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I heard something kind of life-changing this week:
If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, step back and cut out everything that isn’t a necessity. ~ Crystal Paine
I wasn’t looking for this piece of advice. I found it in the course of doing my job.
And to be clear, this advice goes directly against everything that I’ve believed in for a very long time.
Because the only answer to exhaustion and overwhelm is to make a list, and do everything on it as quickly as possible. Duh.
That’s what I’ve always done. For years.
As a student.
In my career.
As a busy homeschooling mama.
Do. Do. Do.
And then do some more. (Because plate clearing and task-tackling is the only way to get things back under control, right?)
I mean the idea that what you really need is to stop? And then do less?
Right.
And then I’ll fly my diamond-encrusted jet to Turks and Caicos for the weekend.
But something about those words really struck me. Like a soul song.
Like in that moment, those words were just for me, and at any second they could disappear forever, so I better grab hold …
And so, I considered things, and slowly, it occurred to me that technically, I had completed my necessary work for that day.
There was still plenty to be done. Deadlines were approaching. Someone should probably throw in some laundry.
But nothing needed to be finished at that exact moment.
And so …
And so I got a cup of tea and crumpet and I went back to bed.
My daughter quickly joined me with her knitting needles.
My son picked out a movie for us.
I looked at the stack of books by my bed, a stack that has been waiting for a rainy day, and I piled them right next to me.
This is really happening, I thought, and a little thrill coursed through me.
How little could I do in one day?
I will tell you. For reference:
- I made a frozen pizza.
- I finished two books
- I snuggled with my kids
- I let our new puppy out 17 times
- I cleaned up after our new puppy 18 times
- I did one load of dishes and cleaned the counters
- I cleaned the cat box
- I read with my kids
- I made baked potatoes and prepped toppings for a salad bar dinner, and when one of the hard-boiled eggs was being a pain in the neck and was peeled down to a tiny annoying bit of almost nothing, I gave up and pitched it to the dog
- I ate two crumpets and drank 7 cups of tea
It felt luxurious. It felt indulgent. I went to bed in a state of calmness previously only achieved after …. Almost never.
The next day, I awoke at 5 a.m. I sat down to write, and a project I had been really struggling with came together in about an hour.
And so, I moved on to my other work and finished that. And it was still only 7 a.m.
And so …
And so I made another cup of tea and another crumpet and I went back to bed.
(I knooooow!)
My kids woke up late and came to snuggle with me.
“What do you guys want to do today?” I asked.
“Mama, can we stay at home today? Like yesterday? Can we have another slow day?”
And so I started to think about what we really needed to do that day.
We needed to homeschool. We had taken a day off yesterday (I’d decided to classify it as a Soul Fever Day, which we usually reserve for when kids are feeling off, not the mama).
We needed to get back on track.
But.
Instead of making a list and just jumping right in, I decided to ask myself: What are the absolute necessities for an easy homeschool day?
How could I make this day like yesterday, while incorporating a bit more intentional learning?
I will tell you. For reference:
- We did a bit of math.
- We read together a lot.
- My son did some programming.
- My daughter made me a beautiful bracelet.
- I started a knitted hat for a baby on the way.
- We snuggled close together, and when everyone felt up to it, we went outside and played with our pup and talked about our garden.
We didn’t plant our garden, because that didn’t need to be done.
It will eventually.
Probably.
By me? I don’t know.
Because the truth is, I have been feeling really exhausted and overwhelmed lately, and I didn’t realize it until I stopped.
Soul. Song.
The thing is, you’ve probably noticed, that homeschooling and parenting and homemaking are not easy ventures. They don’t stop because it’s Friday night. We don’t get to quit like Fred Flintstone when the toucan roars.
Because if you’re anything like me, even when you’re not teaching math or scrubbing the tub or talking to your kids about online safety, you’re thinking about those kinds of things.
You’re planning.
You’re maybe worrying just a little.
So today, I wanted to share with you the beauty of the full stop. The pleasure of the Soul Fever Day. The absolute transformative power of doing nothing but what you absolutely need to do, even if it’s just for an hour or two.
Because sometimes, we need to push. It’s true.
And other times, what we need most is to breathe.
At those times, I recommend tea and crumpets and a stack of good books.
I think you’ll find that a break full of nothing may give you the energy you need to move ahead once more.
Probably even stronger than before.
Thank you!!!
I’ve been going 100mph for months now… Part of that is running from the grief of losing my sister last summer. It’s an easy trap for me to fall into, but now that I recognize it, I realize I have a lot of slowing down to do. Returning to homeschool with my son was just the first step.
Thank you for the reminder. Good luck, Mama, and God bless.
Thank you for this – I really, REALLY needed to read it today. I’m so burned out and overwhelmed that it’s been almost crippling lately…..but today I’m going to stay in my pyjamas with the kids, make popcorn, and read and watch movies.
YES! Go for it. And repeat as needed. Crippling is not good, mama. I’ve been there, and I’m sending hugs your way.
Kara, I realize this will sound all weird and….well….weird. When I read your blog, it so often connects and resonates at a soul-shaking level. As in, my insides get all jittery and I start yelling “YES!” at my iPad. I’ve read selections from the blog to my husband and his comments are along the lines of “Wow, she’s your sister from another Mister!”
I’ve been slowly crippling myself all year with a list of “have to’s” and “shoulds”. The list of things I’m trying to accomplish in any day is long and boring and awful. Is it any wonder my boys drop their heads when I announce that it’s time for school? Then I make it soooo much better by dropping some veiled references to how they’d be spending their days if they were in school. Hmm…a heavy workload, dispirited students and vague threats. Sounds like FUN!!
Today, we’ve done nothing. We had breakfast. Did some crazy, mad Lego building. My older two are upstairs listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival and playing some convoluted game. My youngest is downstairs reading a Star Wars Lego book to me (complete with Yoda voice).
Is the list of things we SHOULD be doing still there? Yep. Do I really care if they master subtracting and regrouping right now? Nope. We are about to have a little lunch, the walk down to the beach and spend the afternoon digging in the sand. Maybe we can subtract and regroup a few seashells!
Can I just say? This has kinda been my M.O. all year long. And actually what I’m writing about for my SH post. (You did give me free range. Lol)
So counter-intuitive. So incredibly nourishing. So hard. So easy.
And once again, I wish we were real life friends. Poo.
S
Imagine how much fun we could have eating crumpets together, and watching the clouds float by. 🙂 I can’t wait to read your post!!
Aww man. This Midwest girl could use a beach day. 😉 Your comment made me think — I think we so often compare what we need to do as homeschooling mamas to what kids are doing in school. And yet, your kids sound really, really happy. They sound interested and interesting. I think you’re completely on the right track. It’s so easy to see that when it’s other moms and not ourselves, though, right?
Oh no. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I can’t even imagine. Love to you and your family.
I adore this. Why do we feel the need to go go go all the time? The space between is so important!
Oh my. This is what I needed to read. I’ve been struggling a bit, and I feel so guilty about all the “slow” days we’ve been having. But the kids are certainly growing and thriving, so maybe I’m not that horrible after all.
I discovered this truth for the first time when my first baby was born and he would not nurse. I tried everything, saw a half dozen nurses and consultants, pumped until my breasts and my tears were dry, and worked myself into a fit of exhaustion in the first week. Finally a seasoned mama of many came by to visit and help and noting that I was downstairs and dressed sent me back to bed with my son. She advised that I cut out anything that was not necessary for the next three days and stay in bed with my new baby. That included putting on clothes apparently! I did what she said, and my little man flourished and figured it out. We fell into a rhythm as a nursing mom and baby, but moreover, that advice stuck. It wedged it’s way into a crack in my young, perfectionist heart and slowly changed me for the better. We certainly live in a time and space that says productivity is success and rest is self-indulgent. But when we reject that, and rest anyway, productivity usually follows. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Yes! I wish our culture appreciated slow a little more. Our kids seem to! They seem to know what we’ve forgotten 😉
This is so beautiful. I think I need that advice to wedge into my heart too!
This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. I have completely exhausted myself & burnt myself out this homeschooling year. Time to slow down & take some time to rest. Thank you! 😊
What a great post ! I know I am burnt out when I find myself, not rushing about frantically, but instead spending too much time sitting mindlessly in front of the computer reading Facebook and other really meaningful (not) tasks, interspersed with flurries of busyness ( read guilt) as I try to soothe my guilt by getting some things achieved in a short space of time. I know deep down I am trying to ‘have a break’ from it all but it is really not even relaxing or even helpful, I am really just mentally hiding myself away trying to take a break, in the only way I know how. I spend this time feeling restless and guilty at my apparent inability to just ‘get on with it’
How liberating to read this and realize that instead I would be better spending these times of feeling overwhelmed, actually acknowledging it, and taking a day ( or 3) off ! To snuggle in bed or on the couch with no expectations. I think back to those time when I have been sick and after several days in bed, I am literally bursting to get back into life again. I march around the house making it ‘mine’ again LOL Feeling very motivated to get out and about.
Yes! I hadn’t thought about when I take time off because I am physically sick. You’re absolutely right, though 🙂 And I feel you on the Facebook and other zoning out. It’s like my brain needs a break, but I’m too stubborn to take one!
My wife took the kids away for three days and nights last week. I hadnt realised just how strung out I was until they suddenly were not there. Although I had to go to work on all of my ‘days off,’ they were the quietest, most relaxed days I have had in ages. Stopping sometimes is definitely an important thing to do.
Slow days are my jam 🙂 I’m so glad you’re taking time for them! And tea + crumpets are the BEST, esp. with lemon curd + butter…mmmm. xo
Lemon curd! That is EXACTLY what was missing! 🙂 I wonder if TJs is still open …
Sometimes a change is as good as a vacation, right? 🙂
Thank you so much for these words of wisdom.
So needed at this moment! Thank you so much for sharing.