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This past week, despite all Instagram indications to the contrary, was a very hard anxious week for me.
It should have been calm and lovely. But that’s the thing about anxiety. “Despite all indications to the contrary,” should be its slogan.
Because anxiety is tricky. It’s different than it’s partner-in-crime worry, because worry is reasonable.
But anxiety pops up just because. Because it can.
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember — the kind that made first grade unbearable. The kind that made me worry about my grandparents and baby sister when I should have been learning spelling words and subtraction.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that the two things anxiety needs most are love and humor.
But these things can help too:
What anxiety needs
Anxiety needs space to go inside. No questions, and (Geez Louise) no requests for answers to anything, and that includes what I want on a pizza.
It needs soft words and open arms, but maybe not hugs right now, because I’m currently being slowly crushed by my own chest. So please.
And never loud music. Neither Mumford and Sons nor Fun. Although some Ingrid Michaelson might be nice later. It’ll let you know.
Anxiety needs to know that the people I love are there, but that they don’t really need anything right now.
(Because it’s selfish and rude, and trust me, I hate that enough for the both of us.)
Because it needs me to be able to disappear for just a minute. So if you see me blocking things out, it’s because I need a break, but I might already be in too deep to ask for it.
Because anxiety needs to sneak up on you apparently.
Anxiety doesn’t need a reason, by the way. And it’s no one’s fault.
It’s doesn’t need you to fix anything.
It doesn’t need you to diagnose anything or figure out where it came from. (Moon cycles, or hormonal cycles or bicycles or icicles?)
Speaking of which, sometimes, anxiety needs carbs, and it doesn’t want to hear about it.
Chocolate can help, but caffeine doesn’t.
Magnesium and lavender oil and Elm and Rescue Remedy might.
(Talking to a doctor might. It’s OK, I promise.)
But then again, sometimes it’s just a matter of time. Until something magical shifts back again.
(Do you see how frustrating this is?)
Anxiety doesn’t need you to try to understand, but I do.
Maybe you do too?
I should tell you that this post is not a replacement for medical advice. I’m not a doctor, but I do deal with anxiety sometimes, And I today I wanted to talk about it with you. If you deal with anxiety too, I’m sending a hug and loads of support, but if you need more than that, PLEASE don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for it. I promise it can help.
Much love,
Kara
Yes, thank you
Sending you softness and gentleness and kindness.
Xoxo
S
Yes…especially to not answering questions. When I am having a “moment”…be it a day long moment or just minutes, the thing that tips me into a spinning mess is having to answer a question or make a decision. It can just be so overwhelming.
Hi Kara! I have trouble with anxiety as well…thank you for this post! I hope you feel better soon. Sending much love xoxo
I keep trying to work out what causes mine in an order to ‘conquer’ it. How refreshing to not think about what’s causing it and sort of giving myself permission to be anxious now and then and rest up (not wallow although that would be nice, but who has the time … lol). Although after a particularly long period I do need to work out the root or it simply intensifies and makes it impossible to function in the real world.
Wow, thank you for being so brave to talk openly about this, it seems like such a private battle that others can find very hard to understand, so to read your words was such an encouragement and comfort that I am not alone (or crazy!). Yes, it doesnt need a reason to invade and yes, something can magically shift and then it is gone. Hard when we are trying our best to be good mamas and teachers though! Again, thank you for your blog. Much love x
Yes Bron! I’m not sure there’s ever an ideal stage in life to deal with anxiety (at least I haven’t discovered it thus far), but dealing with it while mothering and teaching littles is really tough for sure.
It’s odd — I’m finding that if I give myself some time, and then talk to a trusted friend or my husband, the answer to what started the spin usually reveals itself. But in the midst of the hardest moments and days, I’ve stopped trying to figure it out, because for me, I find that makes it harder to crawl back out again 🙂
Lots of love and hugs, Molly!
Yes! My husband and I used to have such a hard time in this area. He was trying to make things better, by asking lots of questions. I found once I was able to explain the overwhelm he understood more, but it’s still tough. I’d like a sign, I think 😉
Thanks, my friend. 🙂
Thanks Laura! 🙂
I have been quietly reading your blog for a couple of months now, taking all the encouragement and support you give. Today I just want to say thank you for writing 🙂 I am just coming out of a long difficult period of anxiety and trying to plan in coping mechanisms for next time, now I feel better and more able to think straight. This post really helped. Please don’t ever stop blogging you are such a great support!
Thank you so much for your sweet comment. And you are so wise — YES — it is so hard to figure out how to help yourself while you are in the midst of something. You are inspiring me to create a list for next time I feel underwater with anxiety. Take care. I hope you continue to feel better. 🙂
An emotion I almost never experience, and for that I am extremely grateful. I love what you have written here.
These words have sunk deep into my soul. They have provided just what my anxiety has needed – the humor and the love – the comfort of knowing what goes on in my mind is truly bizarre and outside of my control. Just seeing some of my own inexpressible thoughts has helped not only me, but those I care about (and those closest to me).
I’m going to stop rattling on, but all that was to say: Thank you. This post is priceless.
Aw Cara. I’m glad if it helped a little. 🙂
Thank you for being so open- I’ve noticed people really don’t like talking about anxiety. I had always thought of myself as being a laid back person, sometimes getting stressed about something big or feeling tense when I had a lot going on. Big surprise when I began having panic attacks recently! I never realized how my near-constant worry about future events and ruminating over past conversations drove me into a constant state of anxiety, until I had physical symptoms of dizziness and shortness of breath. What has been a life-changer for me to deal with anxiety is meditation. I use an app, calm.com, every morning for at least 10 min. A great book that explains how to meditate is Real Happiness by Sharon Salzburg. Meditating has shown me how horrible my inner voice was, always telling myself I’m not good enough. I’ve now found how to be compassion towards myself and others. I find it easier to forgive myself and others. I’ve learned to let go of my need to control things that are truly not in my control, and to not even bother worrying about them. And to let go of the past.
Other things that help me during times when anxiety is visiting- epsom salt baths, no multi-tasking, avoiding shopping (too many choices make me overwhelmed), limiting sugar and carbs and being careful not to overeat. Oh, and I love my mindful exercise- yoga, pilates or barre!
Love your blog. Thanks again.
Hi Michelle! Yes — anxiety is weird like that isn’t it? When it chooses to creep up on you? I love these ideas. Thank you so much for sharing them and saying hi. I’ve been really embracing yoga and meditation again lately and it does help! <3
I come back to this post every so often, when my anxiety is bad, to review your notes on things that might help. I just recently tried Elm, because I happened upon it last week at the health food store while picking up some Rescue Remedy, and remembered that you had mentioned it. It’s a small change, but a good one–I’m noticing I’m able to hang on to my patience better, and not immediately lose my ever-loving mind over small things, because when I’m already anxious even small things make it worse. Anything that helps is a Good Thing. So thank you, many times over, for both the practical suggestions on what anxiety needs and also for being brave enough to share so that those of us who also experience it don’t feel so alone in our own heads.
Oh, I’m glad it helps a little Helena. Sending you a hug. It will get better again. Hang in there. <3