a cactus however you want, but I suggest you hold it gently.

Certainly don’t squeeze – my goodness.

So with that in mind, I go into my homeschool days with a plan, but not a schedule. And I guess I kind of figure after 12 years that things are going to come up, and plans might change, and there will be days when things just don’t really work at all, i.e. the kitten gets insane diarrhea on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

(This is how God/the Universe likes to keep me in my place – by reminding me that YES! I am in charge! But also, not really!)

How to use The Cactus Method

So every morning, I look at my planner. (I use this one and if you like it, use this link and get 5 bucks off – I’m on your side!)

And then I figure out what we can realistically do today, and then still think we can do more than we can.

But, I write a general plan on our desktop chalkboard.

This is saving a lot of sanity around here, because:

  • it forces me to plan the day, at least loosely
  • I don’t have to keep our plans in my head
  • everyone can see what we need to do
  • everyone isn’t asking me what we are doing every 8 minutes

Now, if all I had to do was follow the plan, I think that would probably be easy.

Easier.

But I am squishy and sensitive.

I’m an INFJ – and INFs take everyone’s feelings into account ALL THE TIME.

I’m also an Enneagram 9. Our tagline should basically be, “I don’t know. What do YOU want to do?”

This used to mean that sometimes my kids would wake cranky, or out of sorts and I would start making up special breakfast plates and filibustering in order to get our day going.

But now I have a tween and a teen, and when teens and tweens get “out of sorts” that can be surly AFF (as fancy Frenchmen.)

So yikes.

My whole strategy for getting people to the table this year has been “delicious breakfast food.”

Because just like how they say the biggest thing with exercise is just putting on your gear, or the biggest thing with yoga is rolling out your mat, the biggest thing with surly wildebeest tweens and teens is just getting them to the table and putting some protein in their face-holes.

(Also maybe avoid eye contact.)

via GIPHY

You can see how all of this is a recipe for the cactus method, right?

Also, Margin

I’m also going to share one other tip, and that’s to CREATE MARGIN. Because kids have interests and passions, and if we make time for those things, everyone is happier.

So another key component of the cactus schooling method (#copyright #trademark) is asking your kids, “What do you want to do today?”

In order to be able to fulfill those requests/dreams, however, you can’t have your day packed full of things YOU want to do.

I’ve long believed this to be true, but recently I was talking to a friend who has graduated two kids, and those kids are now pursuing their passions via college and thriving, so even though I made up the cactus method (#allrightsreserved), I think there is something to it.

Finally, you may be asking yourself how to keep track of things if you are “planning” so loosely.

I have a few recommendations:

  • First, you can download my free homeschool bullet journal planning guide here.

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  • In your bullet journal, or planner, or any notebook, you can create a Big Picture Planning Page. (BPPP)
  • Then, each week, as you sit down to plan, you can mark out what you would like to do each day.

Remember – this is a general idea, and you are not tied to these things.

This is not a blood oath situation. Stop chanting.

  • Then, leave room for margin. Leave room for emergency kitten vet visits and leaky toilets and surly AFF kids and hobbies and interests.

If this makes you super nervous, maybe check out this post on how I record what we have done in our homeschool each day, and how that is helping me build a transcript for my high schooler.

Then, repeat after me: We don’t have control over what our kids learn or retain. We do have control over the tone of our days, and how we treat our people, and those things are more important anyway.

So hold that plan like a cactus. Put it down entirely if you need to. (Some days you WILL need to.)

Thank you for coming to my Cactus Method TEDtalk.

#thecactusmethod #cactusschooling #stopchanting

 

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Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches

by Kara S. Anderson 15 Comments

At the end of my grandmother’s very long life, the early days of mothering were still very important to her.

I know this because she chose to include two items in her obituary: room mother, and cub scout den leader.

My grandmother lived for 94 full years. She went to college, she traveled, and after her husband died unexpectedly in the 70s, she managed a family on her own.

She started a business; she volunteered.

And when she helped to write her obituary, she included these items with equal value.

Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches.

***

I was talking with a friend recently about meeting new people, and awkward small talk – specifically how to explain to strangers what we do all day. And maybe even more challenging – why we do it.

Although homeschooling becomes more popular all the time, we are still early settlers – maybe not pioneers, but the next generation – the ones who know a little about the land and what we should plant, but we’re still building and developing community.

Before kids, I didn’t imagine myself as a homeschooler. But I did want to be a room mother.

And so when I unexpectedly got laid off at 9 months pregnant, I took it as a sign.

The larger my baby grew inside me, the more he squished my heart up into my throat, I think. It became hard for me not to shout that I didn’t want to go back to full-time work.

I loved my job, but I knew that my particular career choice was not going to be well-suited to balanced motherhood.

And I wanted to get to be a mom too, not just a newspaper lady with a kid in the background.

***

Have you been watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

Where are her kids?

I mean, I love it – I do. But was it like this in the late 50s? Kids neither seen nor heard?

Not for Grandma Lois.

Her children were a joy to her. My Aunt Chris told a story over Christmas about boy scouts dipping candles in their old kitchen, in their family home.

She remembers her mother this way. She also remembers living room tents and slumber parties with cousins and picnics …

Her boys remember taking off on bikes and their mom telling them to have fun and stay out of the creek.

She was there.

***

We are HERE with our kids. That’s what hard to explain, I guess, to people who don’t understand homeschooling.

It’s part about school, and part about just life.

It’s a little about math, and a lot about errands, really.

Can I tell you a secret, though? My son and I have the best talks while running errands.

***

I woke up this morning with two thoughts – the first was that I wanted to write about my grandmother, and what I noted in her obituary – that the early years of mothering mattered to her, continued to matter to her as she looked back over along life …

It sort of stuck out to me like a flashing beacon, and what it said is that this is not time wasted.

The second thought was that I have a Day in the Life post due soon to a site where I contribute, and I’m worried about it. Every year, I find it harder and harder to quantify what we do here.

My kids are 11 and 14, with birthdays in the next few weeks. They are their own people in many ways, and I am simply their support person.

They are doing their own thing a lot of the time, and so am I.

Is that OK? Is that enough?

***

I had a 3-year-old person visit recently.

I’m pretty sure I was in the second-best shape of my life when I had a 3-year-old (only after when I was an athlete training 4 hours per day).

In the time she was here, I was up and down a lot from my chair.

We pulled stuff off shelves and out of the fridge, and I started to remember what it had been like back in the very earliest days …

I’m not sure I could get through that kind of intensity again.

My husband had a really demanding boss, and we were still figuring a lot out. I can remember taking my own 3-year-old and infant to my annual gynecologist appointment, because I didn’t have a support system.

My 3-year-old narrated.

It was eye-opening for both of us.

For a long time, I was surviving.

***

Back then, I wondered frequently if I was doing the right thing. I was an exhausted and stressed mom, who was running on empty all the time.

I knew I wasn’t at my best, and so I wondered how I could possibly be giving my best.

Pre-school was a respite for me, and when it didn’t work, I wasn’t sure that I could manage homeschooling a precocious kid while caring for a baby.

I tried, and we sent him back to school after the first few months.

***

And then we tried again and it stuck.

But I still get scared sometimes.

Now I am a busy mom, who is trying to balance work and school and life.

What if this has all been a mistake? That’s what hits me at 3 in the morning.

That my kids still need to work on handwriting. That we are behind in math.

That I am failing them.

***

And so what Grandma Lois reminded me is that being here is important.

That’s not about homeschooling.

That’s just parenting.

Being here is about listening, and laughing together, and being counsel and silly what-if conversations on the way to the bank.

So even when we get scared about the homeschooling part, maybe we can find some comfort in the other part?

Maybe we can remember that at the end, that will matter.

“She has watched every moment of your life, almost, and she loves you as God does, to the marrow of your bones.” – Gilead

***

And so in our days with our kids, maybe we can shift our focus:

  • Maybe we can try to smile more.
  • Maybe we can do more projects, whether or not they are “school.”
  • Maybe we can watch TV and movies together.
  • Maybe we can go boring places, but talk on the way there.
  • Maybe we can have more picnics.
  • Maybe we can build more tent cities.
  •  

Maybe, we can just love our kids as they are. Grandma Lois had an incredible way of doing just that.

In fact, she taught me a lot about how to love people well.

So that is what I strive for each day here. To see my people. To love them. To be here.

These years in the trenches matter.

In fact, when we look back, they may feel like what mattered the most.

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