Kara S. Anderson

Homeschool connection, not perfection.

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Do you need a (homeschool) full stop?

by Kara S. Anderson 32 Comments

This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you purchase anything through them, I receive a small commission that is very much appreciated. Thanks!

I heard something kind of life-changing this week:

If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, step back and cut out everything that isn’t a necessity. ~ Crystal Paine

I wasn’t looking for this piece of advice. I found it in the course of doing my job.

And to be clear, this advice goes directly against everything that I’ve believed in for a very long time.

stop4picmo

Because the only answer to exhaustion and overwhelm is to make a list, and do everything on it as quickly as possible. Duh.

That’s what I’ve always done. For years.

As a student.

In my career.

As a busy homeschooling mama.

Do. Do. Do.

And then do some more. (Because plate clearing and task-tackling is the only way to get things back under control, right?)

I mean the idea that what you really need is to stop? And then do less?

Right.

And then I’ll fly my diamond-encrusted jet to Turks and Caicos for the weekend.

stop2

But something about those words really struck me. Like a soul song.

Like in that moment, those words were just for me, and at any second they could disappear forever, so I better grab hold …

And so, I considered things, and slowly, it occurred to me that technically, I had completed my necessary work for that day.

There was still plenty to be done. Deadlines were approaching. Someone should probably throw in some laundry.

But nothing needed to be finished at that exact moment.

And so …

And so I got a cup of tea and crumpet and I went back to bed.

My daughter quickly joined me with her knitting needles.

My son picked out a movie for us.

I looked at the stack of books by my bed, a stack that has been waiting for a rainy day, and I piled them right next to me.

This is really happening, I thought, and a little thrill coursed through me.

IMG_1793

How little could I do in one day?

I will tell you. For reference:

  • I made a frozen pizza.
  • I finished two books
  • I snuggled with my kids
  • I let our new puppy out 17 times
  • I cleaned up after our new puppy 18 times
  • I did one load of dishes and cleaned the counters
  • I cleaned the cat box
  • I read with my kids
  • I made baked potatoes and prepped toppings for a salad bar dinner, and when one of the hard-boiled eggs was being a pain in the neck and was peeled down to a tiny annoying bit of almost nothing, I gave up and pitched it to the dog
  • I ate two crumpets and drank 7 cups of tea

It felt luxurious. It felt indulgent. I went to bed in a state of calmness previously only achieved after …. Almost never.

The next day, I awoke at 5 a.m. I sat down to write, and a project I had been really struggling with came together in about an hour.

And so, I moved on to my other work and finished that. And it was still only 7 a.m.

And so …

And so I made another cup of tea and another crumpet and I went back to bed.

(I knooooow!)

My kids woke up late and came to snuggle with me.

“What do you guys want to do today?” I asked.

“Mama, can we stay at home today? Like yesterday? Can we have another slow day?”

And so I started to think about what we really needed to do that day.

We needed to homeschool. We had taken a day off yesterday (I’d decided to classify it as a Soul Fever Day, which we usually reserve for when kids are feeling off, not the mama).

We needed to get back on track.

But.

Instead of making a list and just jumping right in, I decided to ask myself: What are the absolute necessities for an easy homeschool day?

How could I make this day like yesterday, while incorporating a bit more intentional learning?

 I will tell you. For reference:

  • We did a bit of math.
  • We read together a lot.
  • My son did some programming.
  • My daughter made me a beautiful bracelet.
  • I started a knitted hat for a baby on the way.
  • We snuggled close together, and when everyone felt up to it, we went outside and played with our pup and talked about our garden.

We didn’t plant our garden, because that didn’t need to be done.

It will eventually.

Probably.

By me? I don’t know.

Because the truth is, I have been feeling really exhausted and overwhelmed lately, and I didn’t realize it until I stopped.

Soul. Song.

IMG_1829

The thing is, you’ve probably noticed, that homeschooling and parenting and homemaking are not easy ventures. They don’t stop because it’s Friday night. We don’t get to quit like Fred Flintstone when the toucan roars.

Because if you’re anything like me, even when you’re not teaching math or scrubbing the tub or talking to your kids about online safety, you’re thinking about those kinds of things.

You’re planning.

You’re maybe worrying just a little.

So today, I wanted to share with you the beauty of the full stop. The pleasure of the Soul Fever Day. The absolute transformative power of doing nothing but what you absolutely need to do, even if it’s just for an hour or two.

Because sometimes, we need to push. It’s true.

And other times, what we need most is to breathe.

At those times, I recommend tea and crumpets and a stack of good books.

I think you’ll find that a break full of nothing may give you the energy you need to move ahead once more.

Probably even stronger than before.

Filed Under: Homeschooling, Mama Self-Care, Motherhood/Parenting

Comments

  1. Life With Teens and Other Wild Things says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Thank you!!!

    I’ve been going 100mph for months now… Part of that is running from the grief of losing my sister last summer. It’s an easy trap for me to fall into, but now that I recognize it, I realize I have a lot of slowing down to do. Returning to homeschool with my son was just the first step.

    Thank you for the reminder. Good luck, Mama, and God bless.

  2. Erin says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Thank you for this – I really, REALLY needed to read it today. I’m so burned out and overwhelmed that it’s been almost crippling lately…..but today I’m going to stay in my pyjamas with the kids, make popcorn, and read and watch movies.

  3. ksawrites says

    May 27, 2015 at

    YES! Go for it. And repeat as needed. Crippling is not good, mama. I’ve been there, and I’m sending hugs your way.

  4. Kim says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Kara, I realize this will sound all weird and….well….weird. When I read your blog, it so often connects and resonates at a soul-shaking level. As in, my insides get all jittery and I start yelling “YES!” at my iPad. I’ve read selections from the blog to my husband and his comments are along the lines of “Wow, she’s your sister from another Mister!”

    I’ve been slowly crippling myself all year with a list of “have to’s” and “shoulds”. The list of things I’m trying to accomplish in any day is long and boring and awful. Is it any wonder my boys drop their heads when I announce that it’s time for school? Then I make it soooo much better by dropping some veiled references to how they’d be spending their days if they were in school. Hmm…a heavy workload, dispirited students and vague threats. Sounds like FUN!!

    Today, we’ve done nothing. We had breakfast. Did some crazy, mad Lego building. My older two are upstairs listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival and playing some convoluted game. My youngest is downstairs reading a Star Wars Lego book to me (complete with Yoda voice).

    Is the list of things we SHOULD be doing still there? Yep. Do I really care if they master subtracting and regrouping right now? Nope. We are about to have a little lunch, the walk down to the beach and spend the afternoon digging in the sand. Maybe we can subtract and regroup a few seashells!

  5. Sheila / Sure as the World says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Can I just say? This has kinda been my M.O. all year long. And actually what I’m writing about for my SH post. (You did give me free range. Lol)

    So counter-intuitive. So incredibly nourishing. So hard. So easy.

    And once again, I wish we were real life friends. Poo.

    S

  6. ksawrites says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Imagine how much fun we could have eating crumpets together, and watching the clouds float by. 🙂 I can’t wait to read your post!!

  7. ksawrites says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Aww man. This Midwest girl could use a beach day. 😉 Your comment made me think — I think we so often compare what we need to do as homeschooling mamas to what kids are doing in school. And yet, your kids sound really, really happy. They sound interested and interesting. I think you’re completely on the right track. It’s so easy to see that when it’s other moms and not ourselves, though, right?

  8. ksawrites says

    May 27, 2015 at

    Oh no. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I can’t even imagine. Love to you and your family.

  9. Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies says

    May 28, 2015 at

    I adore this. Why do we feel the need to go go go all the time? The space between is so important!

  10. EricaG says

    May 29, 2015 at

    Oh my. This is what I needed to read. I’ve been struggling a bit, and I feel so guilty about all the “slow” days we’ve been having. But the kids are certainly growing and thriving, so maybe I’m not that horrible after all.

  11. onthisnewmorning says

    May 29, 2015 at

    I discovered this truth for the first time when my first baby was born and he would not nurse. I tried everything, saw a half dozen nurses and consultants, pumped until my breasts and my tears were dry, and worked myself into a fit of exhaustion in the first week. Finally a seasoned mama of many came by to visit and help and noting that I was downstairs and dressed sent me back to bed with my son. She advised that I cut out anything that was not necessary for the next three days and stay in bed with my new baby. That included putting on clothes apparently! I did what she said, and my little man flourished and figured it out. We fell into a rhythm as a nursing mom and baby, but moreover, that advice stuck. It wedged it’s way into a crack in my young, perfectionist heart and slowly changed me for the better. We certainly live in a time and space that says productivity is success and rest is self-indulgent. But when we reject that, and rest anyway, productivity usually follows. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

  12. ksawrites says

    May 29, 2015 at

    Yes! I wish our culture appreciated slow a little more. Our kids seem to! They seem to know what we’ve forgotten 😉

  13. ksawrites says

    May 29, 2015 at

    This is so beautiful. I think I need that advice to wedge into my heart too!

  14. Jen says

    May 29, 2015 at

    This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. I have completely exhausted myself & burnt myself out this homeschooling year. Time to slow down & take some time to rest. Thank you! 😊

  15. mel says

    May 29, 2015 at

    What a great post ! I know I am burnt out when I find myself, not rushing about frantically, but instead spending too much time sitting mindlessly in front of the computer reading Facebook and other really meaningful (not) tasks, interspersed with flurries of busyness ( read guilt) as I try to soothe my guilt by getting some things achieved in a short space of time. I know deep down I am trying to ‘have a break’ from it all but it is really not even relaxing or even helpful, I am really just mentally hiding myself away trying to take a break, in the only way I know how. I spend this time feeling restless and guilty at my apparent inability to just ‘get on with it’
    How liberating to read this and realize that instead I would be better spending these times of feeling overwhelmed, actually acknowledging it, and taking a day ( or 3) off ! To snuggle in bed or on the couch with no expectations. I think back to those time when I have been sick and after several days in bed, I am literally bursting to get back into life again. I march around the house making it ‘mine’ again LOL Feeling very motivated to get out and about.

  16. ksawrites says

    May 29, 2015 at

    Yes! I hadn’t thought about when I take time off because I am physically sick. You’re absolutely right, though 🙂 And I feel you on the Facebook and other zoning out. It’s like my brain needs a break, but I’m too stubborn to take one!

  17. Blokeschool says

    May 31, 2015 at

    My wife took the kids away for three days and nights last week. I hadnt realised just how strung out I was until they suddenly were not there. Although I had to go to work on all of my ‘days off,’ they were the quietest, most relaxed days I have had in ages. Stopping sometimes is definitely an important thing to do.

  18. molly says

    June 1, 2015 at

    Slow days are my jam 🙂 I’m so glad you’re taking time for them! And tea + crumpets are the BEST, esp. with lemon curd + butter…mmmm. xo

  19. ksawrites says

    June 2, 2015 at

    Lemon curd! That is EXACTLY what was missing! 🙂 I wonder if TJs is still open …

  20. ksawrites says

    June 2, 2015 at

    Sometimes a change is as good as a vacation, right? 🙂

  21. gilliand150 says

    October 21, 2015 at

    Thank you so much for these words of wisdom.

  22. Tea says

    April 16, 2017 at

    So needed at this moment! Thank you so much for sharing.

  23. Misty says

    May 27, 2019 at

    I really needed this. We are on summer break and you’d think it would be more relaxing, but I’m having a hard time slowing down and being “productive.”

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Hey there!

I’m Kara – writer, tea drinker, yoga-doer and girl with the overdue books.

 

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kara s anderson
It’s safer on the shore, right? The women stayi It’s safer on the shore, right?

The women staying in the house next to us saw me, camera in hand, safe in the sand …

“You’re the smart one,” a small, tanned mother of a 36-year-old daughter said.

Another chuckled and told us she regularly paddle boards across the bay with a wine glass balanced on the bow, salad on the stern …

The women were different from one another; friends for a long time, you could just tell, spending a month together at the beach, taking turns making simple, beautiful, rustic dinners, like pasta in a giant serving bowl and fresh artichokes.

🌊

“I think I want to try,” I told my friends, after some time waiting, watching … photographing the most gorgeous sunset.

Fear (anxiety) will make us well aware of all the risks, except maybe the risk of missing big, defining moments.
 
🌊 

I got back to shore and shook for 90 minutes. 

It was scary. 

It was so much.

🌊 packing
🌊making my bus
🌊checking my bag
🌊security
🌊flying
🌊going in the ocean
🌊feeling too far from the shore
🌊saying exactly what was in my heart

💙

It’s probably safer on the shore.

It’s probably safer at home. 

My body tells me that all the time, especially during the past two years - it’s pulled to what feels secure.💙

And yet. 

It’s different than with plants. 

We can’t grow if we stay rooted.

We can’t float if we don’t trust that we’ll be held once brave enough to take the first steps away from the shore.

🌊

“You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,”

-Mary Oliver

🌊

I don’t know if I could ever really explain to someone without anxiety how scary the past few days were, while also being some of the best of my life. 💙

I’m immensely grateful.
Sometimes you meet someone - not in person, but ac Sometimes you meet someone - not in person, but across the miles - and there’s just a connection.

I think it was Erin’s enthusiasm for reading Harry Potter with her kids and coming up with creative HP ⚡️ learning activities that made me realize she and I were meant to meet, even if it was only virtually.

Last week Erin, 42, wife and homeschool mom to two and a fellow animal lover was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Word spread quickly in the homeschool community. Erin - @erin_vincent35 - writes at Nourishing My Scholar, @chalkpastelart and Simple Homeschool.

She has been giving in the homeschool community for years - support, encouragement and tips for connecting with your kids through homeschooling.

We’re doing a GoFundMe for Erin. I’ll make it the link in my bio.

We want to help her raise money for treatment and to help her family through this.

If you’re inclined, you can donate, but you can also share her GoFundMe and that helps too.

Every little bit helps. 💜💜

Thank you, friends. 

We love you, Erin! 💜💜
Hi. I finally wrote a thing about transcripts fo Hi. 

I finally wrote a thing about transcripts for when you are unschooly.

This is just based on my experience with one kid, but I’m happy to try to answer any questions.

But two important things: first, our homeschooling here has been messy/successful - succmessful 💙

It’s worked for us. But it isn’t fancy, and so this transcript style isn’t either.

Second, for the love, remember - if you’ve been hanging out for me for any amount of time, the most important thing is our relationship with our kids.

So keep college in its place.

It’s not a contest. What you really want (I bet) is a place your kid will thrive without having to morph into some Bret Easton Ellis character, right?
 
Too far? 😉 

Post: karasanderson.com/transcripts/
Before. And after 🥰🥰 And a lil grid with h Before.

And after 🥰🥰

And a lil grid with headbands from our dear Jen - @thequirkydaisy 💜

(I ended up being able to donate 14 inches. Thank you for the advice about where to donate!)

P.S. Yes, @vanessanwright is also wearing our twin sweater today. 😂💟
OK. That was fun. Everything feels so different t OK. That was fun.

Everything feels so different than it did just 24 hours ago - in the best way. 🎓

I think we needed to do a thing. 🤷‍♀️ I think we needed a stop-point. 

Anyway, it was good, and I’m grateful and man, I love this kid. 💙🧡

P.S. Very glad I bought sparkly hats and a themed teddy bear.

I don’t know much about party planning, but these were wise investments, I think.
Hi. I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son Hi.

I’m totally fine, except tomorrow is my son’s graduation party and I’m not even close to fine, like … I find myself just sort of stuck here again, unable to do normal things like eat the salad I just made.

I was talking to my friend Jenn about this launching kids thing, and she said to be OK with both parts - to feel both parts.

The two parts are that yes, I am happy for my son and excited and this is true. This isn’t me trying to be happy. It’s real.

But also, I feel like I’m in a slow motion “emotional plane crash” - Jenn’s words.

She said I need to feel both, and *show* both - let both out - and that’s been the problem, I think.

I’m afraid to show the sad part. The scared part.

I’m afraid of those feelings being downplayed or dismissed by people who don’t get the complexity. 

I’m afraid of those things overshadowing the joy.

But then Jenn, without me saying any of that, saw it and got it and I realized maybe it would help to share all this, because maybe another mom will read this and feel seen and understood and know that she’s not alone in the beautiful, heartbreaking both of it all 🤍
I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morn I wanted to introduce you to my new pal, this Morning Sidekick Journal.

A while back, I was talking to someone about needing a schedule, and she said, I think what you really need is to set your priorities each day 🤯

So I bought this journal I’ve been eyeing for a while that helps you create a consistent morning routine.

Then, the last step of my morning routine is to plan out my day in my bullet journal, and star the 3 most important things.

This little journal has already helped so much. I feel so much more focused and that helps me feel less anxious.

I highly, highly recommend this system, especially if like me, you like/ need accountability + have a hard time creating realistic routines and making them stick. 🌟

I’ll put a link in my bio for you! 

P.S. my erasable Frixion Color Stick pens pair perfectly with this. 🌟
I don’t really have anything to say except my fr I don’t really have anything to say except my friend Kym sent me these amazing Wonder Woman cuffs and I’m not taking them off.

I shall sleep in them.

They are so cool that my teens like them.

Also, some people see us.

Today we went to drop off a gift to one of my son’s college professor because she is special. She *gets* him. 

And fun fact: I was in one of her first classes when she started teaching.

Back then, she admits she tried to be tough, but it didn’t work. Caring was better.

Caring is better.

Let the people who care in and love them like crazy. 💙

Signed, 
My 5-year-old self who is still part of me and having the best day of her life.
Hey-o! It’s my birthday, and I always like to c Hey-o!

It’s my birthday, and I always like to celebrate by having a thing over at my site. 🧁💗🥳

➡️

The secret password is MAYSALE22

OK. Love you. Bye!
Such a sweet birthday 💗🧁 I’ll put a link Such a sweet birthday 💗🧁

I’ll put a link in my bio to the Frixion pens. The cute animal ones are from Target! 

P.S. Site-wide sale starts 5/9 at karasanderson.com

#bulletjournal #bulletjournaling #bulletjournalideas #pens
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