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Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

That’s not your thing.

by Kara S. Anderson 60 Comments

This is probably not new information, but you are not your best friend.

You’re not your sister, your husband, your know-it-all cousin or that lady at co-op who told you that kids who don’t read by age 4 are usually dyslexic. 🙄

And so, you don’t have to be their things, either.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about how everyone has their “things” — the things they love, the things they hate, the things that control them and define them.

Let me share a few of mine:

I love books and tea and my big, comfy bed. I love growing tomatoes and playing fetch with my cat and meals I don’t have to cook. I love travel and crushed ice and reading to my kids. I love really old men in blacks socks who buy one pear at the grocery store, salted chocolate, paper letters, small acts of kindness, warm hugs from loved ones and the way my husband’s hand feels in mine after all these years.

I hate cased meats and when the doorbell rings unexpectedly and listening to music that I’m not in the mood for. I hate milk and that poofy thing they do at the eye doctor and confrontation and artificial sweeteners. I HATE the sound of folding paper. And I hate “project toys” that never work the way they said they would and frustrate me and my child.

I don’t trust mayonnaise. I BELIEVE in butter.

These are my things. They make me me.

Other People’s Things

But plenty of times, I have tried adopting other people’s things, because they were passionate or loud about those things, and through their passionate loudness, they seemed to make sense.

I tried giving up paper towels like a friend who is incredibly fiery about the environment. I beat myself up when I would buy a roll, but I also had panic attacks when a pet would explode.

I tried making all our bread products from scratch like another friend, and found us living on Amy’s enchiladas while I waited for dough to rise.

The Other Homeschool Mom

And I have tried being another kind of homeschool mom. I’ve tried doing what the fancy, organized lady on the Internet says. I’ve forced circle times and banned computer time and spent too much money on curriculum that made me, my kids, or both miserable.

I took other people’s things — what they loved or what they hated — and I tried to make them mine. And it didn’t work.

It rarely does. Because they are not me.

Planning This Year …

So this year, as you sit down to plan your school year, I beg of you –factor in your things.

Think about what makes you happy, what scares you, what makes you want to throw your shoes, what makes you feel soft and safe on the inside.

Think about the power you have to make the year ahead good and positive.

Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Who knows — maybe their thing is being miserable?

But yours doesn’t have to be.

You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s things anymore.

You have your things, and it’s time to start living more of the ones you love.

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Comments

  1. Myah says

    I love this message, Kara!!! So many of the things you hate, I hate too! Like… when the doorbell rings unexpectedly! 🙂 And… this has been a major goal of mine. Be ME!! Who am I ??? And, I love your writing!! <3

  2. Myah says

    I love this message, Kara!!! So many of the things you hate, I hate too! Like… when the doorbell rings unexpectedly! 🙂 And… this has been a major goal of mine. Be ME!! Who am I ??? And, I love your writing!! <3

  5. candidkay says

    While I don’t home school, your message soooo applies. Especially after a quick scan of Facebook–all the friends doing triathlons, organizing fundraisers, etc. can make a girl feel a bit inadequate on a Monday AM. Thanks for the reminder!

  6. candidkay says

    While I don’t home school, your message soooo applies. Especially after a quick scan of Facebook–all the friends doing triathlons, organizing fundraisers, etc. can make a girl feel a bit inadequate on a Monday AM. Thanks for the reminder!

  7. Karen Gurski says

    The lady on the Internet drove me crazy with the clutter she left in my inbox. I’m trying to get rid of other people’s clutter, so I got rid of her’s. Now I’m going through all of my own internal odds and ends and saying, “Wait, that’s not mine.” Or, “Here’s that thing about me I’ve been looking for.” Sometimes it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.

  8. Karen Gurski says

    The lady on the Internet drove me crazy with the clutter she left in my inbox. I’m trying to get rid of other people’s clutter, so I got rid of her’s. Now I’m going through all of my own internal odds and ends and saying, “Wait, that’s not mine.” Or, “Here’s that thing about me I’ve been looking for.” Sometimes it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.

  9. Michelle says

    Thank you! I’m a new homeschooler, (starting AFTER Labor Day, ‘cuz we finally can!) and I’ll take this post to heart. I know I’ll make mistakes, and do things that aren’t me, but I’m hopeful that your words will help give me permission to let those things go!

  10. Michelle says

    Thank you! I’m a new homeschooler, (starting AFTER Labor Day, ‘cuz we finally can!) and I’ll take this post to heart. I know I’ll make mistakes, and do things that aren’t me, but I’m hopeful that your words will help give me permission to let those things go!

  11. Rachel Reeves says

    Thank you so much for this timely message. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and beginning to homeschool my 1st grader this year {next week!}. I need to remember that a manufactured homeschool is not a delightful one-a AUTHENTIC one is! Praise the Lord for this message, today!

  12. Rachel Reeves says

    Thank you so much for this timely message. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and beginning to homeschool my 1st grader this year {next week!}. I need to remember that a manufactured homeschool is not a delightful one-a AUTHENTIC one is! Praise the Lord for this message, today!

  17. ksawrites says

    Ugh. Totally. Teeew-tally. 😉

    I love your most recent post, but the way! Is everyone reading candidkay, because she’s the best!

  18. ksawrites says

    Ugh. Totally. Teeew-tally. 😉

    I love your most recent post, but the way! Is everyone reading candidkay, because she’s the best!

  19. ksawrites says

    Hooray for letting go. I think homeschoolers need to claim that Frozen song. Of course, I haven’t seen the movie, but I assume it wasn’t written directly for us? 😉

  20. ksawrites says

    Hooray for letting go. I think homeschoolers need to claim that Frozen song. Of course, I haven’t seen the movie, but I assume it wasn’t written directly for us? 😉

  23. molly says

    I love this, Kara! Thank you! I’ve tried the no paper towels situ, and the no plastic straws (paper straws just don’t work well w munchkins!), and circle time, and so many other things that I thought should be *our* thing. But, thankfully, I’ve learned to let go when they just don’t work for us 🙂 Your reminder and encouragement is perfectly timed as we ease back into more schooling! xo

  24. molly says

    I love this, Kara! Thank you! I’ve tried the no paper towels situ, and the no plastic straws (paper straws just don’t work well w munchkins!), and circle time, and so many other things that I thought should be *our* thing. But, thankfully, I’ve learned to let go when they just don’t work for us 🙂 Your reminder and encouragement is perfectly timed as we ease back into more schooling! xo

  25. Carrie Willard says

    I’m thinking of that scene with Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (which has my favorite quote, ever, about homeschooling or life in general) in which he tells Will about his wife and how she farted when she was nervous. Or rather, fahted (Boston accent). And she fahted when she slept. How this was “the good stuff” and not our flaws. Love that.

  26. Carrie Willard says

    I’m thinking of that scene with Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (which has my favorite quote, ever, about homeschooling or life in general) in which he tells Will about his wife and how she farted when she was nervous. Or rather, fahted (Boston accent). And she fahted when she slept. How this was “the good stuff” and not our flaws. Love that.

  29. Annie says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are launching into our 6 year homeschooling and I’m wondering why I ever thought swimming against the current would get easier. Sure, people have stopped asking in horrified tones what we will do for socialization, but other things have emerged and it’s still work. Work that I want to do. Thank you for the reminder to be me. I smiled at the thought that some people’s thing might be being miserable. That’s good stuff!

  30. Annie says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are launching into our 6 year homeschooling and I’m wondering why I ever thought swimming against the current would get easier. Sure, people have stopped asking in horrified tones what we will do for socialization, but other things have emerged and it’s still work. Work that I want to do. Thank you for the reminder to be me. I smiled at the thought that some people’s thing might be being miserable. That’s good stuff!

  31. Rebeca Jones says

    This is excellent, Kara. This article is circulating on FB among my co-op friends and I’m so glad. You are a talented writer and your message here is so needed! I can’t wait to explore more of your site. Grace and peace to you today!

  32. Rebeca Jones says

    This is excellent, Kara. This article is circulating on FB among my co-op friends and I’m so glad. You are a talented writer and your message here is so needed! I can’t wait to explore more of your site. Grace and peace to you today!

  33. Andrea Osborne says

    I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Thank you SO MUCH, Kara. I don’t homeschool, but I’m still in a panic about my daughter starting 5th grade next week. I ALWAYS compare myself to the other mothers and figure I must be doing something wrong. But reading this lets me know that it’s OKAY that I love taking my daughter to the art museum but hate being a social scheduler. I’m into letting her make artwork out of almost everything in our house, but I’m not going to be a PTA groupie. I like hot tea, not coffee. I’m just not into classical music most of the time, but I do love to read any and everytihng. I need to embrace what’s me and stop worrying about the things that just aren’t my thing. Whew. You just took A LOT of pressure off my shoulders. Thank you!

  34. Andrea Osborne says

    I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Thank you SO MUCH, Kara. I don’t homeschool, but I’m still in a panic about my daughter starting 5th grade next week. I ALWAYS compare myself to the other mothers and figure I must be doing something wrong. But reading this lets me know that it’s OKAY that I love taking my daughter to the art museum but hate being a social scheduler. I’m into letting her make artwork out of almost everything in our house, but I’m not going to be a PTA groupie. I like hot tea, not coffee. I’m just not into classical music most of the time, but I do love to read any and everytihng. I need to embrace what’s me and stop worrying about the things that just aren’t my thing. Whew. You just took A LOT of pressure off my shoulders. Thank you!

  39. Ellie says

    What a wonderful reminder! My crazy is who I am. I’ve tried planning out our year, only to scrap in a week after I spent HOURS researching and planning.

  40. Aubrey Carey says

    I think about the hours spent researching, planning, the amount of money spent- I feel almost wasteful and like I have to stick it out with these things for awhile, even if they arent me or arent my child’s thing?
    BUT as a first time homeschooler, who has spent WAY too many hours and dollars on things that are NOT me, i appreciate this post. I know its an old one, but this is the first time Ive read it.
    Im sitting down to make a list of “my things” and my children’s “things”, as I look over the random assortment of materials Ive gathered and now need to get rid of, while planning for next year.
    My Pinterest boards are like a snapshot of just how much I try to be someone Im not but think I am SUPPOSED to be:)
    Im going to delete all the crafty projects Ill never do, get rid of the curriculum that doesnt suit our style, and try not to feel bad about it but chalk it up to a learnibg experience.
    I do feel bad about my son having such a disjointed and inconsistent 3rd grade year this year, we switched from one thing to the next so much. Ive finally found our lang arts and math fit- but now we will have to school through the summer to get him through the 3rd grade material in both.

  41. Jess says

    Old words, but still so true and such great reminders! Thank you (as always)!

  42. Shelly Todd says

    How do you always, every year just know the right thing to say to this veteran homeschool mama? It’s spooky cool and I am soooo grateful! Happy Fall!

  43. Kelly says

    We share our things! But the things you hate are not the things I hate. I appreciate this article and the advice, thank you.

  45. Rachel R. says

    Hello Kara! I recently discovered you from watching a video on Introverted Moms. The bread/paper towel examples were so good–I too have been guilty of that copying before. And haha yes, homeschooling in the ’80s would have been something. Love your perspective and challenge to figure out what matters to us.

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