Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

The golden morning routine that changed everything

by Kara S. Anderson 1 Comment

Part of me wanted to shout about this from the rooftops weeks ago. That’s how excited I was.

But, I wanted to wait to see if this new thing wasn’t just a temporary boost – a little oomph that would fade and I would end up back where I so often am, feeling disorganized, frustrated, and worn out.

Running around with no end goals or guideposts in place is exhausting, right?

How do we know if we’re even accomplishing ANYTHING?

And as moms, we need those success markers sometimes, I think. So much of what we’re doing is on desperate repeat – dishes, laundry, bedtime, repeat …

So much of our work takes time to show itself. Are we raising wonderful, creative, loving people, or will our beloved little ones grow up and turn into Catfish villains?

A solid morning routine

And so today, finally, I want to share with you the morning routine that has changed everything.

I’m trying to think if that’s hyperbole, and I really don’t think it is. Having a solid morning routine has helped me to feel more organized, more put-together, which makes me more confident.

It’s helped me feel stronger, calmer and it feels easier to deal with the constant disruptions (eruptions) that happen during a mom’s day.

So yes – I’m going with it.

This routine has been gold for me. Maybe it will be for you too?

Or maybe my routine will serve as a template for you to create your own golden routine.

In fact, I’m making a free printable to help you do just that.

>>Grab it here<<

Why routine?

I thrive with routine, but I am terrible at creating and implementing routines. Which means in order to a create a brand new, successful, sustainable morning routine, I started by cruising around Pinterest for about a week.

Honestly – it’s all an algorithm over there, so the minute you click on one routine post, 7,000 more auto-populate (along with ads for bras and Activia yogurt.)

This is when I started a little larceny.

When I saw a morning idea that sounded good, I stole it and put it on a list.

I did this for a while. It was a good list.

A BIG list.

Then I considered what I needed.

I needed – no, I wanted more intentional mornings.

Clearly, the entire list was not for me. If Essentialism has taught me anything, it’s that we have to be careful what we bring in.

It’s like our cars, right? They’re not very large. So we bring in 22 travel mugs and 15 books and 11 granola bars, plus things our kids need – whoops – and it’s all overwhelming.

Whatever we say yes to, it means we’re saying no to other things.

And I have other things that are important like work and homeschooling my kids and cooking meals and literally herding cats. I’m sure you have your things too.

So Rule No. 1 is to not create an insane, unattainable morning routine.

If you can’t get enough sleep, or if you are trying to fit in too much before your kids wake up, it’s going to take about 3 days for the whole routine to seem like too much and like maybe it was a bad idea in the first place, and on Day 4 maybe you’ll just sleep in until someone wakes you by handing you their diaper.

Routines and Seasons

Speaking of which I am no longer in the diaper days, but I remember them well, and back then, if some lady on the internet would have shared a routine like I’m about to share, I would have told her to eat a glass salad.

It’s important to keep in mind that life has seasons, and in some seasons you’ll be able to do more in certain areas, and in others you’ll need to do less in those areas and that’s just being human.

So another option is that you can break up your morning routine, and make it more of a daily routine.

I actually think this can be helpful for moms with small kids and moms doing a lot of hands-on homeschooling with their kids.

Some kids need A LOT. And this past year especially, we’ve all given a lot as parents.

So it might be handy to add in smaller routines throughout the day to help maintain your energy, your patience and your, um … sanity.

Maybe you exercise for 10-20 minutes in the morning, read a book after lunch, and hide in the tub before bed.

Whatever YOU need. However YOU can get it.

Different needs

Speaking of which, we all have different needs and different things that fill us up.

Take some time to consider what you need. Envision your perfect morning, then remember that you have a dog and three cats and two kids and the plumber is coming and someone has to make breakfast.

Still, I highly recommend doing what I did and taking a bit of time to brainstorm what could help you best.

They say that what you do in the morning sets the tone for the day, and sometimes I want to punch people who say things like that, but as much as it’s possible, it is nice to imagine a pleasant morning, and see what we can do to make that happen as regularly as possible.*

*Not all the time because 6 months ago someone made dentist appointments at 8:15. Ahem.

It’s starts with waking

Here’s the part where I tell you you need to stop using your phone as your alarm clock, but don’t worry, what I really mean is stop using your phone’s built-in, obnoxious-arse ringtones to wake up.

None of them are pleasant. Most are like some kind of MacGyver-era count-down until the nuclear reactor blows.

They’re startling, and that’s NOT a good way to wake up.

Instead, I have two options. The first is to download some pleasant ringtones or an album that is calming, and use the songs on the album as ringtones. My friend Carla recommended this album and it’s the best for ringtonification.

Another option is a peaceful alarm clock that wakes you up slowly and gently using light and/or friendly noise. My mom bought me this one for my birthday and I love it. It’s also a sleep machine, reading light and plays meditations and simple yoga routines.

I think my Hatch helps me get to sleep better too, and that sets me up for better mornings.

The first thing I do

The first thing I do when I wake up to my Nordic Sunrise and Tibetan Bells (really!) is think of 10 things I am grateful for.

I know that sounds like a lot, but it continues to get easier. And I often list some of the same things.

Don’t worry – it’s not a pop quiz, it’s just a really lovely way to start your day.

Research shows that gratitude helps release dopamine and serotonin, two feel-good hormones.

It also, “regulates the sympathetic nervous system that activates our anxiety responses, and at the psychological level, it conditions the brain to filter the negative ruminations and focus on the positive thoughts,” according to PositivePsychology.com.

And it takes less than a minute and you can literally do it with your eyes closed.

Next Steps

This is when my morning routine really kicks into gear.

I brush my teeth, <— (I have a toothbrush crush), put in my contacts and wash my face, then I spend 5 minutes tidying my bedroom, opening my windows or shades to let in light, and then light a candle.

I feed the cats and start tea, then bring my little teapot and a mug upstairs and meditate.

My favorite app for meditation is Insight Timer.

Next, I journal for three pages.

I like these simple notebooks because they are less expensive than a hardbound version (plus you get three in a set) and if I get really angsty, I can toss it in the fireplace when I’m done.

(I journal in bed, so I use a lap desk. These are also great for portable work and homeschooling.)

I got the three pages idea from this book, but you could do one page if you are short on time or skip this all together. I just feel like getting feelings out on paper is really cathartic for me.

After that, I take my medicine, vitamins and have breakfast. (Usually a smoothie – use this link for $25 off Daily Harvest.)

Always have a daily to-do list

Then I start on my daily to do list.

I don’t always get to everything on my to-do list, and I purposely keep my to-do lists small. But if I don’t have one at all, it’s a hot mess in a dress situation, so I make one every day.

For a long time I would do a to-do list on a Post-It note, but then I bought one of these notebooks and now I use the front “dashboard” with a dry erase marker.

Is it that easy?

Yes. That’s it.

My new morning routine

All of this – especially the gentle start and the to-do list, set me up to have a brighter, clearer, less stressful day.

I know that as my kids get going and I check email, things are going to get busy. But with a good start, it all feels more manageable.

How to use your phone to make your morning better

Speaking of which, you’ll notice I don’t check social media or email until after my morning routine.

This itself has helped so much.

I used to wake up and it was like a starter pistol had gone off. I was instantly overwhelmed by questions and to-dos.

Now I only use my phone for my meditation app, to check my calendar when making my to-do list, and listening to playlists.

What to do next

Wonder what to do next? Download the free printable here and start brainstorming:

Remember, it may take a bit of time to craft what works best for you.

But stay at it, before long, you’ll have better mornings that will lead to more peaceful days.

Big news! Kara’s book More Than Enough is now available in paperback:

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Creating a basic daily checklist (FREE printable)

by Kara S. Anderson Leave a Comment

Last week, I was feeling overwhelmed.

This is nothing new.

I am often overwhelmed.

But lately, I’ve been feeling particularly nervous. I have anxiety, and when it comes to fight/flight or freeze, I’m a popsicle.

Some days, just making a full daily plan is too much.

(Other times, it’s what saves me.)

Prioritizing self-care

My therapist has recommended focusing on self-care, but How? When?

So I decided to create a checklist.

The first version was like 62 things long.

I want to tell you – a daily checklist with too many things on it is pointless, especially when you’re anxious. We must practice some Essentialism here.

So I created a bare-bones, simple list.

And then I decided I’d share it, in case you feel overwhelmed right now too.

Something I want to point out – this list has stars on it. There’s a reason for that.

I want you to remember that you are already doing a lot. You’re already getting a lot right. If you got a star for each time you found the blue sippy cup, or smiled at your kids, or remembered to order something your family needs, you would be sparkling like the sun.

So please don’t put more pressure on yourself with this list.

But if you are going days at a time forgetting basics like drinking water and taking your vitamins, I hope this will help.

Here is my list for now:

Hanging On

A LOT of us are hanging on by a thread.

We are homeschooling and parenting. Many of us are caring for parents or other loved ones, dealing with mental health issues, trying to help kids navigate huge feelings and otherwise just trying to do our best.

My hope with this free printable is that it will give you structure and get things out of your head.

Grab your free printable here.

Kara

This post contains affiliate links.

 

Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches

by Kara S. Anderson 15 Comments

At the end of my grandmother’s very long life, the early days of mothering were still very important to her.

I know this because she chose to include two items in her obituary: room mother, and cub scout den leader.

My grandmother lived for 94 full years. She went to college, she traveled, and after her husband died unexpectedly in the 70s, she managed a family on her own.

She started a business; she volunteered.

And when she helped to write her obituary, she included these items with equal value.

Never discount the importance of these days in the trenches.

***

I was talking with a friend recently about meeting new people, and awkward small talk – specifically how to explain to strangers what we do all day. And maybe even more challenging – why we do it.

Although homeschooling becomes more popular all the time, we are still early settlers – maybe not pioneers, but the next generation – the ones who know a little about the land and what we should plant, but we’re still building and developing community.

Before kids, I didn’t imagine myself as a homeschooler. But I did want to be a room mother.

And so when I unexpectedly got laid off at 9 months pregnant, I took it as a sign.

The larger my baby grew inside me, the more he squished my heart up into my throat, I think. It became hard for me not to shout that I didn’t want to go back to full-time work.

I loved my job, but I knew that my particular career choice was not going to be well-suited to balanced motherhood.

And I wanted to get to be a mom too, not just a newspaper lady with a kid in the background.

***

Have you been watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

Where are her kids?

I mean, I love it – I do. But was it like this in the late 50s? Kids neither seen nor heard?

Not for Grandma Lois.

Her children were a joy to her. My Aunt Chris told a story over Christmas about boy scouts dipping candles in their old kitchen, in their family home.

She remembers her mother this way. She also remembers living room tents and slumber parties with cousins and picnics …

Her boys remember taking off on bikes and their mom telling them to have fun and stay out of the creek.

She was there.

***

We are HERE with our kids. That’s what hard to explain, I guess, to people who don’t understand homeschooling.

It’s part about school, and part about just life.

It’s a little about math, and a lot about errands, really.

Can I tell you a secret, though? My son and I have the best talks while running errands.

***

I woke up this morning with two thoughts – the first was that I wanted to write about my grandmother, and what I noted in her obituary – that the early years of mothering mattered to her, continued to matter to her as she looked back over along life …

It sort of stuck out to me like a flashing beacon, and what it said is that this is not time wasted.

The second thought was that I have a Day in the Life post due soon to a site where I contribute, and I’m worried about it. Every year, I find it harder and harder to quantify what we do here.

My kids are 11 and 14, with birthdays in the next few weeks. They are their own people in many ways, and I am simply their support person.

They are doing their own thing a lot of the time, and so am I.

Is that OK? Is that enough?

***

I had a 3-year-old person visit recently.

I’m pretty sure I was in the second-best shape of my life when I had a 3-year-old (only after when I was an athlete training 4 hours per day).

In the time she was here, I was up and down a lot from my chair.

We pulled stuff off shelves and out of the fridge, and I started to remember what it had been like back in the very earliest days …

I’m not sure I could get through that kind of intensity again.

My husband had a really demanding boss, and we were still figuring a lot out. I can remember taking my own 3-year-old and infant to my annual gynecologist appointment, because I didn’t have a support system.

My 3-year-old narrated.

It was eye-opening for both of us.

For a long time, I was surviving.

***

Back then, I wondered frequently if I was doing the right thing. I was an exhausted and stressed mom, who was running on empty all the time.

I knew I wasn’t at my best, and so I wondered how I could possibly be giving my best.

Pre-school was a respite for me, and when it didn’t work, I wasn’t sure that I could manage homeschooling a precocious kid while caring for a baby.

I tried, and we sent him back to school after the first few months.

***

And then we tried again and it stuck.

But I still get scared sometimes.

Now I am a busy mom, who is trying to balance work and school and life.

What if this has all been a mistake? That’s what hits me at 3 in the morning.

That my kids still need to work on handwriting. That we are behind in math.

That I am failing them.

***

And so what Grandma Lois reminded me is that being here is important.

That’s not about homeschooling.

That’s just parenting.

Being here is about listening, and laughing together, and being counsel and silly what-if conversations on the way to the bank.

So even when we get scared about the homeschooling part, maybe we can find some comfort in the other part?

Maybe we can remember that at the end, that will matter.

“She has watched every moment of your life, almost, and she loves you as God does, to the marrow of your bones.” – Gilead

***

And so in our days with our kids, maybe we can shift our focus:

  • Maybe we can try to smile more.
  • Maybe we can do more projects, whether or not they are “school.”
  • Maybe we can watch TV and movies together.
  • Maybe we can go boring places, but talk on the way there.
  • Maybe we can have more picnics.
  • Maybe we can build more tent cities.
  •  

Maybe, we can just love our kids as they are. Grandma Lois had an incredible way of doing just that.

In fact, she taught me a lot about how to love people well.

So that is what I strive for each day here. To see my people. To love them. To be here.

These years in the trenches matter.

In fact, when we look back, they may feel like what mattered the most.

This post contains affiliate links.

 

Invisible balls (we’re all making trade-offs)

by Kara S. Anderson 3 Comments

The world is littered with invisible balls.

We don’t see them; we’re too busy trying to keep our own balls in the air anyway – you know all the balls:

  • parenting
  • homeschooling
  • marriage
  • food
  • home
  • pets
  • work
  • extended family
  • exercise
  • special occasion planning
  • appointments
  • bills
  • vehicles
  • and on and on …

Not all of us are juggling the same balls, but all of us are trying to keep multiple things going at any given moment.

Until, we drop one.

An invisible ball rolls away, like the meatball from “On Top of Spaghetti” – it careens off toward an adventure, while we stay where we are, trying to keep the other balls up, unable to give chase to the one that ran away.

Can you imagine if we could see all the balls?

Maybe it would help.

Because what we so often forget is that ALL of us – every one of us – is forced to make trade-offs all the time.

We either drop the balls or we put them down:

Maybe we work, so we trade-off growing a garden.

Maybe we need to exercise, so we trade-off laundry.

Maybe we’re caring for an aging parent, so we trade off home-cooked meals.

Sometimes, the trade-offs change by the month or week or day.

They have to.

I repeat: They HAVE TO.

But what I warn mamas about is that there are a few things that we don’t want to trade-off. Those things are sleep, sanity and relationships.

That’s what this week’s Instagram Live was all about, plus wonderful advice from a friend, plus why we need to stop comparing.

To hear about some of the things that Cait and I trade off on the regular, tune in to this week’s episode of The Homeschool Sisters Podcast.

This book is no longer free, but is available for purchase here.

And be sure to follow me on Instagram for more videos!