Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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That’s not your thing.

by Kara S. Anderson

This is probably not new information, but you are not your best friend.

You’re not your sister, your husband, your know-it-all cousin or that lady at co-op who told you that kids who don’t read by age 4 are usually dyslexic. 🙄

And so, you don’t have to be their things, either.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about how everyone has their “things” — the things they love, the things they hate, the things that control them and define them.

Let me share a few of mine:

I love books and tea and my big, comfy bed. I love growing tomatoes and playing fetch with my cat and meals I don’t have to cook. I love travel and crushed ice and reading to my kids. I love really old men in blacks socks who buy one pear at the grocery store, salted chocolate, paper letters, small acts of kindness, warm hugs from loved ones and the way my husband’s hand feels in mine after all these years.

I hate cased meats and when the doorbell rings unexpectedly and listening to music that I’m not in the mood for. I hate milk and that poofy thing they do at the eye doctor and confrontation and artificial sweeteners. I HATE the sound of folding paper. And I hate “project toys” that never work the way they said they would and frustrate me and my child.

I don’t trust mayonnaise. I BELIEVE in butter.

These are my things. They make me me.

Other People’s Things

But plenty of times, I have tried adopting other people’s things, because they were passionate or loud about those things, and through their passionate loudness, they seemed to make sense.

I tried giving up paper towels like a friend who is incredibly fiery about the environment. I beat myself up when I would buy a roll, but I also had panic attacks when a pet would explode.

I tried making all our bread products from scratch like another friend, and found us living on Amy’s enchiladas while I waited for dough to rise.

The Other Homeschool Mom

And I have tried being another kind of homeschool mom. I’ve tried doing what the fancy, organized lady on the Internet says. I’ve forced circle times and banned computer time and spent too much money on curriculum that made me, my kids, or both miserable.

I took other people’s things — what they loved or what they hated — and I tried to make them mine. And it didn’t work.

It rarely does. Because they are not me.

Planning This Year …

So this year, as you sit down to plan your school year, I beg of you –factor in your things.

Think about what makes you happy, what scares you, what makes you want to throw your shoes, what makes you feel soft and safe on the inside.

Think about the power you have to make the year ahead good and positive.

Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Who knows — maybe their thing is being miserable?

But yours doesn’t have to be.

You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s things anymore.

You have your things, and it’s time to start living more of the ones you love.

This post contains affiliate links.

Filed Under: Home, Homeschooling, Mama Self-Care, Motherhood/Parenting

Comments

  1. Myah says

    August 11, 2014 at

    I love this message, Kara!!! So many of the things you hate, I hate too! Like… when the doorbell rings unexpectedly! 🙂 And… this has been a major goal of mine. Be ME!! Who am I ??? And, I love your writing!! <3

  2. Myah says

    August 11, 2014 at

    I love this message, Kara!!! So many of the things you hate, I hate too! Like… when the doorbell rings unexpectedly! 🙂 And… this has been a major goal of mine. Be ME!! Who am I ??? And, I love your writing!! <3

  3. Dulcie Blackburn says

    August 11, 2014 at

    Thank you!

  4. Dulcie Blackburn says

    August 11, 2014 at

    Thank you!

  5. candidkay says

    August 11, 2014 at

    While I don’t home school, your message soooo applies. Especially after a quick scan of Facebook–all the friends doing triathlons, organizing fundraisers, etc. can make a girl feel a bit inadequate on a Monday AM. Thanks for the reminder!

  6. candidkay says

    August 11, 2014 at

    While I don’t home school, your message soooo applies. Especially after a quick scan of Facebook–all the friends doing triathlons, organizing fundraisers, etc. can make a girl feel a bit inadequate on a Monday AM. Thanks for the reminder!

  7. Karen Gurski says

    August 11, 2014 at

    The lady on the Internet drove me crazy with the clutter she left in my inbox. I’m trying to get rid of other people’s clutter, so I got rid of her’s. Now I’m going through all of my own internal odds and ends and saying, “Wait, that’s not mine.” Or, “Here’s that thing about me I’ve been looking for.” Sometimes it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.

  8. Karen Gurski says

    August 11, 2014 at

    The lady on the Internet drove me crazy with the clutter she left in my inbox. I’m trying to get rid of other people’s clutter, so I got rid of her’s. Now I’m going through all of my own internal odds and ends and saying, “Wait, that’s not mine.” Or, “Here’s that thing about me I’ve been looking for.” Sometimes it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.

  9. Michelle says

    August 12, 2014 at

    Thank you! I’m a new homeschooler, (starting AFTER Labor Day, ‘cuz we finally can!) and I’ll take this post to heart. I know I’ll make mistakes, and do things that aren’t me, but I’m hopeful that your words will help give me permission to let those things go!

  10. Michelle says

    August 12, 2014 at

    Thank you! I’m a new homeschooler, (starting AFTER Labor Day, ‘cuz we finally can!) and I’ll take this post to heart. I know I’ll make mistakes, and do things that aren’t me, but I’m hopeful that your words will help give me permission to let those things go!

  11. Rachel Reeves says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Thank you so much for this timely message. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and beginning to homeschool my 1st grader this year {next week!}. I need to remember that a manufactured homeschool is not a delightful one-a AUTHENTIC one is! Praise the Lord for this message, today!

  12. Rachel Reeves says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Thank you so much for this timely message. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and beginning to homeschool my 1st grader this year {next week!}. I need to remember that a manufactured homeschool is not a delightful one-a AUTHENTIC one is! Praise the Lord for this message, today!

  13. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Aww! Thank Myah! And what is the with the doorbell?! I need a robot butler, I think 😉

  14. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Aww! Thank Myah! And what is the with the doorbell?! I need a robot butler, I think 😉

  15. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Yes!

  16. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Yes!

  17. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Ugh. Totally. Teeew-tally. 😉

    I love your most recent post, but the way! Is everyone reading candidkay, because she’s the best!

  18. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Ugh. Totally. Teeew-tally. 😉

    I love your most recent post, but the way! Is everyone reading candidkay, because she’s the best!

  19. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Hooray for letting go. I think homeschoolers need to claim that Frozen song. Of course, I haven’t seen the movie, but I assume it wasn’t written directly for us? 😉

  20. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Hooray for letting go. I think homeschoolers need to claim that Frozen song. Of course, I haven’t seen the movie, but I assume it wasn’t written directly for us? 😉

  21. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Aww. Congratulations! Be good to you, Rachel. I promise the homeschool stuff will work out 🙂

  22. ksawrites says

    August 14, 2014 at

    Aww. Congratulations! Be good to you, Rachel. I promise the homeschool stuff will work out 🙂

  23. molly says

    August 14, 2014 at

    I love this, Kara! Thank you! I’ve tried the no paper towels situ, and the no plastic straws (paper straws just don’t work well w munchkins!), and circle time, and so many other things that I thought should be *our* thing. But, thankfully, I’ve learned to let go when they just don’t work for us 🙂 Your reminder and encouragement is perfectly timed as we ease back into more schooling! xo

  24. molly says

    August 14, 2014 at

    I love this, Kara! Thank you! I’ve tried the no paper towels situ, and the no plastic straws (paper straws just don’t work well w munchkins!), and circle time, and so many other things that I thought should be *our* thing. But, thankfully, I’ve learned to let go when they just don’t work for us 🙂 Your reminder and encouragement is perfectly timed as we ease back into more schooling! xo

  25. Carrie Willard says

    August 16, 2014 at

    I’m thinking of that scene with Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (which has my favorite quote, ever, about homeschooling or life in general) in which he tells Will about his wife and how she farted when she was nervous. Or rather, fahted (Boston accent). And she fahted when she slept. How this was “the good stuff” and not our flaws. Love that.

  26. Carrie Willard says

    August 16, 2014 at

    I’m thinking of that scene with Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (which has my favorite quote, ever, about homeschooling or life in general) in which he tells Will about his wife and how she farted when she was nervous. Or rather, fahted (Boston accent). And she fahted when she slept. How this was “the good stuff” and not our flaws. Love that.

  27. Emmie says

    August 21, 2014 at

    Your posts make me laugh out loud so often. Thanks for the reminder and the happiness.

  28. Emmie says

    August 21, 2014 at

    Your posts make me laugh out loud so often. Thanks for the reminder and the happiness.

  29. Annie says

    August 22, 2014 at

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are launching into our 6 year homeschooling and I’m wondering why I ever thought swimming against the current would get easier. Sure, people have stopped asking in horrified tones what we will do for socialization, but other things have emerged and it’s still work. Work that I want to do. Thank you for the reminder to be me. I smiled at the thought that some people’s thing might be being miserable. That’s good stuff!

  30. Annie says

    August 22, 2014 at

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are launching into our 6 year homeschooling and I’m wondering why I ever thought swimming against the current would get easier. Sure, people have stopped asking in horrified tones what we will do for socialization, but other things have emerged and it’s still work. Work that I want to do. Thank you for the reminder to be me. I smiled at the thought that some people’s thing might be being miserable. That’s good stuff!

  31. Rebeca Jones says

    August 23, 2014 at

    This is excellent, Kara. This article is circulating on FB among my co-op friends and I’m so glad. You are a talented writer and your message here is so needed! I can’t wait to explore more of your site. Grace and peace to you today!

  32. Rebeca Jones says

    August 23, 2014 at

    This is excellent, Kara. This article is circulating on FB among my co-op friends and I’m so glad. You are a talented writer and your message here is so needed! I can’t wait to explore more of your site. Grace and peace to you today!

  33. Andrea Osborne says

    August 18, 2015 at

    I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Thank you SO MUCH, Kara. I don’t homeschool, but I’m still in a panic about my daughter starting 5th grade next week. I ALWAYS compare myself to the other mothers and figure I must be doing something wrong. But reading this lets me know that it’s OKAY that I love taking my daughter to the art museum but hate being a social scheduler. I’m into letting her make artwork out of almost everything in our house, but I’m not going to be a PTA groupie. I like hot tea, not coffee. I’m just not into classical music most of the time, but I do love to read any and everytihng. I need to embrace what’s me and stop worrying about the things that just aren’t my thing. Whew. You just took A LOT of pressure off my shoulders. Thank you!

  34. Andrea Osborne says

    August 18, 2015 at

    I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Thank you SO MUCH, Kara. I don’t homeschool, but I’m still in a panic about my daughter starting 5th grade next week. I ALWAYS compare myself to the other mothers and figure I must be doing something wrong. But reading this lets me know that it’s OKAY that I love taking my daughter to the art museum but hate being a social scheduler. I’m into letting her make artwork out of almost everything in our house, but I’m not going to be a PTA groupie. I like hot tea, not coffee. I’m just not into classical music most of the time, but I do love to read any and everytihng. I need to embrace what’s me and stop worrying about the things that just aren’t my thing. Whew. You just took A LOT of pressure off my shoulders. Thank you!

  35. ksawrites says

    August 18, 2015 at

    Aww! Yeah 🙂 That makes my day Andrea.

  36. ksawrites says

    August 18, 2015 at

    Aww! Yeah 🙂 That makes my day Andrea.

  37. Tara McGovern says

    August 18, 2015 at

    This is such an important message. Thank you. Sharing with my homeschool group…

  38. Tara McGovern says

    August 18, 2015 at

    This is such an important message. Thank you. Sharing with my homeschool group…

  39. Ellie says

    December 16, 2016 at

    What a wonderful reminder! My crazy is who I am. I’ve tried planning out our year, only to scrap in a week after I spent HOURS researching and planning.

  40. Aubrey Carey says

    May 5, 2017 at

    I think about the hours spent researching, planning, the amount of money spent- I feel almost wasteful and like I have to stick it out with these things for awhile, even if they arent me or arent my child’s thing?
    BUT as a first time homeschooler, who has spent WAY too many hours and dollars on things that are NOT me, i appreciate this post. I know its an old one, but this is the first time Ive read it.
    Im sitting down to make a list of “my things” and my children’s “things”, as I look over the random assortment of materials Ive gathered and now need to get rid of, while planning for next year.
    My Pinterest boards are like a snapshot of just how much I try to be someone Im not but think I am SUPPOSED to be:)
    Im going to delete all the crafty projects Ill never do, get rid of the curriculum that doesnt suit our style, and try not to feel bad about it but chalk it up to a learnibg experience.
    I do feel bad about my son having such a disjointed and inconsistent 3rd grade year this year, we switched from one thing to the next so much. Ive finally found our lang arts and math fit- but now we will have to school through the summer to get him through the 3rd grade material in both.

  41. Jess says

    December 31, 2017 at

    Old words, but still so true and such great reminders! Thank you (as always)!

  42. Shelly Todd says

    September 5, 2020 at

    How do you always, every year just know the right thing to say to this veteran homeschool mama? It’s spooky cool and I am soooo grateful! Happy Fall!

  43. Kelly says

    November 4, 2020 at

    We share our things! But the things you hate are not the things I hate. I appreciate this article and the advice, thank you.

  44. Rachel R. says

    June 7, 2021 at

    Hello Kara! I recently discovered you from watching a video on Introverted Moms. The bread/paper towel examples were so good–I too have been guilty of that copying before. And haha yes, homeschooling in the ’80s would have been something. Love your perspective and challenge to figure out what matters to us.

Trackbacks

  1. Homeschooling Essentialism: Make Things Simple Again | The Homeschool Sisters Podcast says:
    May 9, 2017 at

    […] Still, sometimes I make homeschooling more complicated than it needs to be. I’ll see something another homeschooling family is doing, and think we need to do that too. I will forget about our particular strengths and weaknesses, and try to do something that isn’t our thing. […]

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