Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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Our school year fizzled – now what?

by Kara S. Anderson 8 Comments

Dear Kara, 

I guess our school year is over. Honestly, it just kind of fizzled. I couldn’t find it in me to really celebrate or anything, but the kids are glad to be done with school, and it just seems like time to move on. 

I’m worried, though. My kids missed classes. Our co-op just ended one week and never restarted, and this has been hard so that we didn’t finish our math curriculum.

So what do I do? Do I start where we left off in the fall? Do my kids begin in the grade they were in all last year and move on in October or November? Or should we just homeschool through summer?

– Love, M

Dear M, 

You sound tired. 

I don’t say that in a mean way. 

Sometimes, when I don’t wear concealer, people tell me, “You look tired,” and I want to shout: BECAUSE I AM.

ALL MOMS ARE.

STOP COMMENTING ON MY LOOKS AND BRING ME A CASSEROLE SO I CAN TAKE A NAP.

So when I say you sound tired, I’m not judging. You deserve to be tired. 

I think this year, especially, we all feel like instead of chugging to the finish line, we had to pull the broken train behind us like solo sled dogs.

We’ve arrived at the end of this race sweaty and exhausted, but that’s kind of normal for homeschool mamas.

Only this year – this year we also dragged fear and overwhelm and worry that we didn’t do enough with us as we crossed the finish line. 

Everything continues to feel heavy and burdensome. Friends and I have been talking this week about how tiny things feel so hard. I placed an Amazon order last week and got two of the same book, the wrong size phone case and a screen protector for my watch that was so irksome I just gave up and shoved it and everything else into a box to worry about later.

Can I make a suggestion? I think that’s kind of what we need to do with this school year.

I think we need to put it in a box for a bit. Or maybe a closet. And then we need to step away.

You’ve probably learned A LOT

As I write this, we’ve been at home here (Illinois) for 77 days. 

And during that time, we’ve all been forced to learn a lot.

We’ve given haircuts and made cleaning supplies and inventoried our pantry and tracked virus stats and baked bread and figured out how to do everything online, from therapy appointments to classes to bank deposits and shipping.

We’ve celebrated Easter and three family birthdays and Mother’s Day, and tried to navigate how to make those special in a pandemic.

We’ve bathed our groceries and sprayed door handles and maneuvered long-distance health care for a loved one, and tracked down obscure medical supplies and masks and made do.

My World War II ration book. I got it from Ebay.

 

Making do is a whole lesson unto itself, and led us in a direction of studying World War II and rationing. Meanwhile, I’ve been engrossed in World War II fiction myself because every book I read set in the Blitz reminds me of how strong we are as humans, and that we can deal with big scary things with humanity and kindness.

So honestly – I’m going to say it – I’m sick of learning.

Cash in your chips

Learning constantly is exhausting.

It’s so tiring that we bought a rice cooker, and my daughter figured it out and makes rice all the time now, and I still don’t know how to work it. It’s not complicated – you just add the right amount of rice and water and push a button, but this is the point I’m at.

I’m done. I’m cashing out. Please meet me at the buffet where I will be eating 7 different deserts.

So M – this is what I say to you:

Take a breath.

For a little while, stop the hustle. 

Put everything school-related in a closet and tell yourself you’ll check back in a month or two when you feel like a person again.

If this feels scary – remind yourself – you are not the only one whose school year went drastically off the rails.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were out walking and we ran into an acquaintance of my husband’s who is a high school teacher. My husband asked how things were going with distance learning:

“Half the kids don’t show up, and the other half can’t pay attention anyway. And because the governor recorded these as Act of God days, we can’t penalize them for not showing up or doing the work. 

“But,” he said, pointing at his bike, “I’m finally getting in shape.”

A homeschool mama makes these lovely candles. Find her here: https://www.instagram.com/pinehill_candle_co/

A minute to just be

And there you have it, M.

As things start opening back up around the country, we have a lot to process. Families are grieving. People are still scared. There is a lot that’s still unknown.

In fact again, as I write this, this is what I know: William and Kate will not be sending their kids back to school! 

But here’s what I don’t know: How England’s school year works.

And again, did I mention, I’M TIRED OF LEARNING NEW THINGS RIGHT NOW.

So breathe with me, M.

Take a minute to just be.

You can’t effectively plan for the future right now. You can’t change the past few months. If anything, this has shown us that trying to control everything is a little fruitless, right?

Hug your kids. Do what you can. Be good to each other.

That’s all I’ve got.

But maybe that’s all we need?

This post contains affiliate links.

Filed Under: Home, Homeschooling, Mama Self-Care, Motherhood/Parenting

Comments

  1. Nicole says

    May 28, 2020 at

    I. Love. You.
    That’s pretty much my comment but I thought just that might seem weird. 😂 I needed this exactly. We limped to our 180 days this year. Not only was their a pandemic (like that wasn’t enough) our school went off the rails back in December when my son got encephalitis and basically life hasn’t been normal since. I’m exhausted, stress has me having migraines more than once a week, oh and my doctor’s office has closed down due to lack of funds because the pandemic has no one going for norm things. So yeah, we limped and I’m tired of learning. I feel guilty like we need to do this math over the summer, and they need to read, and they spent too much time on the Switch yesterday despite the fact a tropical storm literally formed off our cost and came in within like 24 hours… I think? I kind of skimmed the story about the storm actually but it’s why we had so much rain I guess. So thank you for this.

  2. Donae says

    May 28, 2020 at

    Oh my gosh! This question could have easily been written by me! So thankful that I happened upon it today. Yesterday, after weeks of school done poorly, school done halfway, and on and on I just out and out declared it “summer”. I have to say that declaration was incredibly anticlimactic seeing as we basically just limped to the finish line, but it feels good to say that we’re done for now.

  3. Becky O says

    May 29, 2020 at

    I can’t say our school year limped to an end. We normally homeschool year-round over here. But, Daddy is home. Being an IT Director of a school, he has been working from home…in our living room…where we homeschool. Our small house has all of us in one spot. He helps, but we have found ourselves doing much less school and more family things. I am both totally ok and worried about that. Math is taking a back seat but our family is so close!! We are loving more time together. My husband gently reminds me that he may never have a year like this again, where he is able to have so much beloved time with them. So, math takes a back seat and we are spending our time together. And I’m ok with that. Next, year, I might panic. Lol

  4. Melissa says

    May 29, 2020 at

    Sometimes it feels like you’re looking in my window, but you write just what I need to hear, so it’s all good. Thank you for this.

  5. Lisa says

    May 29, 2020 at

    Big *exhale*. I loved your reply to this Kara. This past week, I was also taking stock of things. People always talk about the importance of “meeting your kids where they’re at”, and boy is this the perfect time to practice that tip!
    And also? The first few chapters of every math book are review anyway. So it’s ok to close up your math book a few chapters early and start the next level in the fall…. because the publishers have it covered for you!
    Thank you for always reminding us to put our people first xoxo

  6. Amanda says

    May 29, 2020 at

    Great post. Thank you! I’ve been taking a deep dive into WW2 fiction for the same reason. Do you have any recommendations ?

  7. Becky says

    May 29, 2020 at

    Thank you for this.

  8. [email protected] says

    June 5, 2020 at

    Right now I’m reading The Secrets of a Charmed Life. So far, so good! 🙂

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Hey there!

I’m Kara – writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with the overdue books.

 

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karastephensonanderson

kara s anderson
It’s safer on the shore, right? The women stayi It’s safer on the shore, right?

The women staying in the house next to us saw me, camera in hand, safe in the sand …

“You’re the smart one,” a small, tanned mother of a 36-year-old daughter said.

Another chuckled and told us she regularly paddle boards across the bay with a wine glass balanced on the bow, salad on the stern …

The women were different from one another; friends for a long time, you could just tell, spending a month together at the beach, taking turns making simple, beautiful, rustic dinners, like pasta in a giant serving bowl and fresh artichokes.

🌊

“I think I want to try,” I told my friends, after some time waiting, watching … photographing the most gorgeous sunset.

Fear (anxiety) will make us well aware of all the risks, except maybe the risk of missing big, defining moments.
 
🌊 

I got back to shore and shook for 90 minutes. 

It was scary. 

It was so much.

🌊 packing
🌊making my bus
🌊checking my bag
🌊security
🌊flying
🌊going in the ocean
🌊feeling too far from the shore
🌊saying exactly what was in my heart

💙

It’s probably safer on the shore.

It’s probably safer at home. 

My body tells me that all the time, especially during the past two years - it’s pulled to what feels secure.💙

And yet. 

It’s different than with plants. 

We can’t grow if we stay rooted.

We can’t float if we don’t trust that we’ll be held once brave enough to take the first steps away from the shore.

🌊

“You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,”

-Mary Oliver

🌊

I don’t know if I could ever really explain to someone without anxiety how scary the past few days were, while also being some of the best of my life. 💙

I’m immensely grateful.
Sometimes you meet someone - not in person, but ac Sometimes you meet someone - not in person, but across the miles - and there’s just a connection.

I think it was Erin’s enthusiasm for reading Harry Potter with her kids and coming up with creative HP ⚡️ learning activities that made me realize she and I were meant to meet, even if it was only virtually.

Last week Erin, 42, wife and homeschool mom to two and a fellow animal lover was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Word spread quickly in the homeschool community. Erin - @erin_vincent35 - writes at Nourishing My Scholar, @chalkpastelart and Simple Homeschool.

She has been giving in the homeschool community for years - support, encouragement and tips for connecting with your kids through homeschooling.

We’re doing a GoFundMe for Erin. I’ll make it the link in my bio.

We want to help her raise money for treatment and to help her family through this.

If you’re inclined, you can donate, but you can also share her GoFundMe and that helps too.

Every little bit helps. 💜💜

Thank you, friends. 

We love you, Erin! 💜💜
Hi. I finally wrote a thing about transcripts fo Hi. 

I finally wrote a thing about transcripts for when you are unschooly.

This is just based on my experience with one kid, but I’m happy to try to answer any questions.

But two important things: first, our homeschooling here has been messy/successful - succmessful 💙

It’s worked for us. But it isn’t fancy, and so this transcript style isn’t either.

Second, for the love, remember - if you’ve been hanging out for me for any amount of time, the most important thing is our relationship with our kids.

So keep college in its place.

It’s not a contest. What you really want (I bet) is a place your kid will thrive without having to morph into some Bret Easton Ellis character, right?
 
Too far? 😉 

Post: karasanderson.com/transcripts/
Before. And after 🥰🥰 And a lil grid with h Before.

And after 🥰🥰

And a lil grid with headbands from our dear Jen - @thequirkydaisy 💜

(I ended up being able to donate 14 inches. Thank you for the advice about where to donate!)

P.S. Yes, @vanessanwright is also wearing our twin sweater today. 😂💟
OK. That was fun. Everything feels so different t OK. That was fun.

Everything feels so different than it did just 24 hours ago - in the best way. 🎓

I think we needed to do a thing. 🤷‍♀️ I think we needed a stop-point. 

Anyway, it was good, and I’m grateful and man, I love this kid. 💙🧡

P.S. Very glad I bought sparkly hats and a themed teddy bear.

I don’t know much about party planning, but these were wise investments, I think.
Hi. I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son Hi.

I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son’s graduation party and I’m not even close to fine, like … I find myself just sort of stuck here again, unable to do normal things like eat the salad I just made.

I was talking to my friend Jenn about this launching kids thing, and she said to be OK with both parts - to feel both parts.

The two parts are that yes, I am happy for my son and excited and this is true. This isn’t me trying to be happy. It’s real.

But also, I feel like I’m in a slow motion “emotional plane crash” - Jenn’s words.

She said I need to feel both, and *show* both - let both out - and that’s been the problem, I think.

I’m afraid to show the sad part. The scared part.

I’m afraid of those feelings being downplayed or dismissed by people who don’t get the complexity. 

I’m afraid of those things overshadowing the joy.

But then Jenn, without me saying any of that, saw it and got it and I realized maybe it would help to share all this, because maybe another mom will read this and feel seen and understood and know that she’s not alone in the beautiful, heartbreaking both of it all 🤍
I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morn I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morning Sidekick Journal.

A while back, I was talking to someone about needing a schedule, and she said, I think what you really need is to set your priorities each day 🤯

So I bought this journal I’ve been eyeing for a while that helps you create a consistent morning routine.

Then, the last step of my morning routine is to plan out my day in my bullet journal, and star the 3 most important things.

This little journal has already helped so much. I feel so much more focused and that helps me feel less anxious.

I highly, highly recommend this system, especially if like me, you like/ need accountability + have a hard time creating realistic routines and making them stick. 🌟

I’ll put a link in my bio for you! 

P.S. my erasable Frixion Color Stick pens pair perfectly with this. 🌟
I don’t really have anything to say except my fr I don’t really have anything to say except my friend Kym sent me these amazing Wonder Woman cuffs and I’m not taking them off.

I shall sleep in them.

They are so cool that my teens like them.

Also, some people see us.

Today we went to drop off a gift to one of my son’s college professor because she is special. She *gets* him. 

And fun fact: I was in one of her first classes when she started teaching.

Back then, she admits she tried to be tough, but it didn’t work. Caring was better.

Caring is better.

Let the people who care in and love them like crazy. 💙

Signed, 
My 5-year-old self who is still part of me and having the best day of her life.
Hey-o! It’s my birthday, and I always like to c Hey-o!

It’s my birthday, and I always like to celebrate by having a thing over at my site. 🧁💗🥳

➡️

The secret password is MAYSALE22

OK. Love you. Bye!
Such a sweet birthday 💗🧁 I’ll put a link Such a sweet birthday 💗🧁

I’ll put a link in my bio to the Frixion pens. The cute animal ones are from Target! 

P.S. Site-wide sale starts 5/9 at karasanderson.com

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